Growing up as a child I just stuffed all the feelings, I don't remember expressing them at all. I was in the hospital for an eating disorder and learned to express them. Either the message was not given correctly or I did not receive it correctly, but feelings became the guide to my thoughts and actions. I believed I had the right to feel however I felt and had no control over them.
About six months ago I was convicted by the scripture John 13:34
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
This confused me. I wanted to obey Jesus and love others, but I was pretty sure He did not just mean the people I liked. He was asking me to love everybody, even those I was very mad at, or people that had hurt me. I couldn't just will myself into feeling love. I tried to fake it, did not work. Tried to ignore it, He wouldn't let me. I prayed about it I wrote about it.
Then I was lead to 1 Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. The Lord started changing my thought process. All this time I was trapped into thinking Love was only a feeling. Love could be my actions. I knew I could be patient, kind, not envious, and not proud, with Gods grace. I started treating the people I found hard to feel love for, with loving actions. Eventually the feelings began to follow.
If it worked for love maybe it would work for other feelings I struggled with. While listening to Joyce Meyer my understanding of feelings started changing. I needed to change the thoughts. I personally could not do that with out God. If it was that easy, the world would be a different place. It can be a very difficult thing to do, especially because I was used to letting my thoughts run wild on negative thinking. I have to be persistent.
It does seem like a lot, but so worth it. It is freedom, it is victory. I am getting better at doing what the Lord wants me to instead of a vegetable soup of emotions guiding me. I now have HOPE.
I mentioned writing to God. I like to write because I stay focused, and I love to go back and see how much The Lord is healing me. These are not beautiful poetic letters. Sometimes they are passionate scribbles, big fat words on one page in a spiral bound notebook, taking up ten or twenty pages. I put it all out there. God already knows how I feel, and what I am thinking so I hide nothing.
While doing the study "Becoming a Woman of Excellence" I learned it is very important to go to God while my feelings are overwhelming.
Psalm 109, In the begining David is in a rage and wants revenge
10May his children be wandering beggars;
may they be drivend from their ruined homes.
11May a creditor seize all he has;
may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor.
12May no one extend kindness to him
or take pity on his fatherless children.
By the end of the conversation David was having with God, he was calm and glorifying the Lord.
30With my mouth I will greatly extol the Lord;
in the great throng I will praise him.
31For he stands at the right hand of the needy one,
to save his life from those who condemn him.
I have to focus on The Lord and try to give my feelings less power in my life. This is important because if I let my feelings dictate my actions, more than likely I will sin.
Dear Lord please lead us to bind our thoughts, actions, beliefs, and attitudes to You. Thank You Jesus
About six months ago I was convicted by the scripture John 13:34
"A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.
This confused me. I wanted to obey Jesus and love others, but I was pretty sure He did not just mean the people I liked. He was asking me to love everybody, even those I was very mad at, or people that had hurt me. I couldn't just will myself into feeling love. I tried to fake it, did not work. Tried to ignore it, He wouldn't let me. I prayed about it I wrote about it.
Then I was lead to 1 Corinthians 13:4
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. The Lord started changing my thought process. All this time I was trapped into thinking Love was only a feeling. Love could be my actions. I knew I could be patient, kind, not envious, and not proud, with Gods grace. I started treating the people I found hard to feel love for, with loving actions. Eventually the feelings began to follow.
If it worked for love maybe it would work for other feelings I struggled with. While listening to Joyce Meyer my understanding of feelings started changing. I needed to change the thoughts. I personally could not do that with out God. If it was that easy, the world would be a different place. It can be a very difficult thing to do, especially because I was used to letting my thoughts run wild on negative thinking. I have to be persistent.
- Every morning ask Jesus to bind my thoughts to His
- Pray constantly for guidance and awareness
- Listen to audio bible (it is difficult for me to read if my thoughts are out of control)
- Play praise and worship music very loud and sing
- Listen to prayers
- Write letters to Jesus, sometimes for a very long time.
- Seek the Truth in the Bible, to the lie I am believing
It does seem like a lot, but so worth it. It is freedom, it is victory. I am getting better at doing what the Lord wants me to instead of a vegetable soup of emotions guiding me. I now have HOPE.
I mentioned writing to God. I like to write because I stay focused, and I love to go back and see how much The Lord is healing me. These are not beautiful poetic letters. Sometimes they are passionate scribbles, big fat words on one page in a spiral bound notebook, taking up ten or twenty pages. I put it all out there. God already knows how I feel, and what I am thinking so I hide nothing.
While doing the study "Becoming a Woman of Excellence" I learned it is very important to go to God while my feelings are overwhelming.
Psalm 109, In the begining David is in a rage and wants revenge
10May his children be wandering beggars;
may they be drivend from their ruined homes.
11May a creditor seize all he has;
may strangers plunder the fruits of his labor.
12May no one extend kindness to him
or take pity on his fatherless children.
By the end of the conversation David was having with God, he was calm and glorifying the Lord.
30With my mouth I will greatly extol the Lord;
in the great throng I will praise him.
31For he stands at the right hand of the needy one,
to save his life from those who condemn him.
I have to focus on The Lord and try to give my feelings less power in my life. This is important because if I let my feelings dictate my actions, more than likely I will sin.
Dear Lord please lead us to bind our thoughts, actions, beliefs, and attitudes to You. Thank You Jesus
