R
Robert
Guest
I am still having an extremely hard time with life and people. Many just don't want to understand, care, or misunderstand. I suffer from Syncope, Tachycardia, Palpitations, Panic Attacks, High Blood Pressure. I keep losing my jobs due to my illness and episodes. I can't help if my nervous system messes with my breathing, blood pressure, thinking pattern, pains, and etc... I hate attention, and I am not lazy either. I would love to start working again without any more of these problems. I remember a time when I was really healthy and didn't have to take medicines, see doctors, nor worry on a daily basis about my life. I wasted four years of my life with my ex whom has been cheating, lying, using, and abusing me. She threw a pot of almost boiling water on me, stabbed me with a pen multiple times, made threats to me and my loving family. I only stayed with her because I don't have good self-esteem and no confidence at all. She spat in my face, grabbed me where it hurts, pulled my ears to the point the cartilage was ripping because I heard and felt it. Spoke evil against my Pastor, friends, and me. She threw my Bible on the ground, ripped my pages, despised that I slept with my Bible. She did this all willfully, knowingly, and prematurely with a knowing heart. It's been six months and she still haunts me. I am over her but I hate myself for living in sin, turning my back on my God (Jesus Christ of Nazareth) and my family for her. I refuse to hear that we all sin; I already know that, but I did it with full knowledge and I knew better and lived outside of wedlock anyway. Am I ever going to find that beautiful young woman that has no children to be my wifey and make me happy and bear me beautiful, loving, really smart children? I mean come on, nearly thirty years of age here and I'm not where I thought I would be in life.
