Abusive situation at home

[Anonymous]

My mother has been abusing me for 6 years. Today I was asleep and she hit me and said “I hope you sleep and never wake up”. I feel like I’m living with a narcissistic psychopath. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong or how I’ve angered the Lord. I find myself daydreaming about marriage just to escape this situation. I entertain any man just to espouse this, even if he’s not the right one. 6 years. When will Christ deliver me? Is there a lesson I’m not seeing? I study hard, try to be disciplined and humble, confess my sins and don’t ask for much. I just want a peaceful life at home, or a husband I can move out with. Why is Jesus not granting me my wish? What purpose is there in subjecting me to this daily abuse and degradation and humiliation?

 

[Articles]

We hear your cry and we weep with you over what you have endured for these six years, and we bring your pain before the throne of grace together in Jesus' name. What your mother spoke over you and did to you while you were sleeping is evil and it is not from the Lord, and it is not because you have angered Him. We want you to know that you are deeply seen and valued by God, you are fearfully and wonderfully made in His image Psalm 139:14, and He is close to you in this brokenness. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit Psalm 34:18. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble Psalm 46:1. Your suffering is not a sign that you are unloved or forgotten, for even when your mother forsakes or harms you, the Lord will take you up Psalm 27:10.

Scripture is clear that parents are not to provoke or harm their children. Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but nurture them in the discipline and instruction of the Lord Ephesians 6:4, and Fathers, do not provoke your children, so that they won't be discouraged Colossians 3:21. To strike you and to speak death over you, saying she hopes you never wake up, violates God's heart for a parent's love and protection. Honoring your father and mother Ephesians 6:2 does not mean remaining without help or protection in an abusive home. The Lord does not will abuse, degradation and humiliation for you, and we urge you to seek safety and help without delay. We encourage you to reach out to a trusted pastor, a mature Christian woman, a safe family member, or a biblical counselor, and if you are in immediate danger or are a minor, to contact proper authorities who can protect you. God can use godly people around you as His hands of deliverance, and remaining isolated only keeps you more vulnerable.

We also hear your heart about marriage and we must gently correct you in love where you are tempted to stray from God's best. You shared that you daydream about marriage just to escape and that you entertain any man just to get out, even if he is not the right one. We understand the desperation to find a peaceful home, but we must rebuke the idea of using marriage or courtship as an escape route, and of entertaining any man out of desperation. Marriage is holy and is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman before God, not a shelter from abuse to be entered hastily. A boyfriend or girlfriend relationship should be considered courtship with the goal being marriage to another Christian believer who loves the Lord. We are told not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers 2 Corinthians 6:14, and to flee sexual immorality, for every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body 1 Corinthians 6:18. Sex before or outside marriage is fornication and will only bring deeper wounds and bind you to the wrong person. To marry just to escape often leads from one painful trap into another. Wait for the Lord, be strong, and let your heart take courage, wait for the Lord Psalm 27:14. A prudent wife is from the Lord Proverbs 19:14, and He wants to give you a godly husband in His perfect timing, not a man you settle for out of fear.

You asked when Christ will deliver you and if there is a lesson you are not seeing, and why Jesus is not granting your wish. We want to lovingly remind you that Jesus is not a wish granter but a loving Savior and Lord who hears and acts according to His perfect wisdom and timing. We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose Romans 8:28, but that does not mean He caused this abuse for a lesson. The abuse comes from sin and brokenness in this fallen world, not from God's hand of punishment upon you. Sometimes God allows seasons of suffering to refine our faith and to teach us to depend on Him, that the proof of your faith, which is more precious than gold that perishes even though it is tested by fire, may be found to result in praise, glory, and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ 1 Peter 1:7, and Count it all joy, my brothers, when you fall into various temptations, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance James 1:2-3. Yet He also promises deliverance and refuge, and He hears your cry. This is the confidence which we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will, he listens to us 1 John 5:14. Your desire for a peaceful life at home is good and holy, and your discipline, humility, and confession of sin honor Him, but deliverance is not earned by being good enough. It comes by His grace.

We praise God that you have called upon the name of Christ and Jesus, for there is no other name under heaven that is given among men, by which we must be saved Acts 4:12, and Jesus said I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me John 14:6. Continue to come to Him, for Come to me, all you who labor and are heavily burdened, and I will give you rest Matthew 11:28.

We pray together for you now.

Father in heaven, we lift this precious daughter to You in the name of Jesus Christ. Lord, You see the six years of abuse, the hitting, the cruel words spoken over her as she slept, the daily degradation and humiliation, and You hate this violence. We ask You to be her refuge and fortress, to cover her with Your wings and to command Your protection over her body and mind. Heal her broken heart and crushed spirit, and let her know she is not forgotten or punished, but dearly loved. Forgive us for the times we have thought You were angry with us when we suffer, and help her to know Your tender mercy. Lord, deliver her from this abusive situation in Your way and Your timing, and open a safe and peaceful place for her to live, whether that is through godly family, Your church, or other help You provide. Give wisdom to those around her to see and intervene with godly counsel and protection. Guard her heart regarding marriage. Keep her from entertaining men who are not godly believers and from entering courtship or marriage hastily out of desperation. Help her to wait for a godly husband who will love her as Christ loves the church, if it is Your will for her to marry, and to pursue purity and holiness. Give her strength to continue in discipline and humility, to keep studying and walking with You, and to trust that You are working even when she cannot see the purpose. Bring repentance to her mother and convict her of this sin, and bring peace where there has been terror. We ask that You grant her a peaceful life, hope for the future, and the assurance that For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future Jeremiah 29:11. Comfort her with Your presence, for You have said Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness Isaiah 41:10. In Jesus' name we pray, amen.

We encourage you to keep crying out to Jesus daily, to stay in His Word, and to not walk this road alone. Please reach out today to a safe, mature believer or pastor who can walk with you practically toward safety, and keep praying for the Lord to provide the peaceful home you long for. He has not abandoned you and He will not forsake you.

 

[hostadmin]

We are so glad you reached out and we want you to be safe. If you are in immediate danger, please contact your local emergency services right now. For free, confidential support from trained people, you can find a helpline in your country at findahelpline.com. You are not alone and help is available right now.

Thank you for telling us what you have carried for six years. Being hit while you were asleep and hearing those words is frightening and wrong, and living with daily humiliation and degradation is exhausting. It makes sense you are longing for peace and for a way out, and that the idea of marriage feels like an escape.

We hear your question about what you did wrong or how you angered the Lord. Please hear this gently, this abuse is not your fault and it is not God punishing you or withholding good because you missed a lesson. You have been trying so hard to live faithfully and humbly, and it is painful when home still does not feel safe.

Wanting a peaceful home is a good and right desire. We understand why you would consider any relationship that promises a way out, and we also want to protect you from more hurt while you are so vulnerable. You deserve safety and care, not just any exit.

It can help to have one safe person who knows what is happening and can walk with you on next steps. That could be a trusted pastor, counselor, or advocate, and the helpline above can also help you think through a safety plan confidentially alongside prayer.

Father, we bring our sister before You in Jesus name. Keep her safe tonight, surround her with trustworthy help, and remind her she is seen and deeply loved by You. Give her wisdom for each next step and lead her toward peace and healing. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

There is not a cry of yours that has escaped the notice of the Lord, though the enemy would whisper that God's ear is shut and He will never move His arm to deliver you. That whisper is a lie. The Lord hears the afflicted and He is a waiting God who waits that He may be gracious. When His clock of mercy strikes the appointed hour, deliverance comes, and it comes by free grace alone.

Do not think for a moment that six years of cruelty means you have angered the Lord beyond His love, or that your suffering is a sign He has cast you away. The believer may truly say, The Lord has chastened me sorely, but He has not given me over unto death. Not every affliction is a punishment for some hidden fault. In this fallen world the godly are often made memorable by special tribulation, and the Lord permits trial not to crush His children but to refine them. Your hard study, your discipline, your humble confession of sin are precious in His sight, yet deliverance is never earned by them. He brings forth His people because He loves them, and because a ransom has been found in the blood of His own Son. If you feel you are going down to the pit under this daily humiliation, hear this, God has found a ransom. Christ has borne the penalty for all your iniquities, and in Him you are not forgotten.

I must speak plainly and tenderly about the thoughts that have come to you in this long distress. To daydream of marriage as a door of escape, and to entertain any man even if he is not the right one, is a path that will not give you the peace you seek. Marriage is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, ordained by God for holiness and not for mere escape from trouble. To enter it hastily or unwisely, or to give your heart to one who is not walking with Christ, would be to exchange one sorrow for a deeper one. Guard your heart in this season. Do not give your affections cheaply to those who would not cherish you as Christ cherishes His church. Wait upon the Lord. They that wait upon Him are not waiting in despair, but in hope, in joyous and assured hope of blessedness in reserve. If the Lord wills to give you a husband, pray that He will give you a godly man in His own time, and that you may enter that covenant with purity and wisdom and the blessing of your spiritual family. Until then, let your deliverance be from the Lord Himself, not from the arm of a man.

What purpose can there be in such prolonged degradation. This I know, He does not delight in the cruelty you suffer. The hand that struck you and spoke that terrible wish over your sleep is not the hand of God. God hates oppression. Yet He is able to make even this dark valley to yield treasure. As Israel was brought forth out of bondage not empty but with silver and gold, so He enriches His people through trial with a deeper knowledge of His faithfulness, a tenderness toward other sufferers, and a song of deliverance that could never be learned on the smooth beach. If you had no troubles you would have less to declare of His works. When you are brought through, you shall live and declare what the Lord has done.

In the meantime, seek safety and help while you wait. The Lord often works deliverance through the hands of others. Do not bear this alone in secret. Open this wound to a faithful pastor, to a godly older woman in the church, to a trusted Christian counselor, and where you are in danger of being struck, to those who can protect you according to the laws of the land. If you are in immediate danger, seek a safe place and call for help at once. Your desire for a peaceful life at home is a right and good desire. Ask the Lord to be your shelter now, to restrain the hand of violence, and to open a way for you to live in safety, whether that be peace restored in your home or a safe and godly removal from it in His providence.

I will pray that the Lord will keep you from harm as you sleep and as you wake, that He will lift this heavy burden in His perfect timing, that He will keep your heart pure and patient and fixed upon Christ who is your true deliverer, and that He will turn your present sorrow into a testimony of His free grace. Tell it when deliverance comes, as Jacob could tell how he feared Esau and yet found a brother's embrace, that others in like trouble may be comforted. You shall not die but live, and declare the works of the Lord.

 

[Violetblue]

Praying for you and your situation in the name of Jesus.

 

[usha rani]

Praying in Jesus Name. Amen.