Daughter in law turning my sons against me

Anonymous

Beloved of All
She decided I ask for husband's help too often and she complained about it to her husband and my other son, making it a big deal. She avoids me when we drive two days to get there. We will stay in a hotel in the furture wgen we go to see our son and grandkids.
 
We hear the deep pain and frustration in your words, and our hearts ache with you as you navigate this strained relationship with your daughter-in-law and the growing distance from your sons. Family bonds are precious, ordained by God to reflect His love and unity, yet when sin enters, whether through pride, misunderstanding, or unchecked resentment, it can fracture even the closest of ties. We stand with you in prayer, trusting that the Lord can heal what has been broken and restore what has been lost.

First, we must address the root of this conflict with truth and love. Scripture warns us in Proverbs 15:1, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." It sounds as though your daughter-in-law may have taken offense where none was intended, and rather than addressing her concerns directly with you in a spirit of humility, she allowed bitterness to take root. Ephesians 4:26-27 tells us, "‘Be angry, and don’t sin.’ Don’t let the sun go down on your wrath, neither give place to the devil." When we allow grievances to fester, they give the enemy footholds in our relationships. We rebuke the spirit of division that has crept into your family in the name of Jesus. We declare that every seed of discord sown by misunderstanding, pride, or resentment is uprooted now by the power of the Holy Spirit.

We also want to gently encourage you to examine your own heart in this situation. While it is natural to seek help from your husband, we must consider whether there may have been moments where your requests unintentionally burdened your son or his wife. Philippians 2:3-4 reminds us, "Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others." Have you sought to understand her perspective, even if it was not communicated in love? Have you extended grace, knowing that marriage requires two people to navigate new dynamics, including relationships with in-laws? We are not excusing her behavior, avoidance and gossip are not godly responses, but we must always be willing to ask the Lord to search our hearts and reveal any areas where we may have contributed to the conflict, even unknowingly.

Now, let us pray for restoration and wisdom:

Heavenly Father, we come before You with heavy hearts, lifting up this precious mother and grandmother who longs to be united with her sons and grandchildren. Lord, You see the pain of division in this family, and we ask that You would move in mighty ways to bring healing. We rebuke every spirit of strife, bitterness, and misunderstanding that has taken hold, and we declare that Your peace, which surpasses all understanding, will guard their hearts and minds in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:7).

Father, we pray for this daughter-in-law. Soften her heart, Lord, and help her to see the value of family unity. If there are wounds or insecurities driving her actions, we ask that You would heal them. Give her the humility to communicate openly and the grace to extend forgiveness where it is needed. Help her to understand that love covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8), and that avoiding conflict only deepens the divide.

For this mother, Lord, we ask that You would fill her with Your wisdom and discernment. Help her to know when to speak and when to remain silent, when to offer help and when to step back. Give her the strength to love her daughter-in-law unconditionally, even when it is not reciprocated, for love is the fulfillment of Your law (Romans 13:10). Remind her that her identity is found in You, not in the approval of others, and that You are her ever-present help in times of trouble (Psalm 46:1).

For her sons, we pray that You would open their eyes to the enemy’s schemes. Help them to see the importance of honoring their mother, as You command in Exodus 20:12, "Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which Yahweh your God gives you." Give them the courage to stand for truth and unity in their family, even when it is difficult. May they be peacemakers, as Jesus calls us to be in Matthew 5:9, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called children of God."

Lord, we also lift up the grandchildren in this situation. Protect their hearts from the tension and division they may be sensing. Let them grow up knowing the love of their grandmother and the importance of family bonds. May they see Christ’s love reflected in their parents and grandparents, drawing them closer to You.

We declare that this family will not remain divided. We speak restoration over every broken relationship, and we trust that You are working even now to bring reconciliation. Give this mother the grace to release her fears and frustrations into Your hands, knowing that You are able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that she could ask or think (Ephesians 3:20). Help her to walk in forgiveness, even if her daughter-in-law does not yet extend it in return, for Your Word tells us in Colossians 3:13, "Bear with one another, and forgive each other, if any man has a complaint against any; even as Christ forgave you, so you also do."

Father, we ask that You would guide this family’s steps moving forward. If staying in a hotel is what is needed for now to ease tension, we trust that You will use even this season for Your glory. But we also pray that walls would come down, that conversations would happen in love, and that Your healing power would flow through this family like a river. May they experience the joy of unity, the beauty of forgiveness, and the peace that only You can provide.

In the mighty name of Jesus, we pray. Amen.

We want to leave you with this encouragement from Romans 12:18, "If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men." This verse reminds us that while we cannot control how others respond, we are called to do our part to live at peace. Continue to pray for your daughter-in-law and sons, even when it feels one-sided. Trust that God is working behind the scenes, softening hearts and preparing the way for reconciliation. And remember, the Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). You are not alone in this. Keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith (Hebrews 12:2), and trust that He will lead you through this valley into a place of restoration.
 
We can hear how hurtful it must be to travel so far, wanting connection with your son and grandkids, only to feel pushed aside. That ache is real, and we don’t want to minimize it. Sometimes in families, distance and misunderstandings can build into walls that feel impossible to climb, especially when the people we love are caught in the middle.

While you can’t control how your daughter-in-law responds, you can guard your own heart. One thing that often helps is to separate forgiveness from the need for things to be made right. Forgiveness isn’t saying what she did was okay, and it doesn’t mean you have to pretend the hurt isn’t there. It’s simply a choice, sometimes a daily one, to release the bitterness and leave the outcome in God’s hands. Staying in a hotel sounds like a wise, gentle boundary. It can lower the temperature when you visit and give everyone room to breathe, which might actually protect the time you do get with your son and the grandkids.

A practical step that may help is, in a quiet moment this week, to write a short, honest prayer for her, even if it’s just, “Lord, help me let go of anger toward her, and work in her heart as You see fit.” You don’t have to feel warm or pretend everything’s fine. But choosing to release the debt can keep resentment from taking up space in your own soul.

We’ll pray with you now: Jesus, we lift up this hurting mom and grandma. You see her pain and the weariness that comes from being pushed away. Hold her close, and give her steady peace that doesn’t depend on the actions of others. Guard her heart from bitterness, and grant her wisdom in setting healthy boundaries that honor You. Work in her son and daughter-in-law, bringing about whatever truth and healing are needed. And when she visits, let love and joy break through, even in small moments. In Your name, amen.
 
May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.


🙏Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. Bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God solution focused heart, mind, spirit, and attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so
. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body

 
It is a bitter thing when a journey you undertake with love in your heart ends with you feeling like a stranger at the gate. You drive two whole days, your thoughts full of your son and your grandchildren, and instead of a welcome, you meet a turned shoulder and a chill in the air. That cuts deep. And it cuts all the deeper because the complaint laid against you, that you ask your husband for help too often, feels to you like a small thing, blown into a great storm. Now it seems the storm has swept your sons into a place where they cannot see you clearly, and your daughter-in-law avoids you altogether. No wonder your heart is heavy.

But let me remind you of something your heavy heart may be tempted to forget right now: the Son of God knows what it is to be received with coldness by those He came to bless. He came unto His own, and His own received Him not. He was despised and rejected of men, a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. This same Jesus sits at the right hand of the Father, and He is not unmoved by the ache in your heart tonight. He has been there. He knows the sharp sting of being pushed to the outside of a circle that ought to be home. And He has a way of drawing near when human affection grows distant.

I want you to think, for a moment, not about what you have lost in this quarrel, but about what you possess that can never be shaken. There is a family whose ties no misunderstanding can sever. The saints in heaven and the saints on earth are one household, one undivided family gathered under one Father. Your name was written in that register before the foundation of the world, and no daughter-in-law’s displeasure can scratch it out. The Lord does not overlook the obscure sorrows of His children. We look at Abraham and see a great star shining alone, but God never forgot Sarah at his side. He sees the lesser lights. He sees the quiet faithfulness of a mother who loves her sons. He bottles every tear you have shed in the silence of the journey home.

You have decided that in the future you will stay in a hotel when you go to visit. That seems a sad necessity, but do not let it fill you with bitterness. It may be, for a season, a wise and quiet refuge, a place where you can gather your heart before the Lord and ask Him to prepare the way before you. The prodigal’s father did not wait at the door with folded arms; he saw his son a great way off and ran to meet him with compassion. Your heavenly Father is not standing at a distance, waiting for you to get everything right before He comforts you. He sees you now, with your bruised affections and your disappointed hopes, and He runs toward you with tender mercy.

The enemy of your soul would love to take this wound and use it to isolate you, to whisper that you are unloved and unwanted, to pervert the truth until you begin to doubt your place in God’s affection. Do not listen to him. He is a liar and the father of lies. The Spirit who led you to the cross in the beginning is the same Spirit who leads you now, even when the way is dark and you cannot feel the hand that guides. You are not walking this lonely mile by your own strength. Every true step you take toward heaven, the Spirit grants. Every groan you breathe into the midnight, He translates into a prayer that reaches the throne.

This trouble did not take your Lord by surprise. He has permitted it, and He will sanctify it to your soul. Perhaps, in time, He will use even these present sorrows to work a quiet and gentle influence upon the very ones who now avoid you. We cannot see how, but we are not asked to see, only to trust. The covenant-keeping God who called Noah and all his house into the ark has not forgotten how to gather families. Leave your sons in His hands. Commit your daughter-in-law to Him in prayer, not with clenched fists but with open palms. He knows how to write His law of love upon hearts that seem hard right now.

For yourself, your business is to lie very low at the feet of Jesus. You do not need to defend your character or justify how often you sought your husband’s help. The Lord knows the truth, and He will vindicate you in His own time. Your part is to keep your eyes on Christ, to rest in the acceptance you have in the Beloved, and to walk in all the kindness you can muster, even when kindness is not returned. A love letter in a black-edged envelope is still a love letter. The mercy God sends you may arrive wrapped in trial, but the gift is real.

Let us pray.

Lord Jesus, You who were despised and rejected, draw near to Your daughter now. Comfort her in the place where she feels cast aside. Be her refuge when human love fails, and remind her heart that she is fully known and fully loved by You. Give her wisdom for the days ahead, patience to wait, and grace to forgive. And in Your own time, we ask You to bring healing to these broken family bonds, that what has been torn may be mended by Your gentle hand. For You are the God of reconciliation, and we trust this sad story into Your keeping. Amen.
 
We want to thank you for the trust you placed in us to lift your heartfelt request before the Lord. It was our honor to stand in agreement with you, praying for healing in your family relationships, wisdom in your interactions, and peace in your heart as you navigate this painful situation with your daughter-in-law and sons.

As the days have passed, we continue to hold this burden before God, asking Him to soften hearts, restore communication, and bring unity where there has been division. We prayed that your daughter-in-law would see the impact of her words and actions, that your sons would seek truth and reconciliation, and that you would feel the comfort of the Holy Spirit in every moment of loneliness or frustration. We also asked the Lord to guide your decision about future visits, that it would be a step toward peace rather than further separation.

If the Lord has moved in this situation—if there has been even a small shift toward understanding, forgiveness, or restored connection—we would love to hear your praise report so we can rejoice with you. If, however, the struggle remains and you still feel the weight of this trial, please share it with us again. We are here to continue standing with you in prayer, lifting your family to the Father who loves them even more than you do.

May God’s grace surround you, His wisdom guide you, and His peace guard your heart as you trust in Him. We pray all these things in the powerful and precious name of Jesus. Amen.
 

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