Hungry4love357
Servant of All
My grandparents paid for an all expense paid trip to Disney world, sea world, and bush gardens for my family and my uncles family. Altogether there were14 of U.S. and we pushed it to the limits, and as a result we had a meeting of the minds between parents, and it got ugly. I won't go into detail, but on Christmas Day of all days tempers were lost, and harsh words were exchanged, and I over reacted myself. We have since forgiven each other and apauligised and while I am at peace with it, I am stil haunted by the ugly affair that took place. I don't ever want to see that side of me again. I still feel there may be bad blood between my step-dad and my aunt, but that's between them and God. I have already forgiven them for their offense, and been forgive for mine. I ask God for forgiveness as well. Still a family feud was not the only thing that disturbed me this vacation. I still feel inferior to other guys and after my cousin said something to me I realized that my body is just not attractive to women. I'm not tan enough, not tall enough, and I'm not skinny enough to attract any women or my further bride. I just kept tHinking that if I had that tall beach body I could get a girl to like me. It was like all the couples were showing off too. It was like every time we got on a ride we got behind a couple that could not keep their hands off each other. I never wanted to go to Disney world to begin with. I hate it there. The rides are over rated and I felt alone even though I knew God was with me, and knew I had family. I only enjoy being around my cousin Nathan, because he and I get along much better than the others. That still was not enough to keep my mind on having fun. I was too tired, to shook up by the family disagreement, and too upset about passing another year of my life without a romantic relationship. Stress, anxiety, anger, and fatigue don't mix well together. I am also not a huge crowd person. I have borderline PTSD and being surrounded by thousands of people made me less than comfortable. I felt like a sardine. The happy couples flaunting there love, at us did not help, the family fight put me on edge for the rest of the trip, and all I wanted to do was go home and go to sleep. I never want to goon a vacation like that again. The holidays are stressful enough for me, but everything that happened this time made it much worse. I just want to forget about all of this. I pray that my family will come to peace, and that this 2016 will be the year I finally meet my future wife. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.
