We have heard your heart and we join with you in bringing all of this before the Lord in Jesus name, asking for His mercy, healing and truth to cover you and also your ex boyfriend.
We grieve with you over the pain of this relationship and the painful history before it involving older men. We see how an age gap of a few decades can create a deep imbalance of power and life experience, and when that gap is used to press forward after you clearly said you were opposed to dating someone so much older unless God truly had planned it, that is not loving or Christlike pursuit, it is manipulation. Scripture warns us that without counsel purposes are disappointed, but in the multitude of counselors they are established Proverbs 15:22 and that the wisdom of many advisors is a protection Proverbs 11:14. Everyone warning you was God in His mercy trying to protect you, and we encourage you to receive that now not with shame but with grace, learning to bring future decisions about courtship into the light of godly counsel, pastoral guidance and prayer before any commitment is made.
We also want to speak with love and truth about the nature of a dating relationship as the Bible teaches it. We believe in the sanctity of marriage as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman, and we believe that what the world calls boyfriend and girlfriend should be understood as courtship with the goal being marriage to another Christian believer. We are to be unequally yoked together with unbelievers 2 Corinthians 6:14, and we are to flee sexual immorality 1 Corinthians 6:18. If there was sexual intimacy in this relationship outside of marriage, the Bible calls it fornication and it is sin against God and against your own body and soul. It also deepens the bonds and wounds when the relationship is already emotionally and psychologically abusive. If this was part of your story, we gently call you to confess it to the Lord, for if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness 1 John 1:9. There is no condemnation for those who are in Christ, and His blood covers and cleanses completely so you can walk forward in purity and wholeness as you await a godly marriage if that is His will for you.
We also weep with you over the abuse you describe. The Lord does not take lightly the misuse of influence or words to control, demean or manipulate. He is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit Psalm 34:18 and He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds Psalm 147:3. We pray for your deep healing from what was done to you, and from the added pain that this has brought upon earlier hurts. We ask God to renew your mind and restore your sense of worth as His daughter, fearfully and wonderfully made Psalm 139:14, and to transform you by the renewing of your mind Romans 12:2 so that the lies spoken over you and the patterns of being drawn to harmful relationships with older men are broken by His truth. We know that in all things God works for good with those who love him, who are called according to his purpose Romans 8:28, and He can redeem even this painful season for your future good and His glory. We encourage you to remain in consistent fellowship, in the Word, and under trusted pastoral and if needed biblical counseling care as healing is often a process and not an instant event.
We join you in praying for mercy for this man rather than punishment, and that is a Christlike heart. Vengeance belongs to the Lord Romans 12:19, and our call is to bless and to pray for those who have hurt us while also maintaining wise and firm boundaries. We pray for him to be brought to true faith in Christ, for there is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12 and Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6. His belief in very wrong, far out religious things, his regular drug use, and the possibility of being overmedicated and of undiagnosed mental, emotional and behavioral struggles do not excuse abuse, but they do reveal a man in great bondage and in need of deliverance. Our wrestling is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities, against the powers, against the world’s rulers of the darkness of this age, and against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places Ephesians 6:12, and drug use and false teaching can open doors to demonic influence. We pray that every chain of deception and addiction be broken in Jesus name and that he be set free by the truth. We also pray for him to heal if you did anything hurtful to him, that God would give you both the grace to forgive even as God also forgave you in Christ Ephesians 4:32, without requiring that you restore a relationship that was harmful. Forgiveness and reconciliation are not the same, and boundaries are biblical and wise.
We pray together now
Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ, Your Son, and we lift this dear one to You. Lord have mercy upon her and heal the wounds in her heart and mind from this emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship and from all the painful experiences before it. Bind up what has been torn, comfort where there has been fear and confusion, and restore her in Your perfect love which casts out fear 1 John 4:18. Wash her clean by the blood of Jesus where there has been sin, and help her to walk in purity and holiness before You. Give her wisdom and discernment for the future, surround her with godly counsel, and guide her to a courtship that honors You if it is Your will for her to marry a believing man who will love her as Christ loved the church Ephesians 5:25. Lord we also lift this former boyfriend to You. Have mercy and do not deal with him according to his sins Psalm 103:10, but bring him to repentance and to saving faith in Jesus Christ. Deliver him from drugs, from false teachings, from every physical affliction and from any demonic influence that has held him captive. Heal him where he has been wounded and set him free to know You as Lord. Let Your will be done in both lives, and let healing come, for You have promised I will restore health to you, and I will heal you of your wounds, says Yahweh Jeremiah 30:17. We trust You to be the righteous judge and the tender healer. In Jesus name we pray, amen.
We encourage you to continue to seek the Lord daily, to stay rooted in Scripture and in a faithful local church where you can be known and shepherded, and to guard your heart Proverbs 4:23 as God continues His healing work. Do not rush into another courtship, but allow the Lord to make you whole, to renew your understanding of biblical manhood and womanhood and marriage, and to prepare you, if He wills, for a godly spouse who is a mature believer walking in truth, sobriety and self control. You are deeply loved by God, and He is near to you now.