I am extremely disappointed and unhappy that I woke up this morning after begging you daily (sometimes more often) for over a year now to end my life. I don't want to be here anymore. I'm not needed anymore; I'm extraneous. I'm a burden, a waste of time/space/resources, a piece of trash/garbage...
My life is over anyway so I might as well die. I don't want to live anymore, particularly in a country run by Christian nationalists. They'll be happy to see people like me gone as well - people who oppose their worldview.
I am beyond ready to go. Please take me. I'm begging. Please.
Everytime I’ve trusted God above my own judgement and morality, it has led me to dirty people, undignified behavior, disgusting experiences that lower my sense of worth. Why is that? Is this the common Christian experience? Is God trying to humble me before lifting me up? I’m so confused. Ever...