Please forgive me for this long story, but please here me out because I need so much prayer, as does my family. In the Summer of 2016, my dad began having severe nerve pain that made it hurt to walk, he thought it was just sciatica, but it kept getting worse and worse. We have no insurance, so he didn't want to go to the hospital about it, but in mid December 2016, he became completely unable to walk. He was stuck on the couch and was in denial about it for days...he never once moved off of the couch, so you can imagine the state of him...it was very bad. And then we found a huge bed sore on his left leg because it was completely numb he never felt it or move his leg from pressing on the couch. I BEGGED my parents to just call an ambulance for him, because he was paralyzed living in filth with a severe wound, but they wouldn't listen. Then on the night of December 20th I was up all night taking care of our dog who was sick and dying, she went peacefully, but just a day after she passed away I was faced with another traumatic experience. My dad had recently begun lashing out violently at me, which was completely out of his character, then on the night of December 21st, my dad began talking absolute nonsense. He was completely out of his head and lost all control of his bodily functions. My mom was horrified as was I, and on the morning of December 22nd my dad had to be rushed to the ER. 5 Firemen had to come and carry him out of our house to put him in a vehicle.
At the hospital they did an MRI and found a tumor on his spine, and decided they would operate on it the next day. So one the 23rd of December they tried to remove the tumor, only to find it inoperable and that it had grown around a cluster of nerves affecting my dad's legs... they also scanned him again an found smaller tumors on his spine as well as one in his brain...which was what was causing him to act crazy. Days later they did brain surgery to try and remove the tumor, and they got some but not all, but they tested it and he was diagnosed with an extremely rare cancer called CNS lymphoma, a blood cancer that attacks the central nervous system. Even after treatment it has an 80% chance of returning and it's so vicious it made my 48yo father paralyzed and talk completely insane. During 2017 my dad got chemo until August, and he was in remission. Ever since then he' been in a physical therapy rehab center, but has made little progress and is still in a wheelchair. Ever since last week my dad has been acting strange again like before, and he's been refusing baths and today the nurses food blood in his urine so they sent him to urgent care, but they only tested him for a kidney infection and found no infection so they sent him back to the PT center despite his hours of confusion and history of cancer.They contacted my dad's oncologist from last year and she said she thinks his cancer has come back and I am pleading with you all to PLEASE pray for him, my mom, and myself. We're so scared I cant even put it into words. My mom and granny go to talk to the people at the therapy center tomorrow to see what all needs to be done for him. He needs another MRI but I don't know how he'll get one since we still have no money or insurance. I'm so worried they won't do anything for him and hospitals will just reject him.
On top of that, my dad was the only one who worked in our family bc we only had one vehicle, and my mom never learned how to drive, and while I wanted to drive, my dad never taught me. But I wanted to practice and get my license last year so I could drive my dad's vehicle, so I could work and provide for my parents, but my granny (my dad's mom) literally forced my dad to give the truck to her instead, so now we rely solely on her for transportation. My granny is not a good woman. She's unstable, selfish, an addict who will steal from anyone and ruin your life. I'm so terrified that my parents let us depend on her so much. My mom and I had to move in with my grandparents (my mom's parents) because since we have no income we cant pay our utility bills in our own home. We've been living like this for over a year now and it is nothing but misery. We got on food stamps last year for 3 months and then they cut us off because we had no one to drive us to the place to do the things required to keep the food stamps after the 3 months. My dad applied for disability in January 2017, and rejected him twice, now he's on his third try but they're still dragging it out despite him being clearly disabled and us being in such a bad situation. It's so scary and disheartening.
I've struggled with severe untreated depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts for 10 years, and all of it has gotten MUCH worse in this past year. I think about killing myself every single day now and it terrifies me. I'm very good at learning languages, so I've learned a lot of them and always dreamed of being a translator and language teacher, but now those dreams are crushed. I don't have any income or transportation to achieve anything. Not a college education, not a job, none of it. I'm literally trapped in my grandparents house unless my granny actually takes us to visit my dad. My grandparents are often verbally abusive which makes things only harder for me and my mom. I am so hopeless and hurting over my dad, our whole seemingly hopeless situation, and my lack of a happy successful future. I've had so many traumatic things happen to men all my life. I cant even put them all here. I have been a believer in Christ Jesus as my savior since I was a child, but at this point I feel like there is nothing good ahead for me and that nothing good can happen to me. All I get is hurt, after hurt, after hurt, and I fear that's all I'll ever get. At this rate I really feel like I'm going to kill myself before the year is over because I can't go through this much longer. My existence seems meaningless aside from suffering. My dreams I've had since I was a child are crushed and seem more like sick jokes put into my head that satan wanted me to believe so he could crush them.
I ask you again to please pray for me and my parents. If you've read all of this I apologize because it's all so awful, but I thank you for reading it all and praying for us. We need all the prayers we can get.
At the hospital they did an MRI and found a tumor on his spine, and decided they would operate on it the next day. So one the 23rd of December they tried to remove the tumor, only to find it inoperable and that it had grown around a cluster of nerves affecting my dad's legs... they also scanned him again an found smaller tumors on his spine as well as one in his brain...which was what was causing him to act crazy. Days later they did brain surgery to try and remove the tumor, and they got some but not all, but they tested it and he was diagnosed with an extremely rare cancer called CNS lymphoma, a blood cancer that attacks the central nervous system. Even after treatment it has an 80% chance of returning and it's so vicious it made my 48yo father paralyzed and talk completely insane. During 2017 my dad got chemo until August, and he was in remission. Ever since then he' been in a physical therapy rehab center, but has made little progress and is still in a wheelchair. Ever since last week my dad has been acting strange again like before, and he's been refusing baths and today the nurses food blood in his urine so they sent him to urgent care, but they only tested him for a kidney infection and found no infection so they sent him back to the PT center despite his hours of confusion and history of cancer.They contacted my dad's oncologist from last year and she said she thinks his cancer has come back and I am pleading with you all to PLEASE pray for him, my mom, and myself. We're so scared I cant even put it into words. My mom and granny go to talk to the people at the therapy center tomorrow to see what all needs to be done for him. He needs another MRI but I don't know how he'll get one since we still have no money or insurance. I'm so worried they won't do anything for him and hospitals will just reject him.
On top of that, my dad was the only one who worked in our family bc we only had one vehicle, and my mom never learned how to drive, and while I wanted to drive, my dad never taught me. But I wanted to practice and get my license last year so I could drive my dad's vehicle, so I could work and provide for my parents, but my granny (my dad's mom) literally forced my dad to give the truck to her instead, so now we rely solely on her for transportation. My granny is not a good woman. She's unstable, selfish, an addict who will steal from anyone and ruin your life. I'm so terrified that my parents let us depend on her so much. My mom and I had to move in with my grandparents (my mom's parents) because since we have no income we cant pay our utility bills in our own home. We've been living like this for over a year now and it is nothing but misery. We got on food stamps last year for 3 months and then they cut us off because we had no one to drive us to the place to do the things required to keep the food stamps after the 3 months. My dad applied for disability in January 2017, and rejected him twice, now he's on his third try but they're still dragging it out despite him being clearly disabled and us being in such a bad situation. It's so scary and disheartening.
I've struggled with severe untreated depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts for 10 years, and all of it has gotten MUCH worse in this past year. I think about killing myself every single day now and it terrifies me. I'm very good at learning languages, so I've learned a lot of them and always dreamed of being a translator and language teacher, but now those dreams are crushed. I don't have any income or transportation to achieve anything. Not a college education, not a job, none of it. I'm literally trapped in my grandparents house unless my granny actually takes us to visit my dad. My grandparents are often verbally abusive which makes things only harder for me and my mom. I am so hopeless and hurting over my dad, our whole seemingly hopeless situation, and my lack of a happy successful future. I've had so many traumatic things happen to men all my life. I cant even put them all here. I have been a believer in Christ Jesus as my savior since I was a child, but at this point I feel like there is nothing good ahead for me and that nothing good can happen to me. All I get is hurt, after hurt, after hurt, and I fear that's all I'll ever get. At this rate I really feel like I'm going to kill myself before the year is over because I can't go through this much longer. My existence seems meaningless aside from suffering. My dreams I've had since I was a child are crushed and seem more like sick jokes put into my head that satan wanted me to believe so he could crush them.
I ask you again to please pray for me and my parents. If you've read all of this I apologize because it's all so awful, but I thank you for reading it all and praying for us. We need all the prayers we can get.
