WHAT WOULD BE DIFFERENT?
Am I now trying to win the approval of men, or of God? Or am I trying to please men? If I were still trying to please men, I would not be a servant of Christ. Galatians 1:10
There are a host of benefits to the one-flesh relationship that God creates between a husband and wife through marriage. There are even greater benefits of that relationship to a couple who are in ministry together. If you have been communicating with Rejoice Marriage Ministries for any length of time, the odds are that Charlyne and I can put our heads together and recall things about you and your marriage without benefit of the computer.
Nevertheless, we still have in our database the names of tens of thousands of families who have contacted us at one time or another. Beyond that, there are hundreds or even thousands of people who read Charlyne Cares each day who have never contacted us, and we know nothing about them.
With this number of people, from time to time we will receive an, I can’t do this any longer, message. The good news is that this does not mean the end to an individual’s stand with God for marriage restoration. Many of these people are having a tough day, and before long we receive a second message explaining how they are once again standing strong.
Most standers have, at one time or another, given thought to giving up. That seems to be an idea that Satan runs through the head of every person who has ever contemplated marriage restoration. Charlyne admits she had those days when we were divorced and she was standing.
May I ask you a question? If you totally forgot about standing for your marriage today, what would be different about tomorrow? Would your circumstances really change because you gave up hope? I trust that you would still pray, fast, read your Bible and have time with the Lord just as you are doing today.
The apostle Paul, writing in Galatians Chapter 1, almost seems to be writing to a discouraged stander, the person who heard from God about their marriage but are now contemplating "getting on with life" and going a different direction:
I am astonished that you are so quickly deserting the one who called you by the grace of Christ and are turning to a different gospel— which is really no gospel at all. Evidently some people are throwing you into confusion and are trying to pervert the gospel of Christ. But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let him be eternally condemned! As we have already said, so now I say again: If anybody is preaching to you a gospel other than what you accepted, let him be eternally condemned! Galatians 1:6-9
Sadly, all too often "getting on with life" could be translated "I have met someone and have allowed the enemy to take over my thoughts about a possible relationship with that person." Anyone who has heard or read very much from my wife knows in their heart of hearts about the covenant of marriage and that when you are married, a relationship with another person of the opposite sex will more often than not end in sin.
Apart from feeling free (not being free) to pursue or to be pursued by the opposite sex, not much would be different if you gave up your stand right now. Are you giving up your Christian faith? Are you giving up all hope that God can work miracles? If so, who will be there for you to call on when a bad diagnosis comes from the physician to you or a loved one? If your finances are a disaster today, they will probably still be a disaster tomorrow, but you will not have God’s provision to meet your needs.
If you are a stander with disobedient children, does giving up on your stand when things are tough mean that at some point you could also give up on your children when their disobedience becomes too much to handle? If you are caring for elderly parents are you going to give up on them when the going gets rough? How will you ever maintain and be successful at a job if you are quitting one of the most important assignments God has ever given you?
Please understand, I am not saying that an individual giving up their stand will automatically lose their salvation. I am saying firmly that if God has called you to stand and you make a decision not to stand, you are being disobedient to our Lord God Almighty, and that is a serious matter.
Some might say, "I am not sure God ever called me to do this." Right there could be the problem. Before a crisis of belief hits, we each must lock in on our calling from God to do His will.
"The Spirit of the LORD will come upon you in power, and you will prophesy with them; and you will be changed into a different person. Once these signs are fulfilled, do whatever your hand finds to do, for God is with you." 1 Samuel 10:6-7
God calls specific people to specific assignments for specific purposes. Every person who has ever been called by God had a free will. Any could have thought, "What would be different?" and walked away from their assignment, often with disastrous results. What if Noah had quit, or if Daniel in the lion’s den had said, "Why pray? What would be different?"
The Bible gives us examples of people who did say "What would be different?" and doubted God’s power. Moses comes to mind, who did not see the Promised Land because of his unbelief. (Are you going to eventually see the promised land of your marriage or are you going to doubt God’s power and fail?)
The Christian faith we enjoy today has been built upon thousands of years of God’s people being obedient to His leading and refusing to ask, "What would be different?" but instead, going ahead and following God by faith. Your family members and future generations are going to be living on the firm foundation of marriage restoration that you are building today.
Everything that would be different if you gave up on the assignment God has called you to would be negative. We also need to look at one more aspect of "What would be different?"
What would be different for your prodigal spouse if you give up your stand? Many years ago my wife prayed me out of a sinful single lifestyle, keeping me out of Hell. Beyond that she prayed me through an illness when I was not expected to survive. Beyond that she prayed me through a second illness two years later so serious that I had a minister in my hospital room offering his larger church for a funeral service. Beyond that she prayed me through a serious cardiac crisis when the doctors did not know how I survived.
Our immediate family, now numbering 15, have been through more crises than can be listed, ranging from health to vocational to financial. Charlyne has been the primary prayer contact for each emergency, because our children, their spouses and now our grandchildren know that my wife is a person of prayer, who never turns away when a situation looks bleak.
How did Charlyne develop a reputation as a person of prayer? It did not come from sending out daily devotionals, nor by writing books. Neither did it come from her Bible study messages. It started with her stand for marriage restoration and continued as our kids and grandkids saw God answering her prayers.
I am alive today and serving God because I have a wife who even though she asked "What would be different?" during her stand, weighed the alternatives and continued to stand strong, despite all the temptations and despite all the obstacles. For the sake of your prodigal, I am praying that you will continue to stand strong.
"What would be different?" Our Lord God is growing you as a Christian each and every day that you stand and pray and wait. Standing is simply discipleship in the Christian faith. Each day that you wait for your marriage to be restored, you need to be growing a bit more like Jesus. People who are growing are excited and not about to walk away from what God has called them to do. May that describe you.
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view of things. And if on some point you think differently, that too God will make clear to you. Only let us live up to what we have already attained. Philippians 3:14-16
Because He lives,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
