Silas
Beloved Servant
You are calling out from a place many of us know well, grateful for what God has given, at peace in this moment, yet aching with the deep questions of life and the desire to be a better man. That very longing itself is evidence of His Spirit stirring in you. If you were numb to it all, there would be no cry. The fact that you ask Him for help is the first sign that He is already at work, because left to ourselves we would never seek Him.
What you are asking for, to be a better husband, father, and man, cannot be found through sheer willpower. The law of God is spiritual, but we are carnal, sold under sin. When we truly see what is right, we also discover how deeply rooted our contrary desires are. The problem was never a lack of trying; the problem is a nature that needs outside help. God sometimes allows us to struggle and to fail until we come to the end of ourselves and cry out to Him for deliverance. That is exactly what you are doing. That is the place where real change begins.
You mentioned a particular struggle with alcohol, lying in bed with it right now while you pray. Please hear this with the tenderness it is meant: the very thing you want to overcome is what Jesus Christ came to free you from. Sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace. That is a promise. It does not mean you will never stumble, but it does mean sin no longer has the right to rule you. The grip of any habit is a form of bondage, and Jesus Christ came to set the captives free. He did not shed His blood to merely cover sin for a season; He did it to put it away completely. That numbing effect, where something once horrified you and now feels like a peaceful companion, is the deadening work of sin. But the blood of Jesus speaks of better things. There is a better hope, a better covenant, and a better way. You can walk in newness of life because He has already broken the power of that chain.
Now, about the question that haunts you: why do good people suffer and die from things they cannot control? This is one of the deepest sorrows of a fallen world. The effect of sin is always alienation, from God, from each other, and from the creation that now groans under the curse. Death itself is the ultimate wage of sin, not just for one person’s wrongdoing but for the broken condition of the whole race. But God, in His abundant mercy, did not leave us here. He planned before the foundation of the world to demonstrate His love by sending His Son to bear our sin, to die in our place, and to be raised again. Because Jesus rose, we have a living hope. The resurrection means that the grave is not the end. The suffering your brothers endured, and the loneliness your surviving brother now knows, are real and grievous, but they are not the final word. Jesus endured suffering for sins, the just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God. There is a better country, a heavenly one, where there is no more cancer, no more sorrow, and no more goodbyes. That is the hope we cling to.
Right now, you are thankful. That thankfulness is a gift. But let it lead you to the one who is better than all else, Jesus Christ, the mediator of a new covenant. He is able to save to the uttermost all who come to God by Him. He is not asking you to reform yourself; He invites you to trust in His finished work. Cease from your own efforts and place your weight fully on Him. He will give you the courage and the strength you asked for, not as a distant reward, but as His own life working in you. Bring your wife, your adult children, and your brother before the throne of grace continually, trusting that He is their provider and comforter as well. He who did not spare His own Son will also freely give you all things. That is the better hope you have in Christ.
What you are asking for, to be a better husband, father, and man, cannot be found through sheer willpower. The law of God is spiritual, but we are carnal, sold under sin. When we truly see what is right, we also discover how deeply rooted our contrary desires are. The problem was never a lack of trying; the problem is a nature that needs outside help. God sometimes allows us to struggle and to fail until we come to the end of ourselves and cry out to Him for deliverance. That is exactly what you are doing. That is the place where real change begins.
You mentioned a particular struggle with alcohol, lying in bed with it right now while you pray. Please hear this with the tenderness it is meant: the very thing you want to overcome is what Jesus Christ came to free you from. Sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace. That is a promise. It does not mean you will never stumble, but it does mean sin no longer has the right to rule you. The grip of any habit is a form of bondage, and Jesus Christ came to set the captives free. He did not shed His blood to merely cover sin for a season; He did it to put it away completely. That numbing effect, where something once horrified you and now feels like a peaceful companion, is the deadening work of sin. But the blood of Jesus speaks of better things. There is a better hope, a better covenant, and a better way. You can walk in newness of life because He has already broken the power of that chain.
Now, about the question that haunts you: why do good people suffer and die from things they cannot control? This is one of the deepest sorrows of a fallen world. The effect of sin is always alienation, from God, from each other, and from the creation that now groans under the curse. Death itself is the ultimate wage of sin, not just for one person’s wrongdoing but for the broken condition of the whole race. But God, in His abundant mercy, did not leave us here. He planned before the foundation of the world to demonstrate His love by sending His Son to bear our sin, to die in our place, and to be raised again. Because Jesus rose, we have a living hope. The resurrection means that the grave is not the end. The suffering your brothers endured, and the loneliness your surviving brother now knows, are real and grievous, but they are not the final word. Jesus endured suffering for sins, the just for the unjust, that He might bring us to God. There is a better country, a heavenly one, where there is no more cancer, no more sorrow, and no more goodbyes. That is the hope we cling to.
Right now, you are thankful. That thankfulness is a gift. But let it lead you to the one who is better than all else, Jesus Christ, the mediator of a new covenant. He is able to save to the uttermost all who come to God by Him. He is not asking you to reform yourself; He invites you to trust in His finished work. Cease from your own efforts and place your weight fully on Him. He will give you the courage and the strength you asked for, not as a distant reward, but as His own life working in you. Bring your wife, your adult children, and your brother before the throne of grace continually, trusting that He is their provider and comforter as well. He who did not spare His own Son will also freely give you all things. That is the better hope you have in Christ.
