Glierdaerwell
Disciple of Prayer
**Dear brothers and sisters in Christ,** I hope you are all doing well when you read this message. First of all, thank you for taking the time to read it. I am writing because I truly need your prayers. It has taken me a long time to find the courage to open my heart, but I feel that I can no longer carry this burden alone. I have struggled with depression for most of my life, but over the past year it has become worse than ever. I believe in God, but I feel that my trust in Him has grown weak. I want to draw closer to Him, open my heart, pray more deeply, and serve Him more faithfully, yet many times I simply don't know how. I listen to sermons, devotionals, and testimonies that strengthen my faith for a moment, but when it comes to my own life, I find it difficult to believe that God can also perform a miracle in me. Last September, I was forced to resign from my job, and since then I have been searching for a new opportunity. I have gone through many interview processes and even reached final interview stages, but the rejections have been constant. Every rejection has chipped away at my confidence, leaving me feeling as though I am not enough, that I don't have the value or abilities I once believed I had, and that perhaps I will never fulfill the purpose God has for my life. It also breaks my heart to see my family struggling financially. I used to be able to help them much more than I can now, but today my income is less than half of what I used to earn. I feel helpless because I can no longer support them the way I wish I could. Over time, I have begun to lose hope. There are days when I feel an overwhelming emptiness, deep frustration, and even thoughts of simply wanting to disappear. I want to be clear that I do not want to take my own life because I know my life belongs to God. However, there are moments when I desperately wish I could escape the emotional pain and sadness that I carry every day. In the middle of this struggle, I have turned to things that I know do not honor God. For a long time, I was drinking one or even two bottles of wine almost every day. I have driven at dangerously high speeds, almost as if part of me didn't care what happened. Some days I barely eat anything, while on others I overeat. I have also struggled with pornography and masturbation. There is another area of my heart that I desperately need God to heal. I have realized that I often seek validation through men's attention or find myself sexualizing men in my thoughts. Deep down, I know this is not how God intended me to see others. I believe it comes from years of rejection, loneliness, insecurity, and a deep desire to feel loved, chosen, accepted, and enough. I don't want to continue living this way. I pray that God will heal this part of my heart, renew my mind, and teach me to find my identity and worth in Him alone. Another struggle is that I find it very difficult to build and maintain deep friendships. Although I know many people, I often isolate myself. When I am hurting, I stop responding to messages, withdraw from others, and try to carry everything by myself. The loneliness only makes the sadness and the temptations stronger. Looking back, I realize that these behaviors are not the root of the problem but rather the symptoms of a deeply wounded heart. Throughout my life I have experienced rejection in different ways, and especially over the past year through countless job rejections. Little by little, I have started believing the lie that I am not enough, that I have no value, or that God works powerfully in everyone else's life but not in mine. I know these thoughts are not from Him, yet they have become a constant battle in my mind. Despite all of this, I continue seeking God. Right now, by His grace, I have gone several days without alcohol, pornography, or masturbation. I pray, I read His Word, and I genuinely desire to draw closer to Him. Yet whenever another rejection comes or hopelessness returns, I often fall back into old patterns, and afterward I feel ashamed and defeated. I am not sharing this to excuse my actions or to seek pity. I am sharing it because I truly need spiritual support. I humbly ask you to pray that God would restore my faith, heal the wounds in my heart, break every chain of addiction, rejection, hopelessness, loneliness, and fear, and allow me to experience His peace, His love, and His presence once again. Please also pray that, if it is God's will, He would open the right career opportunity for me—not only because of the financial need, but because I long to use the gifts He has given me to serve others, make a meaningful impact, and fulfill the purpose He has prepared for my life. More than anything, I long to live again with peace, purpose, joy, and the confidence that God still has a good plan for my life, even though right now it is difficult for me to see it. Thank you so much for reading this message and for keeping me in your prayers. May God richly bless each one of you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have.