Anixety Getting Worse

The anxiety for a future mate is getting worse. It's bothering me day and night, robbing me of sleep. I can't stop thinking about her, trying to find her. I tried reading my Bible and reassuring myself that God is in control, but I keep seeing girls and thinking, I'd like to be in a relationship with her, she's pretty, upbeat, and she's funny, and has a cute personality. Only to find out she's involved or not interested. I wish God would help me get through this season of my life. Christmas is a miserable time for me. I know we are celebrating the birth of our Lord and Savior, but I always feel left out around that time of year. Everyone else seems to be so happy, and most of my male cousins are now married or they are involved or engaged. Not me. I keep trying to tell myself, next year, I'll meet that special girl and feel like them, I won't be left out. It's embarrassing. My cousin ### always asks me if I found the lucky girl yet. He says lucky like I actually have something to offer besides my love and affection, which never seems to be enough anymore. It's all about money and property these days. What can I offer as far as shelter and wealth? That point in my life where I'll be completely financially independent seems so far away. There's still so much I have to work on. It's so much. How do other guys do it? What do they have to offer that I don't? Why does God choose not to give me a friend like that to get through life with? I figured he would at least give me a study partner, or a dance partner, or something that I've asked for. What's wrong with me? The anxiety is getting so strong I can barely handle it anymore. It hurts me physically and mentally. I look at myself in the mirror, and I try to smile, but what I see is creepy and repulsive. No wonder no one looks at me. My parents and friends reassure me that I'm handsome, but I just don't see it. Why would they lie to me? Why do I feel like this? I just want to find my Princess. Is that too much to ask? If it sounds like I'm bitter, it's because I am. I feel robbed. Why does everyone else seem to have it together? It makes me so mad, I can't do anything. I keep expecting everything to turn around. I keep thinking one day I'm gonna run into her unexpectedly and everything I ever said would turn around and fade into memory, all the pain I've gone through waiting for her would be in the past and gone. Yet, here I am still in the dark. I wish I could say, "I know everything's gonna turn out okay, and that she is everything I wanted and more," but, I would just be lying to myself. The honest truth is, I don't know what's going to happen, and I tried to keep my eyes on God but, I'm just not getting it. I want to say I am joyful, but I'm bitter. There's no doubt about that. I can't wrap my head around this. How do I stop expecting something that I want so bad. I'm trying, and praying but, I just don't feel Him. Where is he? Why can't I feel him? I confess my sins, I get down on my hands and knees and honestly pour out my heart and yet I just don't feel him. I feel no peace. Has anyone else felt like this? I keep asking God to take control of it, but I keep trying to take it back because I don't see any progress. What's wrong with me? Why does it feel like nothing's happening? Am I not praying right? Am I not using the right words? Am I not saying enough? Am I saying too much? What am I doing wrong? I confess my sins, and ask forgiveness for them, I do my best to repent, and it's like God's just given up on me. I know that's not the case but that's how I feel. I keep talking to God hoping he'll help. It just feels so hopeless right now. What good are my prayers doing? Right now it feels like they're being ignored. I wish I could put into words the absolute chaos going on inside me. It's indescribable. I feel so isolated. It hurts me.
 
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I have been feeling the same as you for a very long time. Some times I feel that GOD has forgotten about me. All my family members are involved or married and yet I have not been blessed with my HELP MATE.

(### yrs old) I meet someone and feel they are the 'one' but things end up falling apart. I placed so much trust in them that I forget to Trust GOD. Now I pray everyday that I should wait on the Lord to send Me My Husband. But how do You know the difference???? How would I know when 'IT IS REALLY FOR ME??' So right now I am just being still and continuing to Pray. Because I know GOD hears Me. I guess that is what Trust is all about. :)
 
I don't even know how to respond to that, and I'm not gonna pretend to know. Why does God do this to us? It's just too hard for people in our generation to find a help mate. God truly is our only hope. Why he does not answer us, is beyond me. It's not fair. Right now I just feel like throwing a temper tantrum, because I'm so frustrated. If he gives us the desires of our hearts why are we still single! I can't handle this.
 
For the past three years I had gotten the chance to be with my best friend of 13 years and it was the best thing that ever happened to me. But things changed and life got complicated and we drifted apart. I had a lot of family issues and started dealing with depression because I lost my ###, someone who was a best friend to me. And in this me and ### broke up January and got back together in April and then broke up again in August because I wasn't myself and who I wanted to be. It truly was devastating. and made my depression 10 times worse but I got a handle on what I could with it but only because I have God on my side. I know God answers prayers and saves because I wouldn't be here today if He didn't and half of my family wouldn't either. I know it's hard to understand but we are never alone. The quicker I understood that each day I found a little more peace. Talking to others about God and His miracles. Witnessing what He has done for me gives me strength. Finding yourself and what you love about you is the first step to letting God bless you with the person who is meant for you. Like I said we may never understand why we have to go through the things we do but we will and be stronger, better humans for it. I pray every day for God to speak to ###, who is the love of my life, to bring him home to me because deep down I know he is who God placed in my life for me but the devil came into our lives and destroyed me with depression and I fell never thinking I was ever getting up. But I did and I'm stronger than ever and you can be too. Tell the Devil he is a defeated foe for a child of God, Never doubt God even when everything seems hopeless. God will make a way when there seemeth to be none. Trust in Him always. I can't stress that enough. You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. I pray that God gives you the strength you need to stand strong and to be given peace. God's peace is like no other. You are the Great I Am Lord! Nothing is too big or too small for you. Have your will be done God. In your name I pray. Amen.
 
Thank you ### for your encouragement. I'm just in the wake of my depression, and I just don't see a way out. I can't feel God touch me anymore. I came so close to breaking down today, and it took everything I had not to throw a fit, like a little two year old. I pray that your love comes to you, whether it's the man you talked about or someone better God has planned for you, I pray God will bless you. I pray you stay strong. I sure wish I was as strong as you are right now. God bless you.
 
It took a long time to get this strong and even I have my days now where it is hard.. Depression is a disease and hard to get rid of and sometimes it's never gone we just learn to cope with it. Like I said it takes time and understanding, believe me when everything came crashing down I was wondering where God was. It's never his fault. The devil is always there trying to tell us we can't and we are nothing. God is always there but remember so is the devil. He doesn't want us to be happy and he wants us to say we are miserable and that we aren't worthy of anything. Because if we fall to that then he wins. We don't want that. The devil has no victory with the children of God.
 
Not a problem. If I can help or be a friend to people I want to be there. And be a light to show people God's love from my point of view. Feel free to always reach out to me if you need to talk! I repeat Psalm 3:3 every night before I fall asleep. Also Psalm 27:14.
 
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