Winning Without Words

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First of all, it is important to realize that you can do nothing by your own power and words. This is why we refer to standing as winning without words. You are not going to convince your spouse of anything with your words. In fact typically when we keep on speaking, we just push them further away. God only calls us out to affirm one thing with our spouses, and that is that we love them unconditionally, the past is the past and gone, today is a new day and the door and our arms are open to them at all times.

You have to let God be the one who reaches in and removes their heart of stone and replaces it with a heart of flesh. He uses our affirmations of unconditional love and openness to them to change their hearts, but when we add so many other things, the heart becomes cluttered, so we let it go beyond that affirmation of love and open arms. The time it takes to say all the rest is better spent on our knees saying it to God.

The very first key to remember is, you are not speaking to your spouse, you are speaking to Satan. When Satan has a hold on them, which he does when they are out of God's will and ways and on the path to separating from us and divorcing, then you are dealing with his planted thoughts inside of them, his hardening of their hearts, his words being planted in them to hurt you and tear you down, make you stumble. You have to stop seeing your spouse before you as a human being you are trying to reason with, because they are not. Your battle is not carnal, of the flesh, it is against powers and principalities, the rulers of the dark world. That is who you are trying to reason with in words and actions, and it does not work, they will only take it and use it against you.

Quit focusing on what comes out of their mouth in response, because all you are listening to is the enemy feeding them words, and his only intent is to mess you up and confuse you, so you will just stop fighting because you believe it is hopeless, getting you nowhere. You are just entertaining Satan, his lies, and sorry...God is in control of all, including him and his lies. It does not matter what he says back to you, God says differently and that is where your focus needs to remain.

So therefore your battle is won on your knees along with the simple affirmation that you love them and have open arms to them. You then step back and let God fight the powers of darkness, removing the layers of their control. When God finally gets so many layers off of your spouse, then she will be able to grasp a hold of the fact that you do love them and are right there waiting. This is a key in your battle, recognizing who you are dealing with, and it is not your spouse.

The next key is to understand that you cannot fight this in the physical realm with words and actions directed to your spouse, who is not there listening anyway. Love conquers all, and that is all you need to leave with her, just that affirmation, and fight the rest of it in the spiritual realm with God. This means you affirm and then take all the rest to God in private. Then you do not risk letting Satan in on your battle emotions he can play on, your battle strategies with God that he can twist and use and come against. Just stand strong on the rock in faith that God has complete control, He is your anchor, and He kicked this guys butt 2000 years ago, so it is a piece of cake to overthrow him now. Affirm your love, and get on your knees. My husband used to call and say this and that, and I remained quiet and my response to it all was, "I love you and I will never stop praying for you and for us. I am here for you always, you can come home whenever you want." End of story.

My husband himself affirmed how much difference that made on his side. When God starts breaking off the yokes and strongholds, the simple affirmation of love stands up in their minds. It may get lost among all the clutter that you sent out to them if you are going beyond that. So simple and strong is the key, and leaving it at that, so it will just be there to smack them in the face when the strongholds fall down around them.

God never fails us, we mess ourselves up and we tend to mess up what God is doing as well. Where our words can push them further away, God speaking into their hearts draws them in, so just let go and let God.

I have told this vision before, but it has been the best example I have heard of letting go. I friend of mine at church who battled for her marriage two years back, she said God showed her a vision one day of a pond, her husband was floating in the middle, just spinning around and around, because he had a rope tied to each arm. God stood on one side of the pond with one of the ropes in His hand that was tied to her husband, and she stood on the opposite side of the pond with the other rope in her hand. God called out to her across the pond and told her that she could stand there holding that rope as long as she wants and he will just lay there and spin around, but if she would just let go of the rope, drop it, then He would pull her husband on into the bank and pull him out.

We have got to learn to let go of the rope. It is like we think that if God has one rope and we have the other, our spouses will float, but if we let go of our rope they may sink, it may all sink and be gone. But if we let go of the rope, God has the strength and power to pull them into Him. We just need to drop the rope and sit quietly praying and watching while God pulls them in and out of the deep water Satan has them in trying to drown them. God has them floating on top of that water, not letting Satan suck them completely down, but until we let go they will just continue to float on the top spinning around and around. We have to get out of Gods way because we do not have the strength and power to pull them to the bank, we keep God from pulling them to the bank because we are on the other side holding onto the rope. Drop it and let Him pull from His side, He has the power to do it.

Just spend your days declaring Gods word over your spouse and marriage. It is truth and Satan cannot come against it. Spend your time with God, and let Satan entertain himself, do not give him the audience to argue about it, because it is all lies anyway.

( Click also on the following related topic: Verbally Confirm Your Love to Your Spouse During the Stand )

God bless you...
 
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My wife left me ... She just moved into an apartment ... I even helped move all our furniture in ... I am trying very hard to win her back but if something does not go her way she gets very angry at me and says it is my fault. I am wondering if I should keep trying or cut the ties from us? Last night her car had a flat and she wanted to use mine but I told her no;and that this is part of what she wants to be single and that it is not my responsibility anymore when she needs help. Is this the right thing to do or should I just keep helping her?
The following is my response to the question above that I received from someone:

I have learned in this ministry and the time I myself have been in battle, that a big key is to win without words. To just keep loving them no matter what and displaying that love, and biting your tongue, taking all complaints and aggravations to the prayer closet instead.

One of the main attacks of the enemy in this battle is to bring an outsider in, someone who is charming and will do anything they need, to pull the marriage further apart in division. If there is no other person in the picture right now, then you want to do all you can to keep it that way.

I have found that if you are not there for them, they will find someone else that is (Satan will help them out in doing so), and you do not want that, do not want to open that door of attack either.

I think the best thing to do anytime they ask for something or say something, is to think before responding about what would Jesus do, how would He respond to their request or to their comment.

Husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church, as if their own bodies, scriptural. We teach women standers to become the wife God says they are to be during their stand, as we both are being worked on for the better during this time, and the woman grows in this season to become the Proverbs 31 wife. I think that husbands need to take the stand time to also become what God says a husband should be.

So, as a husband, I would go with the scriptures based on that word of what a husband is in Gods eyes, and use them in how you decide to respond to her in anything, just because she is not in the home, she is still your wife, and God wants you to maintain that...that is main objective in standing, to hold on to the marriage, so you do not acknowledge the separation spiritually, but stand that the marriage is intact, restored and healed. To win this battle, you have to set your mind that your marriage is restored and healed, even if you do not see it yet, it is done, so you treat her and the marriage as if it is restored and well. If she was there with you what would you do for her, or give her. Do the same now, because you are not accepting the package Satan is handing you, which is that your marriage is in trouble and divided.

I know that I had to bite my lip over and over with my husband, because it was all take and no give. But I also know that if I do not give, the other woman gladly will, so for me to not do so only pushes him to her side further. When wayward spouses cannot get what they need, they wander off to find it elsewhere, and it is easy because Satan is always ever ready to supply someone to further enhance his mission of destruction on your marriage. So you may want to double check how you want to handle it, and eat some crow undeservingly just to maintain your battle ground and not open any doors to anything worse coming in.

Remember always that this is a spiritual battle, not a fleshly battle and you need to think in the spiritual sense. Do not give the enemy any ammunition ever. This is not a tough love thing, this is a captive spouse under the control of the enemy thing, and you are going into battle with God with the goal of pulling her out of the enemy’s hands and back to God and yourself.

God bless,

Kristie
 
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