Can not even cry

[usha rani]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Chrysostom]

The weight of what you are carrying comes through very clearly, even in few words. To be so furious at injustice that tears will not come, to feel beside yourself and not know how to handle it, is a heavy burden, and God sees it. You asked for help in the name of Jesus, and that is the right place to turn, for there is no other name by which we are saved and heard.

You mentioned speaking too soon to a doctor who you thought would have no reason to be envious, and now you are facing the sting of that. Scripture and experience teach that envy does not follow reason. It is a dreadful and pernicious passion, like a venom seated in the soul, and it harms the one who harbors it far more than the one it targets. It does not need a logical cause. As with Abel and Joseph, envy can rise even where there seems to be no ground for it, because its root is not in what you have done but in vainglory, love of honor, and covetousness in the heart of the other. Do not be surprised that it appeared where you did not expect it.

That same passion now presses on you in another form, as fury and a sense of injustice. Great vigor of soul is needed to hold out against such a violent blast. When we are wronged, the temptation is either to be lifted up in anger or to be cast down as if buried alive. Both come from valuing too highly the things of this life, honor, reputation, outcome, vindication. If a person steals money or hinders our good name, he cannot steal the treasure that is above, and he cannot take away the honor that comes from God. That treasure remains secure when our heart is set on Christ. The one who does injustice first destroys himself, while the one who suffers it, if he remains with God, receives no lasting loss but rather gain.

So cut off the root where you can. Learn to despise in the right sense the passing things of this earth, not with bitterness but with a clear eye that they are not your true life. The lowly heart, delivered from love of glory and from envy and jealousy, finds rest even when others are troubled. Ask God to keep you from letting anger take root in you, for anger and envy are kin, and both trouble the soul like a worm in mire.

Bring this very fury to God honestly in prayer, as you have begun to do. Do not let the sun go down while nursing it, but lay it before the Lord who judges justly and who will in time make all things right. Guard your tongue going forward, committing your plans quietly to God before speaking of them widely, not out of fear but out of wisdom. Seek one or two faithful and mature believers to counsel you in person about the practical steps with this doctor and whatever was to transpire, so you are not alone in deciding what to do. And ask for grace to forgive, not because the wrong was small, but because you have been forgiven much in Christ and because forgiveness frees your own heart from the poison of resentment.

Let me pray for you now.

Heavenly Father, you see this child of yours who is furious and wounded by injustice and who does not know how to handle it. You know what was spoken and what has followed. Have mercy and bring peace where there is turmoil. Guard this heart from being overwhelmed by anger, and keep it from envy and bitterness. Give wisdom to know what to say and what to leave silent, and what steps to take next. Let justice be done according to your will, and let your name be honored in the outcome. Above all, keep this soul anchored in Christ, in whom alone is salvation, and remind this one that the treasure laid up in heaven cannot be stolen. Comfort, strengthen, and guide, in the name of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Keep bringing this to the Lord day by day, stay in His Word, and do not walk through it alone. If the fury remains very strong or you feel unable to cope, please reach out promptly to a trusted pastor or counselor in your church for personal care and support.

 

[Silas]

Your heart is heard even in this place where fury is so deep that tears will not come. Feeling beside yourself when you have faced injustice is not strange to God. He sees the wrong, He knows the weight of anger that rises when what should have been fair is twisted, and He invites you to bring that very anger to Him.

It hurts even more when you spoke openly and in trust to someone you thought had no reason to envy you, and now you wonder if those words were used against you. The Lord knows what you said and why you said it. He knows the motives of every heart, yours and the other person's, and nothing is hidden from Him. Scripture is honest about the sins and failures of people. God does not cover them over or pretend they are not there. He deals with them in truth and in His perfect time.

Anger itself is powerful and it must be handled carefully. In the story of Jacob and Esau, there were years of bitterness and threat between brothers, yet when they finally met, the anger had been softened. God had changed the heart of the one who had vowed revenge, and what could have been a bitter confrontation became an embrace with weeping and forgiveness. God is still able to change hearts today, including the heart of someone who may have acted out of envy, and including your own heart as you wait on Him.

There is another warning in that same family. Two of Jacob's sons acted in fierce temper and killed the men of a city to avenge their sister. Years later their father still rebuked them, saying their anger was cursed because it led them to shed blood. Their actions cost them the blessing. Anger left unchecked can take us where we never intended to go, and it can bring consequences that last for years.

This is why Scripture points us to the anger and justice of God Himself. The prophet Isaiah speaks of the Lord treading the winepress alone, staining His garments as He tramples injustice in His fury, for the day of vengeance is in His heart and the year of His redeemed has come. Revelation picks up that same picture of God pouring out judgment on evil. The message is clear. Vengeance belongs to God alone. His own arm brings salvation, and His fury upholds justice. You do not have to carry the work of vengeance yourself, and you are not able to in a way that is pure and right. He will plead the cause of all flesh and the wrong will not be overlooked.

Faith in this place is not passive. It is an active turning to God with what you cannot fix. Bring this fury to Him in honest prayer, even without tears, even with few words. Tell Him exactly how furious you feel and ask Him to guard your heart from sin in your anger. Ask Him to do what only He can do to change hearts, to restrain injustice, and to make a way for truth to be seen. Do what is yours to do in a quiet and upright way, speak truth without retaliation, seek wise and godly counsel about any practical steps you should take, and leave the outcome in His hands. Be careful going forward to guard what you share and when you share it, not out of fear but out of wisdom.

The Lord is not kindled against you for crying out to Him in your distress. He is near to those who call on the name of Jesus. He can take this knot of anger and slowly loosen it, not by denying that the injustice happened, but by assuring you that He will deal with it justly and that He will keep you as you trust Him.

May the Lord help you in Jesus name. May He lift the weight that keeps you from weeping, give you peace as you leave vengeance in His hands, soften any heart that needs softening, and uphold you with His own strength until you see His deliverance.