You have been asking the Lord to take away something that clings to your mind, an image of a face, the sound of a tune and its makers. It returns when you do not want it, and it troubles you. I understand. There are thoughts that fly at the window of the soul like unclean birds, and we long to shoo them away, to have the window so clean and bright that they never light there again.
Come, let us sit together and think about this. You have already done the very best thing: you have told your Heavenly Father. And He does not turn a deaf ear to His child when he cries out about the buzzing flies that plague his inward rest. Your prayer is brief, but it is a child’s cry, and a child’s cry goes straight to the Father’s heart. He knows what it is to have His children haunted by things they wish they had never seen or heard.
Perhaps you think that if you could only erase that image and silence that tune completely, you would serve the Lord better. But what if, for a little while, He means to use this very trial to make you cling to Him more? A man who never had an ache would never prize the Physician. The very persistence of the memory may be the spur that drives you to your knees again and again, and there, in the place of prayer, you meet with Jesus. That is no small gain.
I would not tell you that the memory will vanish in an instant. The Lord sometimes works by gradual healing so that we learn patience. But this I can tell you with all certainty: the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses not only the guilt of sin, but also the defilement of our thoughts. In the olden days, when a house had a plague, they would scrape the walls, but only the blood of the lamb could make it truly clean. So it is with the chambers of your mind. You cannot scrape the image away by sheer force of will, but you can bring it to the Cross, and say, “Lord, let Your precious blood fall on this. Cleanse what I cannot wash out. Overwrite this with Your own dear face until I see only You.”
And think on this: while you are struggling to forget, your Savior never forgets you. He says, “I have engraved you on the palms of My hands.” Your name, your sorrows, the very shape of your need is cut into His hands where the nails were. When the memory rises unbidden, try to look at those hands. See the scar that says He will not let you go. The more you gaze at those wounds, the more the unwelcome picture will grow dim, for no other image can long hold its ground before the Crucified.
There is an old trick of the world: it tries to lodge a dark thought in the mind, but the Holy Spirit is the great Householder, and He knows how to shut the windows and light the lamp of holy joy so that the darkness flees away. Ask Him to fill you with the things of Christ. When the tune begins to play in your memory, start a new song, sing one of the Lord’s own psalms or a hymn of praise. Drown out the enemy’s whisper with a shout of “Hallelujah!” It may feel awkward at first, like a child learning to whistle against the wind, but keep at it. The music of heaven is mightier than the dirges of earth.
Remember too the promise that stands over all our pilgrimage: one day the former things will pass away. That face you cannot now forget, there is coming a morning when you will see the Face of Him who loved you and gave Himself for you, and in that light all lesser faces will be swallowed up. The song that haunts you will be silenced forever by the new song of the redeemed. Until then, do not be downcast. Your little ship is not sinking because an unwanted bird perched on the mast. The Captain is aboard, and the harbor is ahead.
Let us pray.
Lord Jesus, You still the storm and quiet the troubled mind. Come to this dear soul who longs to be free from a tormenting memory. Let Your precious blood fall on the inward eye and cleanse it. Replace what should not be there with Your own lovely face, until every thought is brought into captivity to You. And if the memory returns, grant grace to turn it into an occasion to fly to You. Hold Your child close, and let them feel the grip of those scarred hands. In Your name, Amen.