Ex boyfriend

[Dhitlor]

Please pray for me because I think my relationship with my ex-boyfriend was emotionally and psychologically abusive in some ways. There was a big age gap of a few decades between us. Please pray about how that age gap may have been used to abuse me. Please pray for me to heal. Pray for God to have mercy on him and not punish him for things he did - pray for him to be brought to faith in Christ and set free from false teachings. But please pray for me to heal from things that happened in that relationship. Pray for him to heal if I did anything hurtful to him. There is a possibility that harm he did to me was due to undiagnosed mental/emotional/behavioral disorders, side effects from physical health problems (and possibly being overly medicated due to them) and/or even drug use because I found out later in the relationship he was regularly using drugs. He also believed in some very wrong, far out things in terms of religion/faith so the possibility of demonic influence over his life is also there. Not excusing any of his behavior just explaining some of the issues that could have contributed. I previously before dating this ex had a history of numerous painful experiences involving being involved with older men. At the time that my ex began expressing an interest in dating me, I was very opposed to dating anyone so much older than me unless it was something God truly had planned. I told my ex this and he said he would change my mind about not wanting to date an older man. But of course, now this experience has just added more pain to the hurt that I already had previously. Everyone warned me - literally everyone. But I didn't listen. Please pray for me about all this. Thank you.

 

[Articles]

We have read your request with heavy hearts and we are lifting you before the throne of grace together in Jesus name. We thank you for your honesty and humility in sharing this painful history, and for your compassionate heart in praying for mercy for your ex-boyfriend even as you seek healing for yourself. We grieve with you over the hurt you have carried both from this recent relationship and from the pattern of painful experiences with older men before it.

We want to gently speak truth to you about what you have described. Scripture teaches us that wisdom is found in a multitude of counselors Proverbs 11:14 and that without counsel purposes are disappointed but in the multitude of counselors they are established Proverbs 15:22. You shared that everyone warned you and you did not listen, and we encourage you to take this to heart not with shame but with learning. God places godly counsel around us for protection, and when we ignore it we often step outside His covering. We also see that you told him you were opposed to dating someone so much older unless it was truly God's plan and he said he would change your mind. That persistence after you expressed a clear boundary concerns us, and we believe an age gap of a few decades can too easily be used for control and emotional and psychological influence rather than for loving, sacrificial leadership within a godly marriage. While an age difference itself is not automatically sin, any relationship where one person uses greater age, experience, or power to pressure, manipulate, or diminish the other does not reflect Christ's love.

We also want to address God's design for relationships. We believe in the sanctity of marriage as a lifelong commitment between a man and a woman, and we believe that what the world calls dating or having a boyfriend or girlfriend should be understood as courtship with the goal of discerning marriage to another Christian believer. Scripture says do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship has righteousness with iniquity 2 Corinthians 6:14. A relationship with someone who holds to very wrong and far out religious beliefs and is under false teachings, who is regularly using drugs, and who may be under demonic influence is not a safe or biblical foundation for courtship toward marriage. If there was sexual intimacy outside of marriage in this relationship, we want to lovingly call that what Scripture calls it, fornication, and urge you to flee sexual immorality 1 Corinthians 6:18. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. If this was part of your story we encourage you to bring it to the Lord in confession, for if we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness 1 John 1:9. We say this not to condemn you but to help you find freedom and healing.

We hear your desire to explain but not excuse his behavior by mentioning possible undiagnosed disorders, physical health problems, overmedication, drug use, and false religion. We agree that these things can contribute and can open doors to the enemy, for our wrestling is not against flesh and blood but against the principalities and powers Ephesians 6:12, and we are called to test the spirits whether they are of God 1 John 4:1. Yet drug use, false teaching, and abusive words and actions remain sin for which a person is accountable before God. You prayed that God would have mercy on him and not punish him. We share that heart for mercy, and we know that God desires all people to be saved and come to knowledge of the truth 1 Timothy 2:4. At the same time Scripture says vengeance belongs to me says the Lord Romans 12:19 and that God will judge. True mercy is not that sin is ignored but that the punishment for sin was borne by Jesus on the cross for all who will repent and believe. There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven that is given among men by which we must be saved Acts 4:12 and Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me John 14:6. So we pray not that God would simply overlook sin, but that He would bring your ex-boyfriend to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ, that he would be set free from false teachings, from drug use, and from any demonic influence, and that he would submit to Jesus as Lord. We also honor your prayer that if you did anything hurtful to him, God would heal him and forgive you, and that humble spirit is pleasing to God.

For your own healing we want to remind you how deeply God sees and cares for you. Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart and saves those who have a crushed spirit Psalm 34:18 and He heals the broken in heart, and binds up their wounds Psalm 147:3. The pattern of being drawn to or pursued by much older men has left cumulative wounds, and we pray that God would break that cycle and root your identity and worth in Christ alone, not in the approval of any man. We encourage you in any future courtship to seek only a godly Christian man who is pursuing marriage in a way that honors God, who respects boundaries, who walks in sobriety and truth, and who seeks wise counsel. We encourage you to remain in fellowship with mature believers, to seek pastoral and if needed Christian professional counseling for trauma, and to guard your heart with boundaries that honor the Lord. We encourage you to cast all your worries on him because he cares for you 1 Peter 5:7 and to trust that God can work all things together for good for those who love Him Romans 8:28 even when the pain feels overwhelming. Do not be afraid for I am with you Isaiah 41:10.

We join together now to pray for you and for him.

Father in heaven, we come before You only through the name of Jesus Christ Your Son, for there is no other way to You. We lift up this dear daughter to You and ask for Your deep healing upon her heart, mind, and emotions. Heal the wounds from this emotionally and psychologically abusive relationship and from all the painful experiences before it involving older men. Bind up what has been broken, restore what has been stolen, and wash away shame, fear, and confusion with Your perfect love. Help her to forgive as You have forgiven us, not to return to harm but to release bitterness and find freedom. Teach her to heed wise and godly counsel and to walk in discernment, and guide her in the future to a courtship that honors You and leads toward a godly marriage to a faithful Christian believer if it is Your will. Guard her purity and give her strength to flee any sexual immorality and to walk in holiness. Give her Your peace which surpasses all understanding Philippians 4:7.

We also lift up her ex-boyfriend to Your mercy. We ask that You would not leave him in darkness but would convict him of sin, deliver him from drug use, from false teachings, and from any demonic influence that has hold over his life. Draw him to repentance and to saving faith in Jesus Christ, that he may be made new and walk in truth and sobriety. Let him know that the wages of sin is death but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord Romans 6:23. We ask for Your justice tempered with mercy, and that You would heal any hurt she may have caused him as well. Do a work of restoration in both lives that brings glory to Your name. We ask all this in the mighty and merciful name of Jesus Christ, our only hope and Savior, amen.

 

[hostadmin]

We were grateful you shared this so honestly with us. It takes courage to name what happened, especially when the relationship involved such a large age difference and left you feeling controlled and diminished.

We hear how heavy this has been, carrying not only what happened with your ex but also the earlier painful history with older men. It makes sense that this latest experience would feel like it added to wounds that were already there, and that you would feel regret for not listening when people around you were concerned. We want you to know we do not see you as to blame for the harm you experienced.

What you describe about emotional and psychological harm is often unseen by others but it can wear down a person's sense of worth and confidence over time, and the effects can linger long after a relationship has ended. Healing from that kind of pattern is usually slow and uneven, not a quick fix.

If you have not already, we gently encourage you to talk with a trusted pastor and with a counselor or other professional who can walk with you one on one, alongside prayer, as you process what happened and consider next steps for your wholeness and safety.

Father, we bring our sister to You and ask for Your mercy and healing over her heart and mind. Restore her sense of dignity and worth in You, give her wisdom for each step forward, and surround her with safe, steady support. We also ask for Your mercy on her ex-boyfriend, that You would draw him to faith in Christ and set him free from what binds him. Lead them both toward wholeness according to Your will. In Jesus' name, amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

We have received your request and have brought it before the Lord with much tenderness and prayerful care, and we grieve with you over the pain you have endured.

There is a wound that only the Great Physician can heal, for He healeth the broken in heart and bindeth up their wounds. The least thing that comes from Christ has healing virtue in it, as the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations, and there is not a word that has fallen from His lips but bears healing for some ill of our humanity. What you have suffered through an uneven and unhealthy relationship, where an age gap of decades was used in ways that harmed you, and where you experienced what you describe as emotionally and psychologically abusive, is known fully to Him who sees all and who is both just and merciful.

We thank God for the honesty with which you have spoken, including that you were warned by many and did not listen, and that you carry a history of painful experiences involving older men. The Lord does not despise a contrite heart, and forgiveness and healing come together from His pardoning hand. When sin is forgiven through faith in Jesus Christ alone, healing begins to flow, for the costly balm of His atonement has lost none of its power to remove guilt and to calm the agitated bosom.

We are praying for you in this way, that the Lord Jesus Christ, who alone is the way of salvation, would grant you deep healing. That He would wash away every stain of sin by His blood, lift the burden of shame and sorrow, and restore your soul. That He would heal the memories and effects of what was done to you, renew your mind by His Word, guard you from all evil and from the devices of the evil one, and preserve you in purity and uprightness. That He would teach you to walk in His good design, where marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman and where intimacy belongs only within that covenant, and that He would give you wisdom, discernment and godly counsel in the church as you seek to follow Him wholly. That you would know you are not obliged to carry the sickness of others, for the Lord can keep you and make you whole.

We are also praying as you asked for mercy upon this man. We do not ask God to bless what was contrary to His will, but we do plead that God would have mercy and not deal with him according to his sins, but bring him to repentance and to saving faith in Christ alone. That the Lord would set him free from false teachings and far out religious errors, from the power of drugs and from any over medication or physical affliction that has harmed him, and from any demonic influence that may have darkened his mind. That the healing power which was present when Christ taught and which forgives sin and heals the soul would be manifest to him, that he might be truly converted and become a new creature. And if you did anything hurtful to him, we pray the Lord would heal him there also and lead you both into honest confession and forgiveness where needed.

We pray that you would be kept close to Christ, for there is healing in contact with Him, in His taking you by the hand and lifting you up. Seek the Lord daily in His Word, sit under faithful preaching of the gospel, and walk in fellowship with mature believers who can bear your burdens and help you guard your heart. If the distress remains heavy, seek wise and godly help within the body of Christ and, where needed, sound counsel for trauma, always testing all things by Scripture.

May the Lord, who has provided healing leaves from the tree of life, cause that sacred influence to descend upon you now, pardoning, cleansing and restoring, and may He keep you till the day when you shall no more say, I am sick, for the inhabitant of Zion shall be forgiven his iniquity.