asking for prayer but also some guidance.

[Anonymous]

Dealing with a some in-law issue and looking for prayer but also wisdom. I was friends with my brother-in-law's girlfriend, we would go out for coffee or brunch and have a nice time. Overtime I found out she was telling my BIL that I didn't like her and she would get upset over little things. Example being I was changing in a room and she knocked on the door. I said I was changing and less than a minute later I came out and greeted her. I didn't know who knocked on the door cause I didn't know she was even at our house. Everything seemed fine though. I explained again I was changing and the day continued as normal. Later on she accidentally butt-dialed me and I overheard her complaining about me to my BIL. She was saying I didn't like her and if it was a man in the family I would have opened the door. This came off manipulative to me and she was bashing my name. She was making a big deal out of a very small situation that I didn't even think there was a problem. She went on complaining about me for almost 5 minutes. I almost think this was Godly intervention and I was meant to hear this so I can see her character and realize she isn't someone I should be completely trusting. I chose to be naive though and situations like this kept happening. She would get upset over small things and paint me out like a villain. Like I was mean to her and my BIL would sometimes confront me so I could apologize. She wouldn't come directly to me. I lent her something once and after 6 months I asked for it back and this upset her. Again my BIL confronted me and said I was being mean for asking for it back. She later would refuse to show up to family events unless I specifically messaged her asking her to show up to the event. I did at first but again this started to seem manipulative. Like she was painting me out as a villain again that was preventing her from showing up. As if we had an issue when things seemed fine. I spoke with my husband on this and decided I will just distance myself from this woman. We aren't young anymore and this all felt a little middle-school. I decided to keep my distance and keep some peace. Unfortunately, this has backfired. My BIL called my husband asking if I have an issue with her because it seemed I was avoiding. He said yes I did and explained some scenarios I wasn't comfortable with to his BIL. His girlfriend then asked to have a private phone call with my husband about me so she could express her own feelings. My husband said no so instead she sent a message saying she felt hurt and thought we were friends and I wasn't a genuine person because I didn't tell her but she's sorry for whatever she did. This again seemed manipulative to me. Why a private call with my husband? And the message just came off more her trying to defend herself and again acting a victim then really understand anything. They are now all asking me to talk it out with her and I don't see much of a point. So here I am asking for some guidance. Advice. Maybe prayer for the wisdom to handle it with grace. None of these people are Christian themselves. Thank you to anyone who took the time reading. God bless you.

 

[Articles]

We hear your heart and the frustration you’ve carried in this situation. It is clear you have sought to extend kindness and friendship, only to be met with manipulation, misrepresentation, and a lack of direct communication. This is not how believers—or even those who claim to value relationships—should conduct themselves. Scripture tells us in Proverbs 18:17, *"He who pleads his cause first seems right; until another comes and questions him."* This woman has consistently gone to others rather than coming to you directly, which is a violation of biblical principles regarding conflict resolution. Jesus Himself instructs us in Matthew 18:15, *"If your brother sins against you, go, show him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained back your brother."* She has chosen the path of gossip and division, and that is not of God.

It is also concerning that she sought a private conversation with your husband about you. This is inappropriate and could be seen as an attempt to drive a wedge between you and your spouse. A godly woman would respect the marriage covenant and address concerns directly with the person involved, not behind their back. Proverbs 26:20 warns, *"For lack of wood a fire goes out. Without gossip, a quarrel dies down."* Her actions have only fueled strife, and you are wise to recognize the manipulation at play.

You mentioned that none of these individuals are Christians, and this is an important detail. While we are called to love our neighbors and even our enemies (Matthew 5:44), we are not called to subject ourselves to toxic or manipulative behavior. Romans 12:18 says, *"If it is possible, as much as it is up to you, be at peace with all men."* You have attempted to live at peace, but peace cannot be maintained when one party refuses to engage in good faith. Your decision to distance yourself was not only reasonable but necessary for your emotional and spiritual well-being.

We must also address the fact that your brother-in-law and his girlfriend are not married. Scripture is clear that marriage is the only context in which a romantic relationship should exist. Hebrews 13:4 states, *"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled; but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers."* While this may not be the central issue in your current struggle, it is worth noting that their relationship does not have the biblical foundation of commitment that marriage provides. This may contribute to the instability and lack of accountability you’ve observed.

Now, let us come before the Lord together in prayer:

Heavenly Father, we come before You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ, the Prince of Peace and the Author of all wisdom. We lift up this sister in Christ, who has sought to walk in integrity and kindness, only to be met with manipulation and strife. Lord, You see her heart, and You know the weariness she feels. We ask that You would grant her divine wisdom, as You promise in James 1:5, *"But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach; and it will be given to him."* Father, give her the words to speak and the discernment to know when to speak and when to remain silent.

We pray for protection over her marriage, Lord. Guard her heart and her husband’s heart from any division or strife that the enemy may seek to sow. Strengthen their unity and remind them that they are a team, standing together in love and truth. We rebuke the spirit of gossip and manipulation that has been at work in this situation. In the name of Jesus, we command it to flee and declare that no weapon formed against this family shall prosper (Isaiah 54:17).

Lord, we also pray for this woman and her relationship with Your truth. Soften her heart to recognize her own shortcomings and the ways she has contributed to this conflict. If it is Your will, draw her to Yourself so that she may know the love and grace that only come through a relationship with Jesus Christ. If not, we ask that You would remove her influence from this family in a way that brings peace and does not cause further harm.

Father, we trust You to work all things together for good for those who love You and are called according to Your purpose (Romans 8:28). Give this sister the strength to stand firm in her decision to distance herself if that is what brings peace. Help her to love these individuals as You love them, but also to set boundaries that honor You and protect her heart. May she find rest in Your presence and confidence in Your guidance.

We ask all these things in the precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.

In moving forward, we encourage you to continue seeking the Lord’s guidance through prayer and Scripture. You do not owe this woman an audience if she has proven herself untrustworthy and unwilling to engage in healthy communication. Proverbs 22:24-25 warns, *"Don’t befriend a hot-tempered man, and don’t associate with one who harbors anger: lest you learn his ways, and ensnare your soul."* While this situation is painful, you have already demonstrated wisdom by recognizing the toxicity and choosing to step back.

If your brother-in-law or others press you to "talk it out," you may gently but firmly respond that you have attempted to address concerns in the past, but the pattern of behavior has made it clear that further conversation would not be productive. You are not responsible for her emotions or her unwillingness to take ownership of her actions. Stand firm in the peace that God has called you to, and trust that He will honor your obedience.

Lastly, we want to remind you that your identity and worth are found in Christ alone. Do not allow the words or actions of others to define you. Psalm 139:14 declares, *"I will give thanks to you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. My soul knows that very well."* Walk in the confidence of who you are in Him, and let His love be the foundation that sustains you through this trial.

 

[hostadmin]

We hear your heart, dear friend, and we're here for you. It's tough when kindness is met with manipulation, but remember, God sees your heart and knows your intentions. You've been patient, understanding, and gracious, but it's okay to set boundaries when peace is at stake.

We're praying for wisdom for you, that you may know how to navigate this situation with grace and discernment. God promises in James 1:5, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." Trust that He will guide you.

We also pray for peace in your home. May your marriage be a fortress of love and unity, unshaken by external strife. We rebuke any spirit of manipulation or division in Jesus' name, and we claim His protection over your family (Isaiah 54:17).

Lastly, we pray for this woman's heart to be softened. We ask that God would draw her to Himself, revealing her own part in the conflict and leading her to repentance and restoration. If it's not His will to change her heart, we pray for her influence to be removed in a way that brings peace and healing.

In all this, remember, you are loved, valued, and cherished by God. Your worth is not defined by others' actions or words. Keep standing firm in the peace and confidence that comes from knowing Him.

 

[Antitypogeo]

Praying in Jesus Name. Amen.