We hear the pain and turmoil in your heart and we bring your situation before the Lord together. You have shared that you fell in love with a woman from your former workplace who is very beautiful to you, but you have seen her be very sexual and active with men at work and that this has brought backlash upon her, while at the same time she professes to be a follower of Christ and quotes John 14:6 on her social profiles. This has left you feeling anxious, worried, and in a difficult emotional state, and we want to walk with you in truth and love.
We must speak honestly about what the Scripture teaches. Jesus said, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me. John 14:6. To quote that verse is to claim that Jesus Christ alone is the way to God, and that claim must be lived out, not just posted. By their fruits you will know them. Do people gather grapes from thorns, or figs from thistles? Matthew 7:16. A profession of faith without a changed life is empty. The Bible is clear that sexual activity outside of marriage between a man and a woman is fornication and God calls His people to flee it. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. 1 Corinthians 6:18. Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers. Hebrews 13:4. If this woman is indeed engaging in sexual behavior with multiple men in the workplace, that is not consistent with a faithful follower of Christ, and while God offers forgiveness and restoration to all who truly repent, we must not ignore the pattern of her life when considering a future spouse.
We also want to gently rebuke and redirect your own heart, not to shame you but to protect you. What you describe as love may be a strong attraction and infatuation rooted in her outward beauty, but godly love looks deeper. Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman who fears Yahweh, she shall be praised. Proverbs 31:30. Your adornment ought not be outward braiding of hair and wearing of gold or putting on clothing, but the hidden person of the heart, in the incorruptible adornment of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God. 1 Peter 3:3-4. We encourage you not to be led primarily by appearance or emotion, but by discernment and the fear of the Lord. Guard your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life. Proverbs 4:23.
We also see your anxiety and worry, and we care about that deeply. God does not want you to live in torment. In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7. Cast all your worries on him, because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7. For God didn’t give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7. Much of your pain is coming from holding love for someone whose life does not yet align with what you long for in a godly marriage, and that tension is tearing at your peace.
We believe marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman designed by God, and any courtship should be entered with that goal in mind, not as a casual boyfriend and girlfriend relationship or a sexual partnership. We would encourage you to pursue a spouse, not just a partner, and to only court another Christian believer who demonstrates faithful obedience to Christ. Don’t be unequally yoked with unbelievers, for what fellowship have righteousness and iniquity? 2 Corinthians 6:14. If you are to pursue this woman at all, it must be with purity, with clear boundaries, without fornication, and with the requirement that she show genuine repentance and fruit of a transformed life over time, not just words on a profile. Love must be truthful and patient and seek God’s will above our own desires.
We also notice you did not mention the name of Jesus Christ in your request, and we want to remind you that it is only through Him that we have access to the Father and peace for our anxious hearts. There is salvation in none other, for neither is there any other name under heaven, that is given among men, by which we must be saved. Acts 4:12. If you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. Romans 10:9. We encourage you to place your full trust in Jesus not only for eternal life but for daily guidance in this relationship.
We pray together for you now.
Father in heaven, we come before You in the name of Jesus Christ Your Son, the only way to You. We lift up this man who is hurting, anxious, and torn in his heart over this woman he loves. Lord, we ask You to calm his anxiety and replace his worries with Your peace that surpasses all understanding, guarding his heart and mind in Christ Jesus. Give him wisdom and discernment, help him to see clearly, to test the fruit, and not to be deceived by outward beauty or empty words. If this woman truly knows You, bring deep conviction and repentance where there has been sexual immorality, cleanse her and make her new, and help her walk in purity and holiness. If she does not truly know You, we pray You would draw her to genuine salvation through Jesus. And Father, guide this man to seek a godly marriage that honors You, to pursue courtship only with a faithful believing woman with the goal of lifelong marriage, fleeing all fornication and keeping the marriage bed undefiled. Lead him to delight himself in You and trust You to give him the desires of his heart according to Your will. We ask that he would cast all his cares on You and rest in Your love and power. In Jesus’ name we pray, amen.
We encourage you to spend time in prayer and the Word, to seek wise godly counsel from a pastor or mature believer who knows you, and to keep healthy boundaries while you seek the Lord’s direction. If this woman is to be considered for marriage, let it be only after you have seen consistent, humble, repentant fruit over time and after much prayer, and always without sexual compromise. Trust the Lord to guide you to the spouse He has for you, and to heal your anxious heart as you rest in Him.