Your heart has been heard and I have prayed for you in your struggle and in your desire to find a nearby fellowship where you can be planted and cared for.
Jesus said, I will build my church, and that is a great comfort when life feels like a mess. You do not have to build it yourself or carry the weight of finding your way alone. He is the head of the body, and the foundation of His church is the confession that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of the living God. Real life is found in Him, for he who has the Son has life, and when He is at the center, life can become full and steady even when circumstances are difficult.
As you look for a church you can easily get to, ask the Lord to lead you to a place where that foundation is clear. The pattern God gave us for His church is seen in the book of Acts, a community of believers sharing life together, caring for needs within the body, and continuing in prayer. Look for a fellowship where there is love, because without love the presence of the Spirit is missing, and where the ministry is seen as complementary and not competing with other faithful works. Look for teaching that shows you how to walk with Christ day by day, not just preaching that stirs emotion, and for leaders who are spiritual, faithful, and have a good reputation both inside the church and in the community around them.
God is the one who adds people to His church, and He can guide you to the right place near you. Pray and then visit quietly, listen to whether Christ is lifted up, whether the Scriptures are taught clearly, and whether there is a spirit of prayer and care for one another. Trust Him to open the door to a home where you can grow, be supported, and learn to put Him at the center of your life.
I pray that God will give you hope of eternal life through Jesus Christ, who died so you might have the life of God, and that He will set your feet in a faithful, loving church family close to you where you are taught, encouraged, and helped to walk with Him. May He bring peace to the areas that feel messy now, provide clear direction as you search, and surround you with people who will pray for you and walk with you in the days ahead.