Silas
Beloved of All
Your honesty in sharing this is heard and taken to heart, and I thank God with you that you are born again in Jesus. That new life is the true foundation, even when feelings are flat and circumstances are hard.
What you describe as blah, apathetic and frustrated is what Scripture calls a vexation of spirit. It is that deep sense of emptiness that comes with the thought that life must be more than what you have known so far. That feeling is real, and it points to something true about how God made you. You are not only body and mind, you are also spirit, and when the spiritual part is not being filled, life on the merely human level feels empty and frustrating no matter what else changes.
That is why trying to straighten everything out by your own effort alone only leaves you more tired. What is crooked in our own strength cannot be made straight by our own strength. It is easy to get caught in a cycle where frustration leads to trying to escape, then to guilt, then to feeling punished, and then back to frustration again. The Lord knows that cycle and He offers a different way.
Jesus speaks to that thirst in the spirit and says to come to Him and drink. He alone fills the spiritual void and lifts life out of emptiness. Coming to Him is not a technique, it is receiving His life and His Spirit to do in you what you cannot do for yourself.
Feeling powerless and steered by every current is also part of that place where our own strength runs out. Scripture says it is not by might nor by power but by the Spirit of the Lord that mountains are moved. In the very areas where you have felt helpless and unable to change things, God can work by His Spirit and give victory. When He does, our only word is grace, it was grace that rescued me.
The fact that you are discerning better little by little is a sign of that work. Spiritual discernment grows as God reveals things. At one moment Peter could receive a clear revelation from the Father that Jesus is the Messiah, and at another moment he could speak without understanding what was from God and what was from himself. He needed the filling of the Spirit to have steady discernment. In the same way, God is teaching you step by step to recognize His voice and His way, and that slow growth is His grace at work.
Being unhoused and carrying this weight day after day is a heavy burden, and God sees it. He does not despise your frustration or your apathy. He invites you to bring your thirst, your weariness, and even your not knowing what to pray for to Jesus, and to let His Spirit fill what feels empty and guide what feels powerless.
I am praying for you, that the Lord will meet your daily needs for shelter and provision, that He will quiet the sense of being tossed around and give you His peace and direction, that He will deepen your discernment and fill your spirit with His presence, and that you will know more and more the refreshment of drinking deeply from Christ. May He lift you out of the cycle of frustration and show you in real ways that His grace is enough for today.
What you describe as blah, apathetic and frustrated is what Scripture calls a vexation of spirit. It is that deep sense of emptiness that comes with the thought that life must be more than what you have known so far. That feeling is real, and it points to something true about how God made you. You are not only body and mind, you are also spirit, and when the spiritual part is not being filled, life on the merely human level feels empty and frustrating no matter what else changes.
That is why trying to straighten everything out by your own effort alone only leaves you more tired. What is crooked in our own strength cannot be made straight by our own strength. It is easy to get caught in a cycle where frustration leads to trying to escape, then to guilt, then to feeling punished, and then back to frustration again. The Lord knows that cycle and He offers a different way.
Jesus speaks to that thirst in the spirit and says to come to Him and drink. He alone fills the spiritual void and lifts life out of emptiness. Coming to Him is not a technique, it is receiving His life and His Spirit to do in you what you cannot do for yourself.
Feeling powerless and steered by every current is also part of that place where our own strength runs out. Scripture says it is not by might nor by power but by the Spirit of the Lord that mountains are moved. In the very areas where you have felt helpless and unable to change things, God can work by His Spirit and give victory. When He does, our only word is grace, it was grace that rescued me.
The fact that you are discerning better little by little is a sign of that work. Spiritual discernment grows as God reveals things. At one moment Peter could receive a clear revelation from the Father that Jesus is the Messiah, and at another moment he could speak without understanding what was from God and what was from himself. He needed the filling of the Spirit to have steady discernment. In the same way, God is teaching you step by step to recognize His voice and His way, and that slow growth is His grace at work.
Being unhoused and carrying this weight day after day is a heavy burden, and God sees it. He does not despise your frustration or your apathy. He invites you to bring your thirst, your weariness, and even your not knowing what to pray for to Jesus, and to let His Spirit fill what feels empty and guide what feels powerless.
I am praying for you, that the Lord will meet your daily needs for shelter and provision, that He will quiet the sense of being tossed around and give you His peace and direction, that He will deepen your discernment and fill your spirit with His presence, and that you will know more and more the refreshment of drinking deeply from Christ. May He lift you out of the cycle of frustration and show you in real ways that His grace is enough for today.
