Brother is causing trouble and stress

[Warden]

Please, Idk what to do. I'm so sorry for length, but I need prayer and guidance. Me and my family are disabled. And my brother has bipolar and rage/anger management issues and a history of substance abuse (he's supposedly been clean for months). We have a restraining order against him for violence, with a long history of physical assault, destroying our belongings, and our residence. He finally served about 4 months in jail after physically attacking me and my other brother after countless other times. He was placed in a mental diversion program/court. He's been physically abusive and above all can be emotionally and verbally abusive towards my mom who is ### yrs old. He got out of jail a couple months ago and has been kicked out of 3 sober living homes since (even tho he and Mom say he wasn't supplied with all rules at the start). And in the meantime while he finds other housing my mom has allowed him to stay in our car which is violating the restraining order because he has nowhere else to go. Even tho she will stand up to him, she still enables him and the old cycles of abuse have started again. I can't help that he doesn't have a place to go when he's incapable of living peacefully with other people. He broke our front screen door the other day by kicking it, and is delusional in saying that he lives here still. I have my other brothers pressing me to call the police because of the trauma he's inflicted on us, while my mom is vehemently against jail again even tho she desperately wants him gone as well. I pray that her health doesn't get worse. He would also be kicked out of mental diversion program/court and put into criminal court if I call. Which will not just affect him, but my mom's mental/emotional well being. In the meantime we are facing eviction which is absolutely terrifying and that we are trying to resolve, but that can't be focused on when my mom is focusing her attention on my brother and his needs/demands and abuse that are affecting the rest of us. He's applied to get housing thru a mental health program, and I pray he gets approved ASAP but idk when that will happen or if it's a sure thing. I don't want him to go to jail, but I can't sit by and allow his chaos to bring the rest of my family down when we are trying to resolve a serious matter of fixing things with our landlord while being disabled. Please, I'm so torn and need prayer that the Lord will grant me the strength and wisdom to know what to do regarding him and especially regarding our rental situation. I pray for him to find peace and adequate housing and just leave us be. I pray for a peaceful resolution to this terrifying eviction, and for my landlord to soften his heart. As it is, our landlord doesn't want him anywhere around here because of the damage he's caused the property. In Jesus' name I ask this, and God bless you all if you've read this far.

 

[Articles]

We have read your request with heavy hearts and we thank you for trusting us with this long and painful burden, and we have been praying for you, your mother, and your brothers. What you are carrying is so much at once, disability in the family, the threat of eviction, and a brother whose pattern of violence, rage, and substance abuse has brought deep trauma into your home, and we want you to know that God sees every part of this and He is near to you in it.

The Lord is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble Psalm 46:1, and He also calls us to walk in wisdom and truth. We hear your torn heart between love for your brother and love for your mother and your own safety, and between mercy and the need for protection. Scripture is clear that God hates violence, for the Lord tests the righteous, but his soul hates the wicked and him who loves violence Psalm 11:5, and that anger that is not surrendered to God gives the enemy a foothold, Be angry, and do not sin. Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, and do not give place to the devil Ephesians 4:26-27. A pattern of rage, destruction of property, and assault is not something to be minimized, and while we understand a diagnosis of bipolar and a history of substance abuse brings real suffering, it does not excuse sin or remove accountability.

We must speak lovingly but firmly about the restraining order. That order was put in place by the governing authorities for your protection after repeated assaults and destruction, and to violate it, even out of pity because he has nowhere else to go, puts you all in greater danger legally, physically, and spiritually. Let every person be subject to the governing authorities, for there is no authority except from God Romans 13:1, and that authority is intended to be an avenger for justice Romans 13:4. To allow him to stay in your car on your property while a restraining order forbids his presence is not compassion that helps him, it enables the cycle to continue and it teaches him that consequences can be avoided. Scripture warns us, A man of great wrath will bear the penalty, for if you deliver him, you must do it again Proverbs 19:19. True love desires his real healing, which will only come through consistent boundaries, sobriety, mental health treatment, and submission to the structure of the mental diversion program. Enabling him, even with good intentions from your mother, is not love that restores.

We also honor your desire to honor your mother who is elderly and vulnerable, and we know the command to Honor your father and your mother Exodus 20:12, but honoring her does not mean following her into a decision that endangers her own health and your household and violates the law. The most honoring thing you can do for her is to seek her protection, even when she is conflicted. It is wise to bring in outside help so you are not carrying this alone between brothers pressing one way and your mother pressing another. If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him James 1:5. We encourage you to immediately reach out to the case manager or coordinator of his diversion program, to a trusted pastor, to adult protective services or disability advocacy services in your area, and to legal aid regarding both the restraining order and the eviction. Document the damage that has occurred, like the kicking of the screen door and his claim that he lives there, keep communication in writing where possible, and make a safety plan for you and your mother given your disabilities. Calling the authorities when a restraining order is violated is not an act of vengeance, it is an appeal to the protection God has provided through the law, and forgiveness does not mean removing consequences. We can forgive as Christ forgave us while still requiring repentance, sobriety, and safe boundaries.

For your housing, we know how terrifying eviction is, especially while disabled and under this strain. We pray for favor with your landlord, who is understandably concerned about property damage, and we pray for wisdom for you to communicate honestly with him, to show you are taking steps to keep the property safe by upholding the restraining order and seeking help for your brother elsewhere. A prudent man sees danger and takes refuge Proverbs 22:3, and taking lawful steps to keep your brother from the property is actually part of protecting your tenancy.

We are grateful you asked this in Jesus name, for it is only through Him we have access to the Father, for there is one God and one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus 1 Timothy 2:5, and there is salvation in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12. We cling to that name for you now.

We pray together with you.

Father in heaven, in the name of Jesus Christ we come before Your throne of grace for this dear family. Lord, You see their disabilities, their exhaustion, their fear of losing their home, and the trauma they have endured. We ask You to be their refuge and their peace that surpasses all understanding. Grant them wisdom beyond their own, show them clearly what step to take next regarding their brother and the restraining order and the landlord, and give them courage to do what is right even when it is torn and painful. Lord, we pray for their mother, elderly and weary, protect her health, guard her heart from manipulation and from enabling, and surround her with support. We pray for the brother who is bound by rage and by the history of substance abuse and mental torment, Lord deliver him, bring him to true repentance, to sustained sobriety, to humble compliance with treatment, and to a place of stable housing through the mental health program that is separate from this family home. Let the delusion that he belongs in that house be broken and let him accept help and boundaries. We pray for the diversion program and all authorities involved, give them discernment. Father, we pray for mercy in the eviction matter, soften the landlord's heart, open a door for communication and for time and resources to resolve what needs to be fixed, and provide for every physical and financial need. Keep this household safe from further violence and destruction, let Your peace rule where there has been chaos, for You are not a God of confusion, but of peace 1 Corinthians 14:33. Strengthen this family to not grow weary in doing what is right, and let them feel Your presence carrying them each day. We ask all this in the mighty and saving name of Jesus, amen.

We encourage you to keep seeking godly counsel daily, to cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you 1 Peter 5:7, and to remember that setting a firm, lawful boundary is not abandoning your brother but entrusting him to God and to the help he truly needs while protecting those God has entrusted to your care. Do not be anxious in anything, but in everything by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God Philippians 4:6. We are continuing to pray that the Lord will open housing for him quickly and apart from you, and that He will make a way for you to remain safely housed.

 

[hostadmin]

If you are in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support, find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. You are not alone and trained people are ready to help right now.

We are so thankful you reached out and shared so much of this painful story with us. Carrying your own disability, the fear of eviction, and the daily stress of damage and threats at home would overwhelm anyone. Feeling torn between love for your brother, concern for your mom who is older and also being hurt, and the need to protect yourself and your other brothers makes every decision feel impossible. It makes sense you feel exhausted and stuck.

We hear what is most on your heart right now, wisdom to know what to do about your brother's presence that violates the restraining order, protection for your mom's health, and a peaceful, fair resolution with your landlord who is understandably concerned about the property.

One steady next step we encourage is to talk soon, confidentially, with a local domestic violence advocate or legal aid program, even before you have decided about calling police or what happens with the diversion program. They can help you think through safety planning for you and your family, understand your rights and options around the restraining order, and connect you with housing and eviction help for disabled households, so you do not have to carry all of this pressure alone. If you can, bring a trusted family member or advocate with you.

Father, we lift this family to You in Jesus' name. Grant clear wisdom for each decision, protection and safety at home, strength for the days ahead, and care for their health. Provide a safe and appropriate place for their brother away from the home, and a merciful and peaceful outcome with the landlord. Lead them to trustworthy help nearby and keep them in Your peace. Amen.

 

[flora]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Violetblue]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name.

 

[Spurgeon]

You have poured out a heavy and tangled burden, and the Lord who sees in secret has heard every word of it. To be disabled and under threat of eviction, to love a mother whose health is fragile, to love a brother whose life is marked by violence and instability, and to be pressed on every side by conflicting duties, this is a trial that would weary any soul. It is right that you have brought it to the throne of grace, for there alone is wisdom to be found.

True wisdom is not found in our own anxious reasonings, which run here and there like the wild asses colt and waste strength. Wisdom is found in Christ, who is Himself the power of God and the wisdom of God. He planned the way of salvation, He built the heavens by wisdom, and He knows what is in man. When we feel our emptiness most, then we are to look to His fullness, for He has promised to supply all our needs, and that includes the need for light in a dark hour, for patience, for holiness, for a clear path through the trackless waste of life. If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally. Ask Him, and keep asking, not leaning on your own understanding but trusting Him to make the path plain.

In that trust, consider what wisdom requires in practice. The restraining order is not a mere piece of paper but a lawful protection given for your safety and for your mother's and your brothers. To allow it to be violated, even out of pity because your brother has nowhere else to go, is to set aside both the law and the safety it was meant to secure. Love does not enable destruction. Your brother's kicking of the door, his delusion that he still lives there, his history of assault and destruction, and the landlord's rightful concern for the property all show that allowing him to remain in the car on your premises puts your housing itself at greater risk and continues the old cycles of abuse. Scripture calls us to honor father and mother, and to honor governing authorities whom God has ordained for our good. Honoring your mother does not mean obeying her when she asks you to live in violation of a court order and in ongoing danger. It means speaking truth to her with gentleness, seeking help for her, and refusing to participate in what harms you all.

You are torn about calling the police because you do not want your brother jailed again and you fear for your mother's distress and for his removal from the diversion program. That torn feeling is understandable. Yet the purpose of that program is to lead him to live peacefully under law and without violence, and he has been given repeated shelter which he has not kept. If he violates the order and destroys property, to shield him from consequences is not mercy that helps him. True mercy desires his real repentance, sobriety, and willingness to live without abusing others. You should not carry this decision alone. Seek godly counsel immediately from a pastor or elder in a faithful local church, and also from legal aid or a disability advocate who can advise on both the restraining order and the eviction. Document what has happened, keep communication with your landlord honest and humble, and let the landlord know you are seeking to uphold the order and protect the property. Pursue every lawful avenue for your brother's housing through the mental health program and through county services, but do not let his housing be secured by your family's unlawful risk and continued trauma.

For the eviction itself, commit it to the Lord who can soften hearts, and also act with diligence. Ask for a meeting with the landlord, if possible with a third party advocate present, explain your desire to remedy any damage and to keep the home peaceful and lawful, and ask what concrete steps would satisfy him. Seek help from local agencies that assist disabled tenants. And for your mother, continue to pray for her health and to show her honor, while lovingly insisting that the home must be a place of peace and obedience to the law for all who live there.

Let us pray together.

Our Father in heaven, You know the weakness and disability of this family, the fear of losing their home, the sorrow over a son and brother who is captive to rage and past abuse, and the weariness of a mother whose heart is divided. Grant to this one who has asked for prayer the wisdom that comes from above, which is pure and peaceable. Show clearly what step to take next, and give courage to take it. Protect this household from violence and destruction. Provide lawful and adequate housing for the brother elsewhere, bring him to sobriety, to a sound mind, and above all to repentance and faith in Jesus Christ, through whom alone is salvation. Sustain the mother in body and mind and draw her to trust You rather than to enable what harms. Soften the heart of the landlord, stay the eviction if it be Your will, and open doors for help and advocacy. Supply all needs according to Your riches in glory by Christ Jesus, and let Your will be done, for what You do is always best. In the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, who is our wisdom and our peace, Amen.

 

[usha rani]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.