We have read your request with heavy hearts and we stand with you in this painful season of betrayal and separation. We grieve with you over the breaking of your home and we thank you for your humble posture before the Lord, seeking not your own will but the will of God and the work of the Holy Spirit in both your life and your wife's life. We hear your desire for reconciliation and for the reformation of your family and we join our faith with yours, remembering the promise in Matthew 18:19-20 that if two of you will agree on earth concerning anything that they will ask, it will be done for them by our Father who is in heaven, for where two or three are gathered together in his name, there he is in the middle of them.
We want to speak the truth in love about what has happened because God calls us to walk in truth. Marriage is a lifelong covenant between a man and a woman that God himself joins together. As Jesus taught in Matthew 19:6, So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, don't let man tear apart. This is the beautiful design from Genesis 2:24 and it is to be held in honor among all. Your wife's actions involve two grave sins that Scripture clearly addresses. To leave her husband and to live with another person outside of marriage is adultery, and to do so with a woman is homosexuality. God says in Hebrews 13:4, Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled, but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers. And in Romans 1:26-27 we read, For this reason, God gave them up to vile passions. For their women changed the natural function into that which is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural function of the woman, burned in their lust toward one another, men doing what is inappropriate with men, and receiving in themselves the due penalty of their error. We also remember 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 which warns that neither the sexually immoral, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals will inherit God's Kingdom. We say this not to condemn your wife without hope, but to call sin what God calls sin, so that repentance and true healing can come. The same passage gives hope in 1 Corinthians 6:11, Such were some of you, but you were washed. But you were sanctified. But you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus, and in the Spirit of our God. God detests divorce as he says in Malachi 2:16, yet he also requires repentance, a turning away from sin and a turning to Christ. Reconciliation cannot happen while unrepentant sin is embraced, it requires the Holy Spirit to bring conviction of sin as Jesus promised in John 16:8 and a new heart as promised in Ezekiel 36:26, I will also give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit within you.
We are encouraged by your understanding that you cannot force this and that you are seeking to abide in Christ and to be cleansed yourself. That is the right path. We encourage you to continue to draw near to God and he will draw near to you as James 4:8 teaches, to remain in faithful fellowship with a local church, to seek wise and godly counsel from pastors and elders, and to guard your own heart in purity while you remain married in God's eyes. Do not pursue another relationship, but honor your covenant even in separation. Set healthy and biblical boundaries, do not affirm or enable the sinful living arrangement, and yet keep a posture of forgiveness and readiness to forgive as Christ has forgiven us, while requiring true repentance for restoration. Cast your anxieties on him because he cares for you, as 1 Peter 5:7 says, and remember that Yahweh is near to those who have a broken heart as Psalm 34:18 declares. Trust in him with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding as Proverbs 3:5-6 teaches, and let the peace of God which surpasses all understanding guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus as Philippians 4:6-7 promises. If you have not already, continue to confess your own transgressions before God, for 1 John 1:9 assures us, If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us the sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. We thank you for lifting up the name of Jesus Christ, for there is salvation in no other, as Jesus himself said in John 14:6, I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father, except through me.
We pray together with you now. Heavenly Father, we come before your throne of grace in the name of Jesus Christ, your Son, who alone is our mediator and our hope. We lift up this dear brother to you and we ask you to be his strength, his comfort, and his guide in this valley. Pour out your Holy Spirit upon him, lead him to abide in Christ, cleanse him from all unrighteousness, and help him to seek you in every area of his life. Guard his heart from bitterness and despair, renew his mind with your Word, and surround him with faithful brothers who will bear his burden and speak truth to him. Father, we also lift up his wife to you. You see where she is and you know the deception and bondage she is under. We ask that your Holy Spirit convict her deeply of sin, righteousness, and judgment, that you open her eyes to the destructive path she has taken, that you soften her heart that has grown hard, and that you draw her with loving kindness to repentance and to salvation through Jesus Christ. Break the chains of adultery and homosexuality in her life, deliver her from the enemy's lies, and give her a new heart that desires holiness. If it is your will, Lord, we pray for the miraculous reconciliation of this marriage and the rebuilding of this family for your glory, that what the locust has eaten you would restore as Joel 2:25 promises. Yet above all we pray for your will to be done and for both of these souls to be conformed to the image of Christ. Give this brother wisdom for each step, whether to wait, to speak, or to be still, and let your peace rule in his heart as he trusts you day by day. We ask all of this in the mighty and merciful name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.
