C
carolann319
Guest
My dear friends who were so kind to respond to my prayer request....I don't think you understand.....I would LOVE for GOD to choose my friends.....but that is the problem.....He is not choosing ANYONE. I feel like God wants me to be alone and lonely I have even wondered if maybe God just wants to push me right to the edge and kill myself... I lost so much..... my HOME!! all the money I put into that home fixing it up...my garden that I worked on and tended for 4 years! friends, security, and most of all a partner to do things with...to take care of and share my life with.....Everyone is basically telling me to fill myself with GOD and let God choose my friends....well God is not choosing my friends...and I have asked and begged and pleaded and cried and cried and cried....I have cried everyday for the last 6 months. He is not listening to my heart! He doesn't seem to care how broken I am.....and filling myself with God is all I do....but it doesn't bring me any closer to finding love again....or even a date! I am pretty and sweet and loving...I have to most giving heart...I am doing the work I believe God wants me to.... Putting God in your heart is a fine thing to do...and we all should...but as a human being, I also need another human being by my side....someone to share it all with.....and for some reason...GOD IS SAYING NO???? I don't deserve that??? But my cheating spouse gets to seamlessly move on as if I never existed.....Then I start thinking....maybe that is it.,,,,Maybe I am not suppose to exist anymore! I need a miracle here....I need someone in my life some who will love me and I will love them...why is that such an impossible thing?