I cried. Today I cried again. Though weeping from the same heart, the reasons could not have been more different.
There is something that severs the soul when you realize that you hadn't been loved the way you thought or the way you had loved. Day before yesterday, I realized that someone in close relation to me fit that scenario in my life. As if that realization weren't hurtful enough, when I recalled the likely reason, I was overcome with grief. I was inconsolably saddened. Not because of something I had done to them; nor even something they had done to me. But because I realized that this person had harbored a resentment toward me because of that which they were caught in the act of attempting, disciplined sorely and prevented from doing.
My sadness turned into sheer anger when I thought on the sequence of events throughout my life that confirmed what my heart and mind hadn't wanted to accept. For years this person had been coming between my familial relationships, getting in the midst of my social and professional relationships. And never seemed quite able to celebrate my accomplishments. So, when it seemed like I was on the verge of entering into a relationship with someone (in the natural), where I could possibly be exalted far beyond what they had ever attainted; they panicked and sprang into action to put a stop to it. What they failed to realize, is that I had already entered into such a relationship, with one whom they could never influence nor manipulate. I had briefly thought about going online and dogging them out in detail. But, the Bible says "be angry, but do not sin." Therefore, I instead, hid myself for a while, if you will, until my own indignation had subsided. I came to the conclusion that their obvious insecurity, even to this date, was too pathetic to give further energy to.
"BUT GOD." Literally turned my mourning into joy. Today I cried again, this time "tears of joy." Hurley, one of the homeless people who sleeps on the same street as me, gave me one the best gifts ever. The weather has been a little cold and rainy lately and I was layering my summer clothes, with only a light throw wrapped around me for warmth. Hurley, whose appearance is reminiscent of one who could, easily, be cast as Moses, long white beard and all, exhibited true brotherly love. (God is definitely rewriting my story. I'm creative, but, I simply can not make this stuff up.)
Hurley, SEEING that I had no coat, blessed me with a bag full of coats and long sleeved blouses of many colors. So many that, after I took what I needed, there was enough left to share with others. Hurley, who admittedly, finds warmth in a six-pack before turning in, could quite easily have required some form of payment, but he gave freely because someone had given to him. Perhaps even recognizing that we all have faults, looked past my possible fault of intruding on his turf, choosing instead, to meet my need. He did not stand atop a mountain and bellow down at me, in arrogance, "WORK WITH WHAT YOU HAVE." He was in a position to help; so he did.
To give you a more complete picture, Hurley is not someone who drives an extended cab 4x4. Hurley pushes a basket filled with, what appears to be, his worldly possessions. He, like most people on the streets, has had some tough breaks; yet he had enough compassion in his heart to think of someone else's needs.
I have met some of the most kind-hearted, gifted and talented people on the streets, who, for varying reasons, find themselves homeless. Some due to chronic unemployment others have drug, family, health and/or mental issues. I have been diagnosed with depression. Which some, antagonistically, label as "bipolar." But if bipolar is my only issue as a result of all the trauma I've been through; then I say, Prozac "do yo thang!" That's what it's there for.
I could very easily have turned to drugs, prostitution, become sexually promiscuous, ended up in prison for seeking my own justice or worse. But I met a man from Galilee. Don't get me wrong I'm not judging those who have fallen into those traps. I'm just saying, I understand. But this man that I mentioned, the one from Galilee: He can pick you up and turn your life around. All while allowing you to see your desires upon your enemies. He will turn those things that were meant for evil, to your good. A love relationship with Him guarantees that all things work together for your good, when you answer the call of purpose that He has on your life. In other words: You're worth so much more than your current situation.
I have sometimes wondered what could possibly be so precious to a homeless person that they would push it around, in a basket, from here, to there and back again. I now know, it sometimes, just might be someone else's blessing. God has many types of vessels. This time it happened to be one of metal on wheels. In what kind of vessel might God have placed your blessing.
My takeaway: Weeping may endure for a day; but joy comes in the morning.
Thank You LORD for Hurley. Thank You for those who donated the clothes. Thank You most of all for being Jehovah Jireh, my provider. I do love YOU so.
Ya'll know there's always a song in my heart. The song that personifies me. My favorite song of all times, ever (period): "Thank You" - Vanessa Bell Armstrong
