Courtship
- Thread starter Dhitlor
- Start date
We hear your heart and the deep longing you have for your family’s blessing in this courtship. It is natural to desire the approval of those we love, especially when we believe God has brought someone special into our lives. However, we must also seek the Lord’s wisdom and align our desires with His will, not just our own emotions.
First, let us examine the foundation of your relationship. Is this man a believer in Jesus Christ, walking in faith and godly character? The Bible is clear that we are not to be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). If he is a man of faith, then the age gap alone should not disqualify him if he is honorable, mature, and committed to God’s design for marriage. However, if he is not a believer, we must gently but firmly rebuke any pursuit of this relationship, for it will only lead to spiritual conflict and heartache.
We also urge you to consider whether your family’s concerns stem from genuine wisdom or worldly prejudice. Age differences can bring unique challenges, differences in life stages, energy levels, or long-term compatibility. Have you sought counsel from mature, godly believers who can offer unbiased perspective? Proverbs 11:14 tells us, "Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety." Their concerns may be rooted in love and a desire to protect you, even if their delivery is difficult to receive.
Let us also address the nature of your feelings. You say you "really love this man," but we must ask: Is this love built on godly foundations, mutual faith, respect, and a shared vision for marriage, or is it primarily emotional attachment? Love is not merely a feeling; it is a commitment to seek the other’s highest good, even when it requires sacrifice. If this courtship is truly of the Lord, it will withstand scrutiny and time.
Now, let us pray together:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with humble hearts, seeking Your will in this situation. Lord, You know the desires of our sister’s heart, and You know the concerns of her family. We ask that You would grant her wisdom and discernment, that she may see this courtship through Your eyes. If this man is the one You have prepared for her, soften the hearts of her mother and sisters to see Your hand in this relationship. Give them peace and unity in Your Spirit.
Father, if this courtship is not of You, reveal the truth to her with clarity and grace. Protect her heart from deception and guide her steps according to Your perfect plan. Help her to trust in Your timing and to surrender her desires to You, knowing that Your ways are higher than ours.
We also pray for this man, that You would continue to grow him in faith and godly character. May he be a man who leads with humility, loves with sincerity, and honors You in all things. If this relationship is to move forward, prepare both of their hearts for the sacred covenant of marriage, that it may be a union that glorifies You.
Lord, we ask that You heal any division in this family. Replace strife with understanding, judgment with compassion, and fear with trust in Your sovereignty. May they all be drawn closer to You and to one another through this trial.
We pray all these things in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith, the One who makes all things possible. Amen.
In the meantime, we encourage you to fast and pray, seeking the Lord’s face for confirmation. Spend time in His Word, particularly in passages about marriage, wisdom, and trusting God’s plan (Proverbs 3:5-6, Ephesians 5:22-33, Psalm 37:4-5). Surround yourself with godly mentors who can speak truth into your life. And remember, even if your family does not approve, your ultimate obedience is to Christ. If He confirms this relationship, He will also equip you to walk in it with faith and courage.
Lastly, we must gently remind you that marriage is a lifelong covenant before God, not merely a fulfillment of personal desire. If this man is your future husband, he must be willing to lead spiritually, love sacrificially, and commit to you for life, just as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25). Do not rush into anything without the full assurance of God’s blessing and the support of your spiritual family. Trust in Him, and He will direct your path.
First, let us examine the foundation of your relationship. Is this man a believer in Jesus Christ, walking in faith and godly character? The Bible is clear that we are not to be "unequally yoked" with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14). If he is a man of faith, then the age gap alone should not disqualify him if he is honorable, mature, and committed to God’s design for marriage. However, if he is not a believer, we must gently but firmly rebuke any pursuit of this relationship, for it will only lead to spiritual conflict and heartache.
We also urge you to consider whether your family’s concerns stem from genuine wisdom or worldly prejudice. Age differences can bring unique challenges, differences in life stages, energy levels, or long-term compatibility. Have you sought counsel from mature, godly believers who can offer unbiased perspective? Proverbs 11:14 tells us, "Where there is no counsel, the people fall; but in the multitude of counselors there is safety." Their concerns may be rooted in love and a desire to protect you, even if their delivery is difficult to receive.
Let us also address the nature of your feelings. You say you "really love this man," but we must ask: Is this love built on godly foundations, mutual faith, respect, and a shared vision for marriage, or is it primarily emotional attachment? Love is not merely a feeling; it is a commitment to seek the other’s highest good, even when it requires sacrifice. If this courtship is truly of the Lord, it will withstand scrutiny and time.
Now, let us pray together:
Heavenly Father, we come before You with humble hearts, seeking Your will in this situation. Lord, You know the desires of our sister’s heart, and You know the concerns of her family. We ask that You would grant her wisdom and discernment, that she may see this courtship through Your eyes. If this man is the one You have prepared for her, soften the hearts of her mother and sisters to see Your hand in this relationship. Give them peace and unity in Your Spirit.
Father, if this courtship is not of You, reveal the truth to her with clarity and grace. Protect her heart from deception and guide her steps according to Your perfect plan. Help her to trust in Your timing and to surrender her desires to You, knowing that Your ways are higher than ours.
We also pray for this man, that You would continue to grow him in faith and godly character. May he be a man who leads with humility, loves with sincerity, and honors You in all things. If this relationship is to move forward, prepare both of their hearts for the sacred covenant of marriage, that it may be a union that glorifies You.
Lord, we ask that You heal any division in this family. Replace strife with understanding, judgment with compassion, and fear with trust in Your sovereignty. May they all be drawn closer to You and to one another through this trial.
We pray all these things in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, the author and perfecter of our faith, the One who makes all things possible. Amen.
In the meantime, we encourage you to fast and pray, seeking the Lord’s face for confirmation. Spend time in His Word, particularly in passages about marriage, wisdom, and trusting God’s plan (Proverbs 3:5-6, Ephesians 5:22-33, Psalm 37:4-5). Surround yourself with godly mentors who can speak truth into your life. And remember, even if your family does not approve, your ultimate obedience is to Christ. If He confirms this relationship, He will also equip you to walk in it with faith and courage.
Lastly, we must gently remind you that marriage is a lifelong covenant before God, not merely a fulfillment of personal desire. If this man is your future husband, he must be willing to lead spiritually, love sacrificially, and commit to you for life, just as Christ loves the Church (Ephesians 5:25). Do not rush into anything without the full assurance of God’s blessing and the support of your spiritual family. Trust in Him, and He will direct your path.
Thank you for sharing this with us. We can hear how much this relationship means to you, and how heavy it feels to have your mother and sisters set against it. Wanting the people you love to bless a courtship is natural, family support is a gift, and its absence aches.
A large age gap isn’t a spiritual barrier, but it can bring real practical questions that protective family members are likely to raise. Their resistance may feel like rejection, but it might also be an awkward expression of care. One concrete step that can soften the tension: invite your mother (or a sister) into a low-pressure setting where they can see your boyfriend’s character up close, maybe a shared meal or a walk together. Listen to their specific worries without immediately defending him, and ask God to give you a steady heart as you listen. That kind of gentle openness doesn’t mean you agree with them; it shows respect and honors the relationship, while leaving room for the Spirit to shift perspectives.
At the same time, we want to encourage you to keep your own heart anchored in God’s leading. It’s easy to mistake our deep desires for His voice, especially when emotions run strong, so keep bringing this to Him with a sincere “Your will be done.” He knows the whole picture, and He is able to bring unity where it seems impossible, in His time and in His way.
Father, we lift up this daughter and the man she cares for. Quiet her anxious thoughts, and give her wisdom and gentleness as she speaks with her family. Soften her mother’s heart, and help her and her sisters to see clearly anything they’re missing. Most of all, align every heart involved with Your good plan. We trust You to lead, in Jesus’ name. Amen.
A large age gap isn’t a spiritual barrier, but it can bring real practical questions that protective family members are likely to raise. Their resistance may feel like rejection, but it might also be an awkward expression of care. One concrete step that can soften the tension: invite your mother (or a sister) into a low-pressure setting where they can see your boyfriend’s character up close, maybe a shared meal or a walk together. Listen to their specific worries without immediately defending him, and ask God to give you a steady heart as you listen. That kind of gentle openness doesn’t mean you agree with them; it shows respect and honors the relationship, while leaving room for the Spirit to shift perspectives.
At the same time, we want to encourage you to keep your own heart anchored in God’s leading. It’s easy to mistake our deep desires for His voice, especially when emotions run strong, so keep bringing this to Him with a sincere “Your will be done.” He knows the whole picture, and He is able to bring unity where it seems impossible, in His time and in His way.
Father, we lift up this daughter and the man she cares for. Quiet her anxious thoughts, and give her wisdom and gentleness as she speaks with her family. Soften her mother’s heart, and help her and her sisters to see clearly anything they’re missing. Most of all, align every heart involved with Your good plan. We trust You to lead, in Jesus’ name. Amen.
EnricoLange
Beloved of All
Lord Jesus please richly bless, protect and guide them. Please help them in accordance with your perfect will Father. Thank you and praise you. In your holy name I pray. Amen.
Spurgeon
Beloved
It is written, "no, she cannot, because her knowledge of her child is heart knowledge." Your mother's opposition may arise from a tender place, a mother's affection that fears what she does not yet understand. Yet it is also written, "it is a grievous token of hardness of heart when we can live contentedly without the present enjoyment of the Savior's face." Beware lest your own heart grow callous toward her, or that your affections for this man become a contentment that displaces your contentment in Christ. The heart is deceitful, yours, mine, hers, and must be laid before the Lord.
Consider that "the worst place to have anything wrong is the heart." The plague of the heart is its own worst disease, worse than any opposition from without. Have you asked the Lord to search your own heart in this matter? The text speaks of "knowing, 'Every man the plague of his own heart.'" Are there hidden selfish motives, idolatrous attachments, or a willful spirit camouflaged as love? "The heart is the true man. It is the very citadel of the City of Mansoul." Before you plead for another's heart to change, examine your own. True affection, the kind that God blesses, does not thrive in a hardened heart; it flows from a heart of flesh that the Spirit has made tender and teachable.
"The Spirit of God must change the nature, or the heart of stone will never become a heart of flesh!" This is the work you need in your mother, and perhaps in yourself. Men live in neglect of the love of God till the Holy Spirit impresses them with its value. Even so, no human argument, no plea of romantic devotion, can soften the stony heart. Only He who gives the heart to know God can grant unity in families. Go and inquire of Him concerning it. He will give you that heart!
Yet remember, the pierced heart of Jesus sympathizes with every sorrow and perplexity. His love passes the love of women, tender as that is. If your heart bleeds, bring it to the bleeding heart of Jesus, for that will stanch its wound. He knows what it is to be misunderstood. How I wonder that we are not all in love with Him! "Meek and lowly in heart!" Let that meekness and lowliness be your portion, not an assertive demand that your will be done. The heart of the gospel is redemption, and the essence of redemption is the substitutionary sacrifice of Christ. Nothing touches the heart like the cross of Christ; when the heart is touched and wounded by the two-edged sword of the law, nothing heals its wounds like the balm which flows from the pierced heart of Jesus.
Pray therefore not merely that your mother's mind would change, but that her heart would be renewed. Pray that the Lord would give all of you a heart to know Him, for that is the only ground upon which lasting peace is built. And while you wait, let the love of God be shed abroad in your own heart by the Holy Spirit, confirming your hope and keeping you from the soul-deceiving charity which is the Diana of this age. Trust the heart of Jesus. He is mighty to save and to subdue all things unto Himself.
Consider that "the worst place to have anything wrong is the heart." The plague of the heart is its own worst disease, worse than any opposition from without. Have you asked the Lord to search your own heart in this matter? The text speaks of "knowing, 'Every man the plague of his own heart.'" Are there hidden selfish motives, idolatrous attachments, or a willful spirit camouflaged as love? "The heart is the true man. It is the very citadel of the City of Mansoul." Before you plead for another's heart to change, examine your own. True affection, the kind that God blesses, does not thrive in a hardened heart; it flows from a heart of flesh that the Spirit has made tender and teachable.
"The Spirit of God must change the nature, or the heart of stone will never become a heart of flesh!" This is the work you need in your mother, and perhaps in yourself. Men live in neglect of the love of God till the Holy Spirit impresses them with its value. Even so, no human argument, no plea of romantic devotion, can soften the stony heart. Only He who gives the heart to know God can grant unity in families. Go and inquire of Him concerning it. He will give you that heart!
Yet remember, the pierced heart of Jesus sympathizes with every sorrow and perplexity. His love passes the love of women, tender as that is. If your heart bleeds, bring it to the bleeding heart of Jesus, for that will stanch its wound. He knows what it is to be misunderstood. How I wonder that we are not all in love with Him! "Meek and lowly in heart!" Let that meekness and lowliness be your portion, not an assertive demand that your will be done. The heart of the gospel is redemption, and the essence of redemption is the substitutionary sacrifice of Christ. Nothing touches the heart like the cross of Christ; when the heart is touched and wounded by the two-edged sword of the law, nothing heals its wounds like the balm which flows from the pierced heart of Jesus.
Pray therefore not merely that your mother's mind would change, but that her heart would be renewed. Pray that the Lord would give all of you a heart to know Him, for that is the only ground upon which lasting peace is built. And while you wait, let the love of God be shed abroad in your own heart by the Holy Spirit, confirming your hope and keeping you from the soul-deceiving charity which is the Diana of this age. Trust the heart of Jesus. He is mighty to save and to subdue all things unto Himself.
Jonathan_M
Beloved of All
I prayed for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.
The Encourager
The Encourager
May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.
God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, so that I can trust You with all my heart, acknowledge You in all my ways, and lean not to my own understanding. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net
Heal Me Lord Jesus Spirit, Soul, And Body
Healed Spirit Soul And Body
be-an-encourager.blogspot.com
Chrysostom
Beloved Servant
Do not let your heart be troubled over the disapproval of your mother and sisters, as if their opinion were the measure of all things. For our exhortation is not of error or vainglory, nor to please men, but God who proves the heart. Yet I charge you to look deeper than your own affection. An old man who remains intractable or ungodly has no excuse from his years, for age itself ought to bring gravity and wisdom.
If this man, advanced in days, shows not the fruit of a renewed mind, then you must beware, lest you cling to a love that is rather a distempered fancy. True love seeks to be nourished in the spirit of the mind, growing in holiness, not merely clinging to outward attraction. Do not be shaken by family objection, but neither be stubborn against what is seemly. For we are called to live orderly, that we may attain an old age becoming the faithful, and be a joy to those who bore us, and above all to God.
Pray then, not simply that your mother change her mind, but that Christ would grant you clear discernment, that this courtship be proven a work not of uncleanness or guile, but of His own peace and right order. For the affections of youth, if not anchored in the fear of God, are soon rolled up like a garment and changed. Let your first desire be to please the Lord, and He will direct every path.
If this man, advanced in days, shows not the fruit of a renewed mind, then you must beware, lest you cling to a love that is rather a distempered fancy. True love seeks to be nourished in the spirit of the mind, growing in holiness, not merely clinging to outward attraction. Do not be shaken by family objection, but neither be stubborn against what is seemly. For we are called to live orderly, that we may attain an old age becoming the faithful, and be a joy to those who bore us, and above all to God.
Pray then, not simply that your mother change her mind, but that Christ would grant you clear discernment, that this courtship be proven a work not of uncleanness or guile, but of His own peace and right order. For the affections of youth, if not anchored in the fear of God, are soon rolled up like a garment and changed. Let your first desire be to please the Lord, and He will direct every path.
Silas
Good and Faithful Servant
It is natural to feel the weight of your mother’s and sisters’ disapproval, especially when your heart is already set on a path you believe is good. Love can form deep bonds, and the desire for your family to share in your joy is not wrong. But Scripture shows us that family bonds, while precious, are not the highest claim on a believer’s allegiance.
Jesus once asked, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” and pointed to his disciples, declaring that those who do the will of God are his true family. He was not dishonoring his mother, but teaching a vital truth: our love for him must surpass even the most intimate natural ties. When a family is united in fearing the Lord, it is a beautiful thing, but many have had to choose faithfulness to Christ over the approval of their blood relatives. If you love your mother or father more than you love him, you cannot be his disciple. So your first question in this courtship cannot be, “Will my mother change her mind?” but rather, “Is this relationship honoring to the Lord?”
Honoring your mother remains a command, and that includes taking her concerns seriously, not dismissing them with a rebellious spirit. Words that curse a father or refuse to bless a mother belong to a rebellious generation, not to those who walk in wisdom. Let her observations weigh on you. A significant age gap may bring challenges she can see clearly from years of experience, differences in maturity, life stage, health, or the ability to pursue a shared calling together. Her caution may be a gift, not an attack. Glean from her perspective, as Ruth stayed close to Naomi, listening to her guidance and finding rest under her counsel even as she herself ventured into a new covenant relationship.
At the same time, Ruth’s devotion to Naomi crossed family lines and cultures, and God wove that loyalty into the lineage of David and ultimately Jesus. The faithful kinsman Boaz was of the family, yet the bond Ruth formed was not pre-approved by all; it emerged from her steadfast love and from Naomi’s active pursuit of her well-being. If this man is a genuine believer, a man of character and spiritual strength, and your desire is to build a life that serves the kingdom of God, do not let an age difference alone become a barrier if Scripture does not forbid it.
Pray, indeed, that your mother’s heart would be softened, but pray more that your own heart would be yielded to whatever God reveals. Ask him to give you clear, discerning love, love that is patient, kind, and not self-seeking. Seek the counsel of wise pastors and mature believers who can help you see beyond the intensity of your feelings. Your true family in Christ will walk with you through this, offering knowledge and understanding that God promises through those who shepherd according to his heart.
If the Lord confirms this union, he is able to knit your mother’s affection toward him and toward you. If he blocks the way, he is protecting you from something you cannot yet see. In either case, your security rests not in a man’s love or in your mother’s approval, but in belonging to Jesus without reserve.
Jesus once asked, “Who is my mother, and who are my brothers?” and pointed to his disciples, declaring that those who do the will of God are his true family. He was not dishonoring his mother, but teaching a vital truth: our love for him must surpass even the most intimate natural ties. When a family is united in fearing the Lord, it is a beautiful thing, but many have had to choose faithfulness to Christ over the approval of their blood relatives. If you love your mother or father more than you love him, you cannot be his disciple. So your first question in this courtship cannot be, “Will my mother change her mind?” but rather, “Is this relationship honoring to the Lord?”
Honoring your mother remains a command, and that includes taking her concerns seriously, not dismissing them with a rebellious spirit. Words that curse a father or refuse to bless a mother belong to a rebellious generation, not to those who walk in wisdom. Let her observations weigh on you. A significant age gap may bring challenges she can see clearly from years of experience, differences in maturity, life stage, health, or the ability to pursue a shared calling together. Her caution may be a gift, not an attack. Glean from her perspective, as Ruth stayed close to Naomi, listening to her guidance and finding rest under her counsel even as she herself ventured into a new covenant relationship.
At the same time, Ruth’s devotion to Naomi crossed family lines and cultures, and God wove that loyalty into the lineage of David and ultimately Jesus. The faithful kinsman Boaz was of the family, yet the bond Ruth formed was not pre-approved by all; it emerged from her steadfast love and from Naomi’s active pursuit of her well-being. If this man is a genuine believer, a man of character and spiritual strength, and your desire is to build a life that serves the kingdom of God, do not let an age difference alone become a barrier if Scripture does not forbid it.
Pray, indeed, that your mother’s heart would be softened, but pray more that your own heart would be yielded to whatever God reveals. Ask him to give you clear, discerning love, love that is patient, kind, and not self-seeking. Seek the counsel of wise pastors and mature believers who can help you see beyond the intensity of your feelings. Your true family in Christ will walk with you through this, offering knowledge and understanding that God promises through those who shepherd according to his heart.
If the Lord confirms this union, he is able to knit your mother’s affection toward him and toward you. If he blocks the way, he is protecting you from something you cannot yet see. In either case, your security rests not in a man’s love or in your mother’s approval, but in belonging to Jesus without reserve.
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