ashleysosa44
Disciple of Prayer
I am usually very strong, and can find happiness and enjoy life no matter what. But these last 3 months have torn me into pieces. I'm on the verge of giving up. I'm not suicidal, though the thoughts do exist, but I have lost the desire to live. I need prayers. My children need prayers.
And extra help if anyone can give it.
http://www.gofundme.com/n42kqffc
I've been on my own in this world since I was 16 and I have never needed to ask for prayers or for help.
I had been prideful up until now. Humility and desperation has overpowered my pride. I've always had faith that God doesn't make mistakes, but I also know that God can only help those who help themselves.
I am thankful for all of the wonderful things that I have had and I'm thankful that my childhood trauma has not taken over my adult life.
But I've encountered the worst 3 months of my entire life, and I just don't know what to do. My faith is there but I feel it slipping. I feel my questioning, and though I'm trying hard to keep face, time is pushing against me.
I lost my grandma in May. My mom was in and out of my life so my grandma was more like a mom to me. I'm thankful that I got to be there beside her when she passed. But it drained every penny of my small savings. I had to take an unpaid, 2 week leave of absence from work. When she passed, the earliest they could cremate her was 4-5 days after the fact. I had no money left so I had to go back across state lines (500 miles), and get back to work.
A month later, I returned to plan the memorial service and help settle unfinished business. Another unpaid leave of a week.
a few days after I got back home, my car broke down in the middle of the road. We managed to push it into a parking lot, where, thankfully, it still sits. It's been over a month and I've replaced the battery, the terminals and the alternator, which is what everyone has said it should be. No luck. My last bit of money went to the replacements that did nothing.
Shortly after the car breaks down, I get sick. Pneumonia. I had to go to a doctor. I was getting worse and knew that I needed antibiotics.
I now have 2 medical bills from that visit alone. And the medicine wasn't cheap.
I'm still coughing, though the pain and breathing got better after 3 weeks.
Without my car, I lost my job.
My oldest has autism and I cannot use just anybody as a babysitter. They have to be trained to work with special needs children. And I've canceled all of his therapy and doctor appointments because I cannot afford a cab to downtown.
Now every single bill is a pink slip. Water can be cut off any day now. They charge $150 to turn it back on. Power has another week but I tried talking them into 2 weeks. They're supposed to call me back about it.
And on top of all of that, my kids start school in the morning with no supplies. I was able to get them each a uniform shirt and use last years shorts. They do have backpacks from last year. But I have no idea how I'm going to get them supplies.
Ramen noodles aren't a good diet for children. But it's food.
I don't get government aid. No food stamps. Nothing like that. But I applied and they said it would take 2 months because I made $200 over the maximum monthly amount before I lost my job. In other words, they want proof I'm not lying about now working.
My children can't wait 2 weeks.
I've spent the last 2 days applying for every loan I can find. I'm so desperate I don't even care if it's legal so long as my children eat.
But sadly, I've never built my credit. I've always bought my cars out right. I've always saved up instead of using credit cards. And now it's backfiring.
The only loan approval was for $900 and the 6 month long monthly payments were over $500. I'd end up in more debt than I started with.
I ask for prayers. I ask that you pray for my 2 children So that they can go to bed each night with a full belly.
I am human and I am weak. I sin, but I know I am forgiven.
But I'm afraid this strain is ruining my faith. Whether I'm being tested or not, i am having a difficult time accepting that my children deserve this. They are innocent.
I am asking with humility for help in any form. A prayer, a dollar, or advice. Desperation took over my pride and with my head hung in shame, I am on my knees begging.
I was not blessed with a family that can lend help or even a shoulder to cry on.
My last attempt to keep my children from being homeless, and a chance to fix my car so that I may work again, is desperate begging.
Thank you all for the prayers. Thank you all for reading. Thank you so much and God bless.
And extra help if anyone can give it.
http://www.gofundme.com/n42kqffc
I've been on my own in this world since I was 16 and I have never needed to ask for prayers or for help.
I had been prideful up until now. Humility and desperation has overpowered my pride. I've always had faith that God doesn't make mistakes, but I also know that God can only help those who help themselves.
I am thankful for all of the wonderful things that I have had and I'm thankful that my childhood trauma has not taken over my adult life.
But I've encountered the worst 3 months of my entire life, and I just don't know what to do. My faith is there but I feel it slipping. I feel my questioning, and though I'm trying hard to keep face, time is pushing against me.
I lost my grandma in May. My mom was in and out of my life so my grandma was more like a mom to me. I'm thankful that I got to be there beside her when she passed. But it drained every penny of my small savings. I had to take an unpaid, 2 week leave of absence from work. When she passed, the earliest they could cremate her was 4-5 days after the fact. I had no money left so I had to go back across state lines (500 miles), and get back to work.
A month later, I returned to plan the memorial service and help settle unfinished business. Another unpaid leave of a week.
a few days after I got back home, my car broke down in the middle of the road. We managed to push it into a parking lot, where, thankfully, it still sits. It's been over a month and I've replaced the battery, the terminals and the alternator, which is what everyone has said it should be. No luck. My last bit of money went to the replacements that did nothing.
Shortly after the car breaks down, I get sick. Pneumonia. I had to go to a doctor. I was getting worse and knew that I needed antibiotics.
I now have 2 medical bills from that visit alone. And the medicine wasn't cheap.
I'm still coughing, though the pain and breathing got better after 3 weeks.
Without my car, I lost my job.
My oldest has autism and I cannot use just anybody as a babysitter. They have to be trained to work with special needs children. And I've canceled all of his therapy and doctor appointments because I cannot afford a cab to downtown.
Now every single bill is a pink slip. Water can be cut off any day now. They charge $150 to turn it back on. Power has another week but I tried talking them into 2 weeks. They're supposed to call me back about it.
And on top of all of that, my kids start school in the morning with no supplies. I was able to get them each a uniform shirt and use last years shorts. They do have backpacks from last year. But I have no idea how I'm going to get them supplies.
Ramen noodles aren't a good diet for children. But it's food.
I don't get government aid. No food stamps. Nothing like that. But I applied and they said it would take 2 months because I made $200 over the maximum monthly amount before I lost my job. In other words, they want proof I'm not lying about now working.
My children can't wait 2 weeks.
I've spent the last 2 days applying for every loan I can find. I'm so desperate I don't even care if it's legal so long as my children eat.
But sadly, I've never built my credit. I've always bought my cars out right. I've always saved up instead of using credit cards. And now it's backfiring.
The only loan approval was for $900 and the 6 month long monthly payments were over $500. I'd end up in more debt than I started with.
I ask for prayers. I ask that you pray for my 2 children So that they can go to bed each night with a full belly.
I am human and I am weak. I sin, but I know I am forgiven.
But I'm afraid this strain is ruining my faith. Whether I'm being tested or not, i am having a difficult time accepting that my children deserve this. They are innocent.
I am asking with humility for help in any form. A prayer, a dollar, or advice. Desperation took over my pride and with my head hung in shame, I am on my knees begging.
I was not blessed with a family that can lend help or even a shoulder to cry on.
My last attempt to keep my children from being homeless, and a chance to fix my car so that I may work again, is desperate begging.
Thank you all for the prayers. Thank you all for reading. Thank you so much and God bless.
