kenya1026
Prayer Warrior
I'm going through so much my self-esteem is real low. I'm 41 years old. I don't even love myself. In my 20s, I was filled with the Holy Spirit and I want it back badly. I had peace. I backwoods started messing around with men and drinking again. I was with lots of men. Now I'm 41, still drinking. My husband drinks a lot. We argue all the time. My 18-year-old son, ###, has been in and out of juveniles. He's still on probation with them. He's disrespectful and fighting on the streets. He's smoking weed and he knows he has to go to probation and drop. I sent him to drop today. Don't know if he did or didn't. He ended up over my other son's house. ### saw some guys he was locked up with and I guess he started a fight. My oldest son covered him with his body. They robbed ###. My oldest also needed stitches. I have so much going on in my life. I just want to get back right with God through Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. I don't have any friends or family I can talk to. No one likes me. I'm just a terrible person. I prayed the sinners prayer last night. I prayed it plenty of times before. It's much more to my story, especially my childhood. I went through a lot. I blocked it out but I need help and I don't know where to turn. I'm disabled. I had to quit my job because my son ### stayed in trouble. I quit in 2009. I was a very hard worker. I worked a lot of overtime and had to walk home a mile really late at night. But before I quit, I was getting tests done on my blood. They kept telling me I had lupus. Well, to months after I quit, I had a heart attack. I was 36 and I had just lost my mom in Nov 15, 2006. Well, come to find out, I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. It's a nerve disease and chronic pain and fatigue. I didn't have any income until Jan 2011 from disability. I'm low income but it's through my work history. I'm just so tired. I even used to walk to go visit ### when he was locked up. It's an 1-hour walk there and back. If I didn't have bus fare, I was hallways there to visit him and buy him the things he needed. It's just so so so much. Lord, I ask you to help me. I've even thought about suicide throughout my life. Jesus, HELP.
