P
pivy
Guest
Hi there....
thanks again for all your prayers.
Have you ever felt like you are not worthy....i do....because i do "suck" big time. I mean that all the "shitty" things i have brought upon myself were done...hmm....by myself.
No other one responsible there. Its like i have the chance to do something....like pass a test or study or practice....and then i do not take the time and instead sit in fron of my pc
and play games. Thats were i start to ask myself why are you doing this? And i dont even have an answer...i just do it. A drink or two and then sitting there staring mindnumbedly at the glowing screen. To what end? I dont know...there is no purpose there. So what if i did something else instead? There are so many possibilities....all of them better than what i am doing up to this point.
My fear is that i dont know what to do with the time at my hands...that i will grow bored and restless and cant stand that...that there is a void unfilled and i have to fall back into old habits again.
I have dreams....and one of them is to finish my education and then ask my girlfriend to marry me and at our wedding play the guitar and sing "our song". But right now it feels to me that the odds of this happening is like me becoming the MVP of basketball....yeah...imagine someone 6-inch tall to slam-dunk for the match. I am no good at the guitar and the probability of me finishing my education is so slim...the fraction of a hairs-width.
So in my desperation i have turned to god again....whom i accepted as my saviour about 15 years ago but never lead a christian life afterwards. Anyway...so i wanted to contact god again and pray that he gives me another chance....that jesus died for me also...and stands by me in this world. I did and felt somehow that he answered. He offered help i would never have dreamt of. He gave people to me that are willing to help for nothing at all and do not judge...and i am not worthy of their help. But its up to me to accept this help and start changing my life. Thats the point at where i am right now and i dont feel like i even should have been given a chance to change it.
I have asked for your prayers already two times and somehow it feels to me like abusing you...but first of all it seems to me that it helped a lot and if i somehow pull through this i might be a benefit to others as well...and secondly i hope that you are "god-sent" also...that you care although you dont know me at all and forgive me for asking for prayers again. It still feels weird to me that there is someone out there caring for me...and i thank you for that even though i dont understand it and feel like i dont deserve it.
So i ask you that you pray for me to stop all this sh** stuff....that i accept the help and that god leads me on the right path and changes me into the person he wants me to be!!!
Thank you all in Jesus name!
P
thanks again for all your prayers.
Have you ever felt like you are not worthy....i do....because i do "suck" big time. I mean that all the "shitty" things i have brought upon myself were done...hmm....by myself.
No other one responsible there. Its like i have the chance to do something....like pass a test or study or practice....and then i do not take the time and instead sit in fron of my pc
and play games. Thats were i start to ask myself why are you doing this? And i dont even have an answer...i just do it. A drink or two and then sitting there staring mindnumbedly at the glowing screen. To what end? I dont know...there is no purpose there. So what if i did something else instead? There are so many possibilities....all of them better than what i am doing up to this point.
My fear is that i dont know what to do with the time at my hands...that i will grow bored and restless and cant stand that...that there is a void unfilled and i have to fall back into old habits again.
I have dreams....and one of them is to finish my education and then ask my girlfriend to marry me and at our wedding play the guitar and sing "our song". But right now it feels to me that the odds of this happening is like me becoming the MVP of basketball....yeah...imagine someone 6-inch tall to slam-dunk for the match. I am no good at the guitar and the probability of me finishing my education is so slim...the fraction of a hairs-width.
So in my desperation i have turned to god again....whom i accepted as my saviour about 15 years ago but never lead a christian life afterwards. Anyway...so i wanted to contact god again and pray that he gives me another chance....that jesus died for me also...and stands by me in this world. I did and felt somehow that he answered. He offered help i would never have dreamt of. He gave people to me that are willing to help for nothing at all and do not judge...and i am not worthy of their help. But its up to me to accept this help and start changing my life. Thats the point at where i am right now and i dont feel like i even should have been given a chance to change it.
I have asked for your prayers already two times and somehow it feels to me like abusing you...but first of all it seems to me that it helped a lot and if i somehow pull through this i might be a benefit to others as well...and secondly i hope that you are "god-sent" also...that you care although you dont know me at all and forgive me for asking for prayers again. It still feels weird to me that there is someone out there caring for me...and i thank you for that even though i dont understand it and feel like i dont deserve it.
So i ask you that you pray for me to stop all this sh** stuff....that i accept the help and that god leads me on the right path and changes me into the person he wants me to be!!!
Thank you all in Jesus name!
P
