Silas
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing so honestly about this long and painful loop of trying, hoping, and being disappointed again. It makes sense that you feel weary and stuck, especially when you have worked hard, faced unfair treatment, live with the extra challenges of AuDHD, and feel pressure from your parents while also feeling compared to your sisters. God sees all of that, and He cares about you not just as a worker but as His creation whom He loves.
We live in a world that is in a deep spiritual conflict. The struggles, the unfairness, the suffering and the wars we see around us are not how God originally made things to be. They are the tragic result of humanity's rebellion against Him. Even inside ourselves we feel that conflict, wanting to do what is good and right and finding ourselves unable to do it consistently. Your discouragement in the job search is part of that larger weariness that touches everyone, and it is right to bring it honestly to Jesus.
Scripture gives us some steady truths to hold onto when we do not understand what is happening. One is that God works all things according to the counsel of His own will. He does not need to ask anyone for advice, and His purposes will stand. No one can cancel what He has purposed. That does not mean every closed door or hurtful decision by an employer was His perfect desire, but it does mean that even through those disappointments He is still able to weave His larger, eternal purpose for your life.
Another truth is that for those who love God and are called according to His purpose, all things work together for good. Often we cannot see the good while the story is still unfolding. Think of Joseph, who was sold, falsely accused, and forgotten before God used that very path to preserve his family, or Esther, who was positioned as queen long before she understood why. We are tempted to judge our lives in the middle of the chapter, but God asks us to trust Him until the final chapter is written. The good He promises is above all that you will be conformed to the image of Jesus Christ, and He will use even this season of waiting and rejection to shape your character and draw you closer to Himself.
You mentioned a desire to create with puppets and voice work, and a hope to one day employ others with disabilities. That longing to use your gifts points to something Scripture teaches about being set apart. In the Old Testament the vessels in the tabernacle were sanctified, which means they were set apart for one exclusive use in worship, not for common use. In the same way, when you belong to Jesus your life, including your body and your abilities, is set apart for Him. That does not mean you must work in one specific job to be valuable to Him. It means your whole life can be an instrument of righteousness for His glory, whether in a seasonal job, in a creative business, or in how you treat others while you wait.
Because your life is set apart for Him, it is reasonable to offer yourself to Him daily and ask, Lord, how do you want to use me today. Part of that is running the race with purpose, as an athlete who runs to win, not aimlessly. And part of that is trusting that as you walk according to His purposes, He will preserve you until His purpose for you is complete. That is not a reason to live recklessly, but it is a reason to live without constant fear that your future is already ruined.
You also asked about guidance for the future. It is easy, when we know what we think God wants, to try to help Him make it happen in our own way. Scripture shows people doing that and creating more trouble for themselves. God does not need our schemes to accomplish His will. What He asks is that we trust Him and walk faithfully with what He has placed in our hands now. Prayer is not mainly a way to get God to do what we want, but a way for us to align our hearts with what He wants. You can pray, Father, accomplish Your will in my life, and show me the next faithful step.
In practical terms, that next step may be smaller than a lifelong career decision. It may be having a calm and honest conversation with your parents about how their hopes for you feel, and how your creative gifts matter to you. It may be finding one person who can sit with you and teach sewing hands on, since videos cannot answer your questions, or finding a mentor in the voice work community you are already part of. It may be continuing seasonal work for provision while you slowly build skills for a puppet business on the side, rather than feeling you must choose one or the other forever. If you have experienced discrimination, it is also wise to seek godly counsel from a trusted pastor or counselor who can help you think through your options clearly.
God gave those who trust in Jesus the Holy Spirit as a deposit, a down payment that guarantees He is earnest about redeeming you and finishing what He started. You are not an accident of random chance. You were created intentionally by an intelligent and loving God for fellowship with Him and for a purpose that only you can fulfill in His plan. That purpose is not measured by whether a zoo hires you full time, or by how quickly your parents understand your dreams, or by how your path compares to your sisters.
When you do not understand His purpose, fall back on what you do know. You know He loves you, you know Jesus died and rose to redeem you, and you know He is working even now for your good as you love Him and follow Him. Cling to that by faith, even while you ask Him for open doors and wisdom.
I will pray for you, that the Lord will give you peace in this tension at home, wisdom for the next job step, favor where there has been unfairness, and a clear sense of how He wants to set your life apart for His use. May He guide your parents and you toward better understanding, provide teachers and helpers for the skills you want to learn, and shape you more and more into the likeness of His Son as you trust Him day by day.
In Jesus name, may you know His presence and His purpose sustaining you in this season.
We live in a world that is in a deep spiritual conflict. The struggles, the unfairness, the suffering and the wars we see around us are not how God originally made things to be. They are the tragic result of humanity's rebellion against Him. Even inside ourselves we feel that conflict, wanting to do what is good and right and finding ourselves unable to do it consistently. Your discouragement in the job search is part of that larger weariness that touches everyone, and it is right to bring it honestly to Jesus.
Scripture gives us some steady truths to hold onto when we do not understand what is happening. One is that God works all things according to the counsel of His own will. He does not need to ask anyone for advice, and His purposes will stand. No one can cancel what He has purposed. That does not mean every closed door or hurtful decision by an employer was His perfect desire, but it does mean that even through those disappointments He is still able to weave His larger, eternal purpose for your life.
Another truth is that for those who love God and are called according to His purpose, all things work together for good. Often we cannot see the good while the story is still unfolding. Think of Joseph, who was sold, falsely accused, and forgotten before God used that very path to preserve his family, or Esther, who was positioned as queen long before she understood why. We are tempted to judge our lives in the middle of the chapter, but God asks us to trust Him until the final chapter is written. The good He promises is above all that you will be conformed to the image of Jesus Christ, and He will use even this season of waiting and rejection to shape your character and draw you closer to Himself.
You mentioned a desire to create with puppets and voice work, and a hope to one day employ others with disabilities. That longing to use your gifts points to something Scripture teaches about being set apart. In the Old Testament the vessels in the tabernacle were sanctified, which means they were set apart for one exclusive use in worship, not for common use. In the same way, when you belong to Jesus your life, including your body and your abilities, is set apart for Him. That does not mean you must work in one specific job to be valuable to Him. It means your whole life can be an instrument of righteousness for His glory, whether in a seasonal job, in a creative business, or in how you treat others while you wait.
Because your life is set apart for Him, it is reasonable to offer yourself to Him daily and ask, Lord, how do you want to use me today. Part of that is running the race with purpose, as an athlete who runs to win, not aimlessly. And part of that is trusting that as you walk according to His purposes, He will preserve you until His purpose for you is complete. That is not a reason to live recklessly, but it is a reason to live without constant fear that your future is already ruined.
You also asked about guidance for the future. It is easy, when we know what we think God wants, to try to help Him make it happen in our own way. Scripture shows people doing that and creating more trouble for themselves. God does not need our schemes to accomplish His will. What He asks is that we trust Him and walk faithfully with what He has placed in our hands now. Prayer is not mainly a way to get God to do what we want, but a way for us to align our hearts with what He wants. You can pray, Father, accomplish Your will in my life, and show me the next faithful step.
In practical terms, that next step may be smaller than a lifelong career decision. It may be having a calm and honest conversation with your parents about how their hopes for you feel, and how your creative gifts matter to you. It may be finding one person who can sit with you and teach sewing hands on, since videos cannot answer your questions, or finding a mentor in the voice work community you are already part of. It may be continuing seasonal work for provision while you slowly build skills for a puppet business on the side, rather than feeling you must choose one or the other forever. If you have experienced discrimination, it is also wise to seek godly counsel from a trusted pastor or counselor who can help you think through your options clearly.
God gave those who trust in Jesus the Holy Spirit as a deposit, a down payment that guarantees He is earnest about redeeming you and finishing what He started. You are not an accident of random chance. You were created intentionally by an intelligent and loving God for fellowship with Him and for a purpose that only you can fulfill in His plan. That purpose is not measured by whether a zoo hires you full time, or by how quickly your parents understand your dreams, or by how your path compares to your sisters.
When you do not understand His purpose, fall back on what you do know. You know He loves you, you know Jesus died and rose to redeem you, and you know He is working even now for your good as you love Him and follow Him. Cling to that by faith, even while you ask Him for open doors and wisdom.
I will pray for you, that the Lord will give you peace in this tension at home, wisdom for the next job step, favor where there has been unfairness, and a clear sense of how He wants to set your life apart for His use. May He guide your parents and you toward better understanding, provide teachers and helpers for the skills you want to learn, and shape you more and more into the likeness of His Son as you trust Him day by day.
In Jesus name, may you know His presence and His purpose sustaining you in this season.
