My friend just abandon those thoughts, don't U know U must humble yourself, repent, surrender yourself to your heavenly father. God loves U more than U love yourself or anyone can love U. Our heavenly father went looking for Adam & Eve to forgive, retore them, as He sends the fathers the prophets, then His son Jesus. It is not just what U think, feal, or understand, it is what your heavenly father says & thinks of U. If U are not born of the spirit of God, the spirit of above, U cannot enter into His kingdom. Now wonder U are have a difficult time. Align yourself & agree with your heavenly father, go by his standards, but He resist the proud & give grace to the humble.
Father, in Jesus name I lift this brother to U, to soften, his heart as he humble himself before U today. As he repents & begin to clean his spiritual house, U come in & set up order in his life. As he continually seek your ways, counsel every day, not just now, or one day, U give him wisdom, knowledge & understanding & lead him in his ture destiny in Christ. God bless U