We hear the deep pain and anger in your words, and we understand how these feelings can cloud your view of God’s love and character. Your struggle is real, and it’s okay to wrestle with these questions—but let us gently and truthfully address what you’ve shared, because the stakes are eternal, and God’s Word holds the answers you’re searching for.
First, let’s clarify who God is and what He has done, because your description of Him doesn’t align with Scripture. You’ve framed God as an absent, uncaring Father who suddenly appears to demand worship or threaten hell. But the Bible reveals something entirely different: God is not a distant tyrant but a loving Father who has been actively pursuing you since before you were born. He didn’t "leave you alone" for 20 or 30 years—He sustained your every breath, protected you from dangers you never saw, and provided for you even when you didn’t acknowledge Him. As Jesus said, *"Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Not one of them falls on the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Therefore don’t be afraid. You are of more value than many sparrows"* (Matthew 10:29-31, WEB). Your life, your struggles, and even your rebellion have never been outside His care.
You asked, *"Is that good news?"* The answer is yes—because the alternative is far worse. Without God, we are all *"dead through our trespasses and sins,"* following *"the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit who now works in the children of disobedience"* (Ephesians 2:1-2, WEB). The "good news" (the *Gospel*) is that God didn’t wait for you to clean yourself up before He acted. While you were still in rebellion, *"God commends his own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us"* (Romans 5:8, WEB). He didn’t say, *"Fix yourself, then come to Me."* He said, *"Come to Me as you are, and I will transform you."* That’s not the behavior of an "evil king"—it’s the heart of a Savior.
You mentioned your sin—pornography, anger, hatred—and questioned how God could love you despite these things. But here’s the truth: *God doesn’t love you because you’re perfect; He loves you because He is perfect.* His love isn’t based on your performance but on His character. *"God is love"* (1 John 4:8, WEB), and His love is demonstrated in this: *"He who didn’t spare his own Son, but delivered him up for us all, how would he not also with him freely give us all things?"* (Romans 8:32, WEB). Jesus didn’t die to condemn you; He died to *free* you from the condemnation you were already under. Your sin isn’t a surprise to God—it’s why He sent Jesus. *"The Son of Man came to seek and to save the lost"* (Luke 19:10, WEB).
You also asked, *"How can I trust Him?"* Trust isn’t built on feelings but on evidence. Consider this: God didn’t just *say* He loves you; He *proved* it by sending His Son to take the punishment you deserved. *"For God so loved the world, that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish, but have eternal life"* (John 3:16, WEB). That’s not the action of a distant, uncaring father—that’s the ultimate sacrifice. And He didn’t do it begrudgingly; He did it *willingly*, knowing you would struggle to believe Him. *"But God, being rich in mercy, for his great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead through our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ"* (Ephesians 2:4-5, WEB).
Now, let’s address the hardness in your heart. Your anger and unbelief don’t change God’s truth—they only harm *you*. *"Take heed, brothers, lest perhaps there be in any one of you an evil heart of unbelief, in falling away from the living God"* (Hebrews 3:12, WEB). Unbelief is dangerous because it keeps you from the very One who can heal your brokenness. You’re right to question, but don’t let your questions become excuses to reject the only One who can save you. *"Examine yourselves, whether you are in the faith. Test your own selves"* (2 Corinthians 13:5, WEB). If you’re honest, you’ll see that your resistance isn’t about lack of evidence—it’s about *not wanting to submit*. That’s the core of sin: *"The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly corrupt: who can know it?"* (Jeremiah 17:9, WEB).
You also mentioned hell, and it’s clear you see it as a threat rather than a warning. But hell isn’t God’s arbitrary punishment—it’s the natural consequence of rejecting Him. *"Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life, but whoever disobeys the Son won’t see life, but the wrath of God remains on him"* (John 3:36, WEB). God doesn’t send people to hell because He’s cruel; He sends them because they *chose* to reject His rescue. Imagine a lifeguard diving into stormy waters to save a drowning man, only for the man to push him away, saying, *"I don’t trust you!"* The lifeguard isn’t to blame when the man drowns—his unbelief is. In the same way, hell is the result of *our* choice, not God’s malice.
Lastly, you asked about the timing—why God seems "silent" for so long. But His silence doesn’t mean absence. *"The Lord is not slow concerning his promise, as some count slowness; but he is patient with us, not wishing that anyone should perish, but that all should come to repentance"* (2 Peter 3:9, WEB). His patience is an expression of His mercy, giving you time to turn to Him. And when you do, you’ll see that He was never far off. *"In him we live, and move, and have our being"* (Acts 17:28, WEB). Every breath you’ve taken was a gift from Him. Every moment of protection, every opportunity to hear His truth—these were acts of love, even when you didn’t recognize them.
So how *do* you trust Him? Start by admitting your unbelief and asking Him to help you. *"Lord, I believe. Help my unbelief!"* (Mark 9:24, WEB). Repent of your sin—not because you’re forced to, but because you see that His way is better. *"Or do you despise the riches of his goodness, forbearance, and patience, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?"* (Romans 2:4, WEB). Surrender your anger, your lust, your hatred to Him, and let Him replace them with His peace. *"Don’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God"* (Romans 12:2, WEB).
Let us pray for you now:
Heavenly Father, we lift up this broken, angry, and hurting soul to You. Lord, You see the pain behind these words—the feelings of abandonment, the struggle to trust, the weight of sin. We ask that You break through the hardness of heart and open eyes to see the truth: that You have *never* left or forsaken them. You have been patient, merciful, and longsuffering, waiting for them to turn to You. Father, soften this heart. Replace anger with Your peace, unbelief with faith, and rebellion with surrender. Let them see that Your love is not a threat but the greatest gift ever given—that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Lord, convict them of their sin, not to shame them, but to lead them to repentance. Show them that Your commands are for their good, that Your ways are higher than theirs, and that true freedom is found in submitting to You. Break the chains of pornography, hatred, and bitterness that have held them captive. Fill them with Your Holy Spirit, that they may walk in newness of life.
Father, we rebuke the lies of the enemy that have twisted their view of You. Satan wants them to see You as cruel, distant, and untrustworthy, but we declare that You are *good*, *faithful*, and *near*. Remove the scales from their eyes, Lord, and let them see Jesus—not as a condemning judge, but as the Savior who bore their sins on the cross.
We pray they would cry out to You today, not in defiance, but in surrender. May they say, *"Lord, I have fought against You long enough. I lay down my anger, my sin, my unbelief. I trust You. Save me."* And when they do, fill them with the assurance that they are *yours*—adopted, loved, and sealed by Your Spirit.
We ask all this in the mighty and precious name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, who alone can save. Amen.
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One last thing: you mentioned that God’s message feels like *"trust me or you go to hell."* But that’s not the full picture. The full message is: *"Trust Me, and I will give you *life*—abundant life now and eternal life with Me forever. I took the hell you deserved so you wouldn’t have to. Come to Me, and I will give you rest."* (Matthew 11:28, WEB). The choice is yours. Will you keep resisting, or will you surrender to the One who loves you more than you can imagine? *"Today, if you will hear his voice, don’t harden your hearts"* (Hebrews 3:15, WEB). He’s waiting.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
