You speak of weariness and thoughts of escaping this life. Such thoughts come when the soul is pressed down by many cares and sees no helper. Yet what you endure is not meaningless. The constant calls to work, the scolding you receive for not studying, the absence of a father, and the cold silence of your mother, all this is a furnace that tests you. Do not let the enemy convince you that death is a door to relief. It is a dark pit he opens to swallow those who are fatigued, for he knows that when the righteous are near the end of their conflicts, he redoubles his assault. Did not Abraham face his greatest trial when he was told to offer Isaac? So now, when you are exhausted and the exam looms, the pressure seems unendurable. But if you stand still and do not flee, you will see the deliverance of the Lord.
The root of your distress is not merely the exam or the harsh words. Look deeper. The turmoil at home springs from the things of this life, anxiety over money, comparisons with others, the vainglory that others' children have gained admission to government colleges. You are caught in a snare of human opinion. They say you do not work hard, but your conscience knows you have spent your strength in obedient service. So learn to despise these earthly measurements. Has someone stolen your time and then blamed you? They have not injured the soul that bears it patiently. The only treasure you must guard is the one above. If you lose earthly approval, you have lost nothing but a shadow.
Remember that you are not fatherless. He who said, “Judge for the fatherless, plead for the widow,” sees your labor. The tears of the fatherless have great power to open heaven. Do not suppose that because you are young and without an earthly protector, God is far off. The widow and the orphan are His special care. When you are made to toil in the village instead of sitting with books, offer that very toil as a prayer, and He who knows the heart will account it as study in His book. He does not measure success by the letters of men but by the obedience of love.
Be still, then, and do not rush into the conflict of angry words. When you are summoned to fight, you must stand nobly; but you are not summoned to quarrel with your mother or to despair of life. The command is to do good, to suffer wrong if need be, and to wait for the time of deliverance. For marriage and family life, the same rule holds: the one who loves yields, and the one who obeys finds love. In your household, strive to keep peace by your quiet endurance, even when reproached unjustly. This is more excellent than passing any examination, for it is the adornment of a meek and quiet spirit which is precious before God.
Do not say, “I cannot bear this any longer.” He who permitted the trial will also make a way through it. The end is near, even if you cannot see it. What you fear, failure, poverty, private college fees, all these are earthly and passing. But the soul that learns patience in tribulation acquires a crown that never fades. Consider the barbarians who left their country with fear and trembling to worship Christ. Will you not, a citizen of heaven, endure a little hardship for the sake of duty to your family and trust the outcome to Him? Lay hold of these words: comfort one another, edify one another. You have a sister; strengthen her. Instead of dwelling on the sharp words, speak hope. And when the darkness presses, cry out within, “Lord, I am a servant; I know not what is before me, but I will not demand an account of Thee. Thou knowest how to distribute to every man.”
Cast away the thought of suicide. It is a lie that promises rest but delivers eternal sorrow. The present conflict is brief, but the decision made in it echoes forever. Wait for the Lord, be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart. You are not alone, and no exam, no family strife, can snatch you out of His hand if you cling to Him.