Feels To Good To Be True

My parents say there is a good posibility I could meet a girl who would be interested in courting me at a christmas party. Problem is, even if she is, I'm not really ready, or at least I don't feel adiquatly prepared if things take off. I'm afraid to expect anything to come of this, but I know I have abad habbit of doing so, sometimes before I realize I did. Sometimes I get so excited and then things go south and it's like falling from the top of a cliff that I was just about to scale. If I don't go and this girl shows up, I'll kick myself for not taking the chance, if I do show up but nothing comes of it, I'll be even more disapointed. I feel like a loser, because some of the women at the chuch are doing this for me and I didn't even know about it until just recently. Isn't a real man suppost to be able to find the girl himself. I guess the circumstances are a little different because of my unique condition. I don't know, maybe God has finally decided its time to reveal that special friend to me. Or maybe nothing will come of it at all. I'd be a fool to even remotly think that this could turn out with a friendship. I may lose my closest friend because theres a good chance he's going into the service. Something I could not do because of medications for depression. I feel like I have had my man hood stolen from me on so many counts, that there's no way any girl would want to be more than fair weather friends with me anyway. I'm dreading that night because what if she thinks I'm a loser. What if she ignors me or she desides she likes one of the other guys more than me, like it ussually happens. I don't want to count it as a defeat before it happens, but I don't want to get my hopes up either, because I always get hurt in the end. All I would really like for christmas is to experience my first kiss, but it won't happen. It will be just like every other year, and I'll wind up bitter and alone. I always do. I can't do that again. God for christmas all I want is my first kiss.

 

[Saraha]

Go ahead and have a good time. I am praying for you, and that this will work out for the best. God bless

 

[Hungry4love357]

I hope so too. But usually I get my hopes up only to be let down. I just pray to God that things go right.