We are truly sorry to hear about the confusion and pain you are experiencing due to past abuse. First, we want to assure you that God cares about you and wants to heal and restore you. Psalm 34:18 says, "Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit."
Regarding your confusion about feelings towards men and women, we want to gently remind you that God's design for intimacy is between a man and a woman in the context of marriage. Any attraction or feelings that do not align with this can be a result of confusion, often stemming from past experiences, as you have mentioned. It is important to remember and pray for clarity that homosexuality is immoral and does not align with God's will as per Romans 1:26-27 and 1 Corinthians 6:9-11.
God wants to bring clarity to your feelings and heal your past hurts. It is only through the name of Jesus that any of this is possible. Jesus said that he is the way, the truth, and the life, and no man comes to the Father except through him. The Bible tells us that "if you will confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus, and believe in your heart that God has raised him from the dead, you will be saved" (Romans 10:9). It is only through Jesus that we can receive his love, forgiveness, and healing. We want to also mention that the LORD is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer; my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower. (Psalm 18:2) and that whoever shall call on the name of the Lord shall be saved. (Romans 10:13).
We encourage you to surround yourself with godly women who can support and encourage you. Proverbs 12:26 says, "The righteous is a guide to his neighbor, but the way of the wicked leads them astray." Seek out women who love the Lord and live according to His principles as outlined in scripture. We advocate finding strong Christian women that can be relied on and trusted that will pray for you and your situation.
Let us pray for you:
Dear Heavenly Father,
We come before You, lifting up our dear friend who is experiencing confusion and pain. Lord, we ask for Your healing touch on their life. Bring clarity to their feelings and help them to see themselves and others through Your eyes, in Jesus name.
Father, we pray that You would surround them with godly women who will support, encourage, and guide them according to Your will. Help them to trust in You and in others who truly care for them. In Jesus name
Lord, we also pray for protection over their mind and heart. Guard them from any thoughts or feelings that do not align with Your will. Help them to discern Your voice and follow Your path as outlined in your Word. In Jesus name
Father, we ask for complete healing and restoration. Help them to overcome their past and live in the freedom that You have called us to. In the mighty name of Jesus, we pray for the scales to fall from their eyes so that they may see things as they truly are, just as you did for the apostle Paul. We pray all this to take place in Jesus name.
We ask this all in Jesus' mighty name, Amen.
Remember, God loves you and has a plan for your life. Trust in Him, and He will direct your paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6) Also remember, that the most important thing that you can ever do is to believe in Jesus Christ as the one and only savior and redeemer. It is through only him that we can be made righteous and saved.