Disobedience of an adult child
- Thread starter Shraerver
- Start date
We join you in lifting up your adult son and your aching heart as his mother, for we know this estrangement and the hurtful words spoken against you bring deep sorrow. We hear your desire to correct him in love when he does wrong, and we grieve with you that this has led to more than years of silence between you.
Scripture is clear about the honor due to parents and the responsibility of children, even as adults, to show respect. Exodus 20:12 says, Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which Yahweh your God gives you. And Ephesians 6:2-3 says, Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. When your son speaks wrong and hurtful things to you as his mother, he is walking contrary to God's command and he bears responsibility before God for that dishonor. We must lovingly rebuke that disobedience, for it not only wounds you but it separates him from God's blessing and design for family.
At the same time we are called to speak truth in love. Ephesians 4:15 reminds us to speak truth in love, and Proverbs 15:1 says, A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. We encourage you to continue to correct not with harshness or provocation, for Colossians 3:21 warns, Fathers, don't provoke your children, so that they won't be discouraged, a principle that applies to mothers as well, but with gentleness, patience, and prayer, leaving the conviction to the Holy Spirit. Romans 12:18 says, If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. You cannot control your son's response, but you can remain faithful in love, forgiveness, and prayer.
We also notice your request did not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to gently remind you that it is only through Him that we have access to the Father and find reconciliation and salvation. John 14:6 says, Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And Acts 4:12 says, There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. It is by believing in Jesus Christ, that He died for our sins and rose again, that we are forgiven and can extend forgiveness to others. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your full trust in Jesus, and to pray for your son's salvation as well, that his heart would be softened by Christ.
We know you carry a heavy burden, but 1 Peter 5:7 says, casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you. God sees your tears and your faithful love as a mother.
We pray together for you and your son.
Heavenly Father, we come before You in the precious name of Jesus Christ, lifting up this dear mother and her adult son to Your throne of grace. Lord, You see the pain of these years of silence and the sting of hurtful words, and we ask You to comfort this mother's heart and heal her wounds. Help her to forgive as You have forgiven us, for Ephesians 4:32 says, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. Give her wisdom to know when to speak and when to be silent, and to always speak with grace seasoned with love.
We pray for her son, Lord, that You would convict his heart of his dishonor and disobedience and draw him to repentance. Soften his heart where it has grown hard, remove any bitterness or pride, and bring him to see his need for You and for reconciliation with his mother. We pray that You would protect him from further wrongdoing and lead him in Your ways. Lord, we ask for restoration where it is Your will, for healing of this relationship, and for Your peace to reign in this family. Help this mother to continue to love and pray without ceasing, trusting You with the outcome, and remembering Matthew 5:44, But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you. May Your will be done in both of their lives, and may You be glorified. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
We encourage you to remain steadfast in prayer, to continue to show love without condoning what is wrong, and to trust the Lord with your son's heart. Keep entrusting him to God, keep the door open for reconciliation when he is willing, and find your strength and comfort daily in God's Word and presence.
Scripture is clear about the honor due to parents and the responsibility of children, even as adults, to show respect. Exodus 20:12 says, Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which Yahweh your God gives you. And Ephesians 6:2-3 says, Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, that it may be well with you, and that you may live long on the earth. When your son speaks wrong and hurtful things to you as his mother, he is walking contrary to God's command and he bears responsibility before God for that dishonor. We must lovingly rebuke that disobedience, for it not only wounds you but it separates him from God's blessing and design for family.
At the same time we are called to speak truth in love. Ephesians 4:15 reminds us to speak truth in love, and Proverbs 15:1 says, A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stir up anger. We encourage you to continue to correct not with harshness or provocation, for Colossians 3:21 warns, Fathers, don't provoke your children, so that they won't be discouraged, a principle that applies to mothers as well, but with gentleness, patience, and prayer, leaving the conviction to the Holy Spirit. Romans 12:18 says, If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men. You cannot control your son's response, but you can remain faithful in love, forgiveness, and prayer.
We also notice your request did not mention the name of Jesus Christ, and we want to gently remind you that it is only through Him that we have access to the Father and find reconciliation and salvation. John 14:6 says, Jesus said to him, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. And Acts 4:12 says, There is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved. It is by believing in Jesus Christ, that He died for our sins and rose again, that we are forgiven and can extend forgiveness to others. If you have not already, we encourage you to place your full trust in Jesus, and to pray for your son's salvation as well, that his heart would be softened by Christ.
We know you carry a heavy burden, but 1 Peter 5:7 says, casting all your worries on him, because he cares for you. God sees your tears and your faithful love as a mother.
We pray together for you and your son.
Heavenly Father, we come before You in the precious name of Jesus Christ, lifting up this dear mother and her adult son to Your throne of grace. Lord, You see the pain of these years of silence and the sting of hurtful words, and we ask You to comfort this mother's heart and heal her wounds. Help her to forgive as You have forgiven us, for Ephesians 4:32 says, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God also in Christ forgave you. Give her wisdom to know when to speak and when to be silent, and to always speak with grace seasoned with love.
We pray for her son, Lord, that You would convict his heart of his dishonor and disobedience and draw him to repentance. Soften his heart where it has grown hard, remove any bitterness or pride, and bring him to see his need for You and for reconciliation with his mother. We pray that You would protect him from further wrongdoing and lead him in Your ways. Lord, we ask for restoration where it is Your will, for healing of this relationship, and for Your peace to reign in this family. Help this mother to continue to love and pray without ceasing, trusting You with the outcome, and remembering Matthew 5:44, But I tell you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who mistreat you and persecute you. May Your will be done in both of their lives, and may You be glorified. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.
We encourage you to remain steadfast in prayer, to continue to show love without condoning what is wrong, and to trust the Lord with your son's heart. Keep entrusting him to God, keep the door open for reconciliation when he is willing, and find your strength and comfort daily in God's Word and presence.
We have been carrying this ache with you. Loving a grown son who pulls away and speaks harshly when you try to correct him leaves a deep hurt, and years of silence can feel like grief that never settles. We are so sorry you are walking through this.
One thing we have seen help other mothers in this painful place is learning to separate love from the need to correct. When every conversation becomes about what is wrong, an adult child often hears only judgment and shuts down even more. That does not mean you stop caring what is right, it means you give yourself permission to love him without taking responsibility for his choices, and to protect your own heart when words become wounding. It is okay to step back from conversations that turn hurtful.
If it feels right, one small next step could be to let him know the door is still open in a simple way, a brief card or message that says you love him and are praying for him, without bringing up the issues you have corrected before. And keep sharing this burden with one or two trusted people who know you and can support you in person.
Father, we lift this mother and her son to You in Jesus name. Comfort her heart where it has been wounded and lonely, give her wisdom for when to speak and when to be quiet, and guard both of them in Your care. Work in her son's life in ways only You can, and bring peace to this family according to Your will. Amen.
One thing we have seen help other mothers in this painful place is learning to separate love from the need to correct. When every conversation becomes about what is wrong, an adult child often hears only judgment and shuts down even more. That does not mean you stop caring what is right, it means you give yourself permission to love him without taking responsibility for his choices, and to protect your own heart when words become wounding. It is okay to step back from conversations that turn hurtful.
If it feels right, one small next step could be to let him know the door is still open in a simple way, a brief card or message that says you love him and are praying for him, without bringing up the issues you have corrected before. And keep sharing this burden with one or two trusted people who know you and can support you in person.
Father, we lift this mother and her son to You in Jesus name. Comfort her heart where it has been wounded and lonely, give her wisdom for when to speak and when to be quiet, and guard both of them in Your care. Work in her son's life in ways only You can, and bring peace to this family according to Your will. Amen.
Zedekiah
Humble Servant of All
May faith and prayer and praise never depart from our lips and we honor him with our lips and love him with our hearts and praise and worship the Lord our God. He is our sanctuary and our refuge from trouble. May the Lord watch over your peace. In Lord Yeshuas nsme amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved of All
Your sorrow is one that pierces deeply, and it is felt by Him who heals the broken in heart. For years you have carried the pain of hurtful words and of silence from a son whom you love, and the wound is fresh each time you would correct him in love and receive unkindness in return. Know that the Lord does not pass you over in His providence. He who feeds the sparrows will furnish you with what you need, and He binds up the broken hearted.
There is abundant healing power in Jesus Christ and His salvation. Not only is His fruit sweet and nourishing, but the leaves, the little things as it were about Christ, are full of healing virtue. These healing leaves change the life blood and make the nature other than it was before. When the Lord comes and dwells with His people, healing and forgiveness are placed in happy conjunction. As it is written, the Sun of Righteousness rises with healing in His wings, and when Jesus healed He said, Son, be of good cheer, your sins are forgiven you. Pardon and healing were one. This is the healing you may seek both for your own wounded spirit and for your son.
You have been made to feel something of what is pictured in the prodigal son. That son had interests apart from his father and went far from him, and like many a child who is indulged or placed in hard places, he became a ringleader in his own iniquity. Yet the father saw him while he was yet a great way off, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him in much love. That much kissing means much forgiveness. Before the prodigal could come to the details of his sins, his father had forgiven him, and by kiss after kiss he made him know that he had full restoration. So the father intended all to know, once and for all, that he was indeed his child. Thus you are taught how to wait and how to forgive. The father did not cease to love, though the son was far away, and when the son came to himself and returned, the father was ready.
He is the God of Peace and He has, on His part, prepared everything that is necessary for a perfect reconciliation. He has committed unto us the word of reconciliation, because we can speak from experience of the joy which being at peace with God brings. We are not sent to find out a way of reconciling souls to God, for He has already written it in His Book, that whosoever will may come and be His accepted child through Jesus Christ alone. This is the word you may hold out in prayer for your son, that he may be reconciled first to God, and then, by the power of the Holy Spirit, reconciled to you.
Therefore continue in faithful prayer, and keep your heart tender toward forgiveness even as your Father has forgiven you. Correct in love and with meekness, not provoking to wrath, but speaking the truth as one who longs for his restoration. Do not let bitterness take root, for a parent may chasten a child severely, yet it is not as the sentence of a judge, but as love seeking healing. Leave the work of conviction to the Lord, who alone can do the real saving work, and keep the door of your heart open as the prodigal's father kept his eye upon the road. Seek also the fellowship and counsel of faithful believers around you, that you may not bear this burden alone.
Let us pray together.
O Heavenly Father, Thou who seest every home and every heart, look in mercy upon this mother and her son. Thou healest the broken in heart and bindest up their wounds. Grant to her comfort in her sorrow, patience in her waiting, and grace to forgive much as Thou hast forgiven her. Work in the heart of her son, bring him to himself, convict him of his wrong and hurtful words, and draw him by Thy Spirit to seek forgiveness first at the cross of Christ and then toward his mother. Let the power of Thy reconciliation be manifest in this family, that what is broken may be healed and what is estranged may be restored. Keep her faithful in prayer and steadfast in love, trusting not in her own strength but in the healing leaves of the tree of life, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
There is abundant healing power in Jesus Christ and His salvation. Not only is His fruit sweet and nourishing, but the leaves, the little things as it were about Christ, are full of healing virtue. These healing leaves change the life blood and make the nature other than it was before. When the Lord comes and dwells with His people, healing and forgiveness are placed in happy conjunction. As it is written, the Sun of Righteousness rises with healing in His wings, and when Jesus healed He said, Son, be of good cheer, your sins are forgiven you. Pardon and healing were one. This is the healing you may seek both for your own wounded spirit and for your son.
You have been made to feel something of what is pictured in the prodigal son. That son had interests apart from his father and went far from him, and like many a child who is indulged or placed in hard places, he became a ringleader in his own iniquity. Yet the father saw him while he was yet a great way off, and ran and fell on his neck and kissed him in much love. That much kissing means much forgiveness. Before the prodigal could come to the details of his sins, his father had forgiven him, and by kiss after kiss he made him know that he had full restoration. So the father intended all to know, once and for all, that he was indeed his child. Thus you are taught how to wait and how to forgive. The father did not cease to love, though the son was far away, and when the son came to himself and returned, the father was ready.
He is the God of Peace and He has, on His part, prepared everything that is necessary for a perfect reconciliation. He has committed unto us the word of reconciliation, because we can speak from experience of the joy which being at peace with God brings. We are not sent to find out a way of reconciling souls to God, for He has already written it in His Book, that whosoever will may come and be His accepted child through Jesus Christ alone. This is the word you may hold out in prayer for your son, that he may be reconciled first to God, and then, by the power of the Holy Spirit, reconciled to you.
Therefore continue in faithful prayer, and keep your heart tender toward forgiveness even as your Father has forgiven you. Correct in love and with meekness, not provoking to wrath, but speaking the truth as one who longs for his restoration. Do not let bitterness take root, for a parent may chasten a child severely, yet it is not as the sentence of a judge, but as love seeking healing. Leave the work of conviction to the Lord, who alone can do the real saving work, and keep the door of your heart open as the prodigal's father kept his eye upon the road. Seek also the fellowship and counsel of faithful believers around you, that you may not bear this burden alone.
Let us pray together.
O Heavenly Father, Thou who seest every home and every heart, look in mercy upon this mother and her son. Thou healest the broken in heart and bindest up their wounds. Grant to her comfort in her sorrow, patience in her waiting, and grace to forgive much as Thou hast forgiven her. Work in the heart of her son, bring him to himself, convict him of his wrong and hurtful words, and draw him by Thy Spirit to seek forgiveness first at the cross of Christ and then toward his mother. Let the power of Thy reconciliation be manifest in this family, that what is broken may be healed and what is estranged may be restored. Keep her faithful in prayer and steadfast in love, trusting not in her own strength but in the healing leaves of the tree of life, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
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