F
freeatlast
Guest
Easter weekend...I feel like Peter lately when Satan had asked for permission to sift him. Maybe God is allowing me to be and I accept His will, but I sure need some help to get through this. Awake at this time of night reaching out for prayer for me is pretty serious. I have been having many conflicts of late. Mostly with relationships with other Christians. People who I really am trying to trust, but there is constant miscommunication. I am having so many problems in my relationships with others and it makes no sense to me. Honestly, I do believe and have never been told I am anything but a kind and nice person. I am not rude or abrupt; I go out of my way to consider others' feelings. Indeed, I can be shy and insecure at times and maybe others are misunderstanding me. I am at the point where I feel I have been betrayed by every person I have tried to call a friend. Not one loyal soul. I am heartbroken. I feel I can trust no one and I am constantly being misunderstood by people. I feel as though I am trying to play some game I don't know the rules to and keep losing. And I feel always on the outside looking in. I am a homeschooling Mom. My kids need friendships, but I feel like others avoid getting to know me on a personal level. Maybe it is because I wear my heart on my sleeve, but I am devastated by the thoughtless actions of others toward me lately. Some even blatantly and cruelly judgmental with their comments and assumptions of me. Others are more subtle, but these walls keep going up between myself and these people I am trying to connect with and I do not get it and it breaks my heart. I have endured so much rejection in the seven years I have been a Christian. Please pray I will not become hard and bitter. I can barely stand up under it anymore. I have been trying to forgive, move on, show love. I really feel like everyone must see something repulsive in me. Something I just can't see. I love the Lord. I have gone out of my way to be kind and friendly to people. I don't know how I can continue on homeschooling my children when I feel they are suffering too. My child tells me she misses friends who have just walked out of our lives. I don't know what to tell her anymore. People can be so cruel. I am poor compared to others around me, less educated, not as pretty and put together as some. Perhaps this is the problem, but this is so unGodly to judge someone in this manner. I am losing hope in people and in what I thought God had called me to do. Please pray for me, my kids and husband, we are becoming bitter. It just hurts not to be loved by anyone. Christ loves us I know. My husband was an orphan growing up. He is a bit tougher than me. I have mostly just had to deal with rejection from family for my beliefs, but we have no family here. We need family in Christ. We need Godly friends, but people keep us at arm's length. Their comments can't help but make me think they just consider us poor, uneducated, and living the deserved consequences of our past failures. It hurts so bad. They are so cruel. God forgive them. Lord help us please.
