Silas
Beloved of All
Thank you for honestly sharing what you are going through. To live for years with anxiety that kept you housebound, and then to step out after working only a short time in six years and take a new job five weeks ago, took real courage. It makes sense that now, when you are struggling to learn the work and overhearing coworkers talk about you, you would feel shame walking into that place and wonder if you can keep going, and wonder what God is doing.
The question you are asking, why would God give this job as a blessing and then allow you to be humiliated, is one many believers have asked in different forms. Where was God when this pain happened. Scripture does not promise that He will keep us from every hard situation. It is good and right to bring your questions to Him. There is a difference between questioning God and challenging Him. Questioning says, I know You are good, I do not understand why You are allowing this, please help me see. Challenging says, if You were good this would not happen, so You must not be good or fair. The first draws you toward Him, the second accuses Him. You can tell Him exactly how cast down and restless you feel inside, and ask Him to show you the way forward.
The psalms give language for this. One writer prayed, send out Your light and Your truth, let them lead me, because he wanted to do what was right and did not know which way to turn. Another said, I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and then asked his own soul, why are you cast down, why are you so disquieted within me, hope in God. That is the turn that helps when anxiety fills the mind. When we leave God out of the equation, everything feels impossible and shame grows. When we put Him back in and hope in Him, we begin to see a way through, not because the problems disappear, but because He is our joy and our help, not the job itself.
It is also common to feel as you described, that God has cast you off and put you to shame and is not going with you into the difficulty. Often underneath that feeling is the idea that if we serve God, He should then serve us by making things smooth. But God is complete and does not need anything from us. We need Him. Our emphasis is not on what we do for Him, but on what He has done for us in giving us salvation through Jesus Christ. A job is not a measure of whether He is for you. He can use both open doors and hard places to refine us. Scripture describes Him as a consuming fire, not to destroy His children, but to consume what is like dross and chaff, sin and what harms us, so that what remains is more holy and more like Christ. Hard correction or refining is not a sign that He does not love you. Whom the Lord loves He corrects, as a father corrects a son he receives. That discipline is a sign of belonging, not rejection.
The enemy also works in this vulnerable place by questioning God's word and character. Did God really say He would bless you, is God being unfair to you, has God forgotten you. Those suggestions try to get you to doubt that God is knowable and good. He has made Himself known through Jesus, and you can know Him and trust His character even when you cannot trace His purposes.
God sees you in this. He is described as the God of the poor and needy, the one who sets the lonely in families and brings good to those who feel isolated. He has loaded His people with benefits and He is the God of salvation to whom the issues of life and death belong. He has promised that those who trust Him and commit themselves to Him will not finally be put to shame, even when they bear reproach for a time.
It may help to pray in a simple way each morning before work, Lord, send Your light and truth to lead me today, be my exceeding joy, help me hope in You when my soul is cast down. Keep going to Him as your altar, your place of meeting, praising Him even in small ways. If possible, talk with a trusted pastor or biblical counselor and, because anxiety has been crippling for years, also seek wise medical and counseling help. At work, do what is in your power to learn the tasks, ask for clear feedback from a supervisor, and try not to let overheard comments define your worth. Your worth is not decided by coworkers but by God who loves you and gave Himself for you.
May the Lord help you to know His nearness right now, to lift the weight of shame, to quiet the anxiety as you hope in Him, and to lead you step by step with His light and truth. You are not forgotten. He invites a broken and contrite heart, and He will not turn away from those who come to Him through Christ.
The question you are asking, why would God give this job as a blessing and then allow you to be humiliated, is one many believers have asked in different forms. Where was God when this pain happened. Scripture does not promise that He will keep us from every hard situation. It is good and right to bring your questions to Him. There is a difference between questioning God and challenging Him. Questioning says, I know You are good, I do not understand why You are allowing this, please help me see. Challenging says, if You were good this would not happen, so You must not be good or fair. The first draws you toward Him, the second accuses Him. You can tell Him exactly how cast down and restless you feel inside, and ask Him to show you the way forward.
The psalms give language for this. One writer prayed, send out Your light and Your truth, let them lead me, because he wanted to do what was right and did not know which way to turn. Another said, I will go to the altar of God, to God my exceeding joy, and then asked his own soul, why are you cast down, why are you so disquieted within me, hope in God. That is the turn that helps when anxiety fills the mind. When we leave God out of the equation, everything feels impossible and shame grows. When we put Him back in and hope in Him, we begin to see a way through, not because the problems disappear, but because He is our joy and our help, not the job itself.
It is also common to feel as you described, that God has cast you off and put you to shame and is not going with you into the difficulty. Often underneath that feeling is the idea that if we serve God, He should then serve us by making things smooth. But God is complete and does not need anything from us. We need Him. Our emphasis is not on what we do for Him, but on what He has done for us in giving us salvation through Jesus Christ. A job is not a measure of whether He is for you. He can use both open doors and hard places to refine us. Scripture describes Him as a consuming fire, not to destroy His children, but to consume what is like dross and chaff, sin and what harms us, so that what remains is more holy and more like Christ. Hard correction or refining is not a sign that He does not love you. Whom the Lord loves He corrects, as a father corrects a son he receives. That discipline is a sign of belonging, not rejection.
The enemy also works in this vulnerable place by questioning God's word and character. Did God really say He would bless you, is God being unfair to you, has God forgotten you. Those suggestions try to get you to doubt that God is knowable and good. He has made Himself known through Jesus, and you can know Him and trust His character even when you cannot trace His purposes.
God sees you in this. He is described as the God of the poor and needy, the one who sets the lonely in families and brings good to those who feel isolated. He has loaded His people with benefits and He is the God of salvation to whom the issues of life and death belong. He has promised that those who trust Him and commit themselves to Him will not finally be put to shame, even when they bear reproach for a time.
It may help to pray in a simple way each morning before work, Lord, send Your light and truth to lead me today, be my exceeding joy, help me hope in You when my soul is cast down. Keep going to Him as your altar, your place of meeting, praising Him even in small ways. If possible, talk with a trusted pastor or biblical counselor and, because anxiety has been crippling for years, also seek wise medical and counseling help. At work, do what is in your power to learn the tasks, ask for clear feedback from a supervisor, and try not to let overheard comments define your worth. Your worth is not decided by coworkers but by God who loves you and gave Himself for you.
May the Lord help you to know His nearness right now, to lift the weight of shame, to quiet the anxiety as you hope in Him, and to lead you step by step with His light and truth. You are not forgotten. He invites a broken and contrite heart, and He will not turn away from those who come to Him through Christ.
