Silas
Beloved of All
Your honest prayer has been heard, and the burden you carry for your children is understood. The Lord sees the division, the exhaustion, and the hurt that has come into your home, and He invites you to bring it all to Him as your Father.
You have asked for the peace of God that surpasses all understanding to guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus, and for a hedge of protection around your family. Scripture gives that assurance. Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world, and the Lord Himself fights for His people. You can rest in the covering of the blood of Jesus Christ, not as a ritual phrase, but as the reality of your adoption into the family of God. Through Jesus you have been brought into a close, intimate relationship where you can call God your Father, and He is present with you to keep and to guide you.
At the heart of what you describe is a disorder in relationships. The first commandments concern our relationship with God, and when that relationship is right, the other relationships begin to come into balance. When that relationship is neglected, every other relationship suffers. Your older daughter was raised in the ways of the Lord, yet she is now putting a young man and his mother before the Lord, before her family, and before her faith and calling. You are right to be concerned, because she is treating a living together arrangement outside of marriage as if it were marriage itself. That is not God's design. Marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and sexual union and shared home life belong within it. When that design is set aside, the Scriptures show again and again that jealousy, rivalry, manipulation, financial exploitation and spiritual bondage follow. What began as a choice outside of God's pattern opens the door to deception and to a false sense of obligation where a burden is carried that was never hers to bear.
Living in a polluted relational environment also takes its toll. Just as Lot's family was affected by the corruption around them, it is very hard to remain in a controlling and ungodly environment and not be changed by it. You have seen this in the way your daughter's godly personality is being altered, in the way she can be distant toward you and her siblings to gain acceptance, and in the divisive tactics that pit brother and sister against each other. The influence you describe from this young man and his mother, where bullying is excused and then ungodly counsel is given to simply forgive and continue, where a mother acts as if she has parental authority she does not have, is rooted in pride and selfishness. A true godly mentor, like the beautiful bond between Naomi and Ruth, points a younger woman toward rest, toward family, toward the Lord and toward honor. This other influence does the opposite, encouraging disobedience to biblical teaching, to parents, and to the church.
God places tremendous priority on the honoring of parents and on family unity. Your desire to see that unity, joy and fellowship healed and restored is aligned with His heart. He is the God who called Jacob to return to the land of his fathers and to his family with the promise, I will be with you. That same promise is for you and your household as you seek Him. He is able to gently remove blinders, to break stubbornness and replace it with a hunger for righteousness, and to remind your daughter who she is as a child of the Most High. She is not homeless, she is not without guidance, and she does not need to change her faith or abandon her church family to please another family. That young man is not her husband, not her father, and not her head, and she does not have to carry his financial and spiritual responsibilities.
I join you in praying for each member of your family.
For your older daughter, that the Lord would open her eyes to the red flags she has been ignoring, expose every manipulative and controlling scheme, frustrate every plan to divide and isolate, and break the false commitment that keeps her bound. Pray that she would be led out of this toxic entanglement swiftly and gently, not with shame alone but with freedom, peace and restoration, and be drawn back to the Lord, to her family, and to the fellowship of believers where she can again walk in wisdom and stability. Pray that she would see clearly that this man is not ready for marriage and not her God given spouse, and that she would be kept from moving deeper into living together and from considering children outside of marriage.
For your younger daughter, that she would remain steadfast in faith and not be swayed by the example set before her. Pray that the Lord would surround her with godly friendships and mentors who encourage her to honor marriage as God intended and to seek a spouse who loves the Lord.
For your son, that the Lord would shine His light into every dark space, grant him peace and joy, protect him from mockery and exclusion, and help him to be seen and cherished as the blessing he truly is. Pray for continued progress, for wisdom for you and for his caregivers and care team, and for the restoration of the loving and kind relationship he once shared with his sister.
For you, that the Lord would guard you from weariness and fear, anoint your home, and provide for your needs according to His riches in Christ, so that your family may be a beacon of His light wherever you go. Put on the full armor of God and stand in His strength, trusting that no weapon formed against you shall prosper.
May the Lord restore what has been strained and broken, heal what has been wounded, and draw your family back to that first love for Him, where fellowship with Him is intimate and real and all other loves find their proper place.
You have asked for the peace of God that surpasses all understanding to guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus, and for a hedge of protection around your family. Scripture gives that assurance. Greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world, and the Lord Himself fights for His people. You can rest in the covering of the blood of Jesus Christ, not as a ritual phrase, but as the reality of your adoption into the family of God. Through Jesus you have been brought into a close, intimate relationship where you can call God your Father, and He is present with you to keep and to guide you.
At the heart of what you describe is a disorder in relationships. The first commandments concern our relationship with God, and when that relationship is right, the other relationships begin to come into balance. When that relationship is neglected, every other relationship suffers. Your older daughter was raised in the ways of the Lord, yet she is now putting a young man and his mother before the Lord, before her family, and before her faith and calling. You are right to be concerned, because she is treating a living together arrangement outside of marriage as if it were marriage itself. That is not God's design. Marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and sexual union and shared home life belong within it. When that design is set aside, the Scriptures show again and again that jealousy, rivalry, manipulation, financial exploitation and spiritual bondage follow. What began as a choice outside of God's pattern opens the door to deception and to a false sense of obligation where a burden is carried that was never hers to bear.
Living in a polluted relational environment also takes its toll. Just as Lot's family was affected by the corruption around them, it is very hard to remain in a controlling and ungodly environment and not be changed by it. You have seen this in the way your daughter's godly personality is being altered, in the way she can be distant toward you and her siblings to gain acceptance, and in the divisive tactics that pit brother and sister against each other. The influence you describe from this young man and his mother, where bullying is excused and then ungodly counsel is given to simply forgive and continue, where a mother acts as if she has parental authority she does not have, is rooted in pride and selfishness. A true godly mentor, like the beautiful bond between Naomi and Ruth, points a younger woman toward rest, toward family, toward the Lord and toward honor. This other influence does the opposite, encouraging disobedience to biblical teaching, to parents, and to the church.
God places tremendous priority on the honoring of parents and on family unity. Your desire to see that unity, joy and fellowship healed and restored is aligned with His heart. He is the God who called Jacob to return to the land of his fathers and to his family with the promise, I will be with you. That same promise is for you and your household as you seek Him. He is able to gently remove blinders, to break stubbornness and replace it with a hunger for righteousness, and to remind your daughter who she is as a child of the Most High. She is not homeless, she is not without guidance, and she does not need to change her faith or abandon her church family to please another family. That young man is not her husband, not her father, and not her head, and she does not have to carry his financial and spiritual responsibilities.
I join you in praying for each member of your family.
For your older daughter, that the Lord would open her eyes to the red flags she has been ignoring, expose every manipulative and controlling scheme, frustrate every plan to divide and isolate, and break the false commitment that keeps her bound. Pray that she would be led out of this toxic entanglement swiftly and gently, not with shame alone but with freedom, peace and restoration, and be drawn back to the Lord, to her family, and to the fellowship of believers where she can again walk in wisdom and stability. Pray that she would see clearly that this man is not ready for marriage and not her God given spouse, and that she would be kept from moving deeper into living together and from considering children outside of marriage.
For your younger daughter, that she would remain steadfast in faith and not be swayed by the example set before her. Pray that the Lord would surround her with godly friendships and mentors who encourage her to honor marriage as God intended and to seek a spouse who loves the Lord.
For your son, that the Lord would shine His light into every dark space, grant him peace and joy, protect him from mockery and exclusion, and help him to be seen and cherished as the blessing he truly is. Pray for continued progress, for wisdom for you and for his caregivers and care team, and for the restoration of the loving and kind relationship he once shared with his sister.
For you, that the Lord would guard you from weariness and fear, anoint your home, and provide for your needs according to His riches in Christ, so that your family may be a beacon of His light wherever you go. Put on the full armor of God and stand in His strength, trusting that no weapon formed against you shall prosper.
May the Lord restore what has been strained and broken, heal what has been wounded, and draw your family back to that first love for Him, where fellowship with Him is intimate and real and all other loves find their proper place.
