Your tears behind a locked door have not been shed unseen, and your question about purpose has not gone unheard before the Lord. To feel dependent when you long to be independent, to hear words of disappointment from the very lips that should speak love, and to cry out for Jesus to reveal a calling and to feel that heaven is silent, this is a heavy laden state indeed. Hear then what the Lord would say to such a burdened soul.
In every event of Providence God has a purpose. He is in one mind, and who can turn Him. What His soul desireth, that He doeth. This is not a cold doctrine but a warm comfort. None of these things cometh by chance, none happeneth out of order, but everything cometh according to the purpose of His own will. Your dropping out of studies, your struggle with mental health, your dependence upon your parents, your inability to do what others seem to do with ease, even the bitter words that wounded you and drove you to weep alone, all are known to Him who is carrying out still His one great purpose. That purpose is not changed, and it is sure to be effected, yet it is a wonderful thing how God effects His purpose while still the creature is free. We have to labor too. He does not call you to sit idle while you wait for a voice from heaven, but to walk with Him step by step as His pupil.
You ask for your calling, and you once wanted something grandiose, and now you would be content with something to make you more independent and functional. Let me turn your eyes from a grand career to a grand Christ. The first and highest calling is not to a task but to a Person. It is an holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given us in Christ Jesus before the world began. It is a high calling and a heavenly calling, a call from heaven and a call to heaven, a call that lifts the heart to holiness and to eternity. Effectual calling is a very gracious truth. Zaccheus was the last man we should have supposed to be saved, yet Jesus looked up and called him by name, and said, Make haste and come down. So He knows your name. He calls His own sheep by name and they know His voice. If you have a desire to come, if you are forcing your way through the ashes to get to Christ, then it is because Christ is calling you. Your calling is first to come unto Him.
And to you who labor and are heavy laden, Jesus Himself gives the invitation, Come unto Me, and I will give you rest. There is nothing written in God's blessed Book that can render it unlawful for you to come to Him, for He who knows the Father's eternal purpose still bids you come. Today, if you will hear His voice, harden not your heart. Now is the accepted time. Come just as you are, with your weakness, your dependence, your tears, and find in Him both pardon and healing, for healing and forgiveness are placed in happy conjunction. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations, and the least thing about Christ is healing. The torn leaves of that sacred volume have brought healing to many souls, for they led them to repose on the mercy of God which is sufficient for the chief of sinners. The very leaves are healing, and they change the life blood and make the nature other than it was before. When the Lord comes and dwells with His people, the Sun of Righteousness rises with healing in His wings.
Do not think that because your mother calls you a disappointment, you are so before God. We were all once not God's people, contrary to Him in thought and way, yet the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses from all sin, and God has justified His own. Your worth is not measured by your mother's complaints, nor by your ability to drive or to live alone, but by the price paid for you at Calvary. Honor your parents as the Lord commands, but seek your approval first from Him who will never cast out His pupil. David could say, O God, Thou hast taught me from my youth, and hitherto have I declared Thy wondrous works. He was chastened, but he was never cast out, he still continued as God's pupil. God has been teaching you, even in these years that feel wasted. He puts object lessons before His scholars, and you have been learning your own weakness that you may learn His strength.
Why has Jesus not granted this one wish as you desired and when you desired. God's promise may tarry, but it never fails. Has God forgotten to be gracious. No. His purpose is unchanged, but His time is not our time. He desires your holiness and your wholeness more than your immediate independence, and He will do what His soul desireth in the way that most displays His wisdom and love. This waiting is not rejection. It is schooling. And while you wait, you are to labor too, in the strength He supplies. The desire to be more independent and functional is a good and sober desire, and God honors faithful labor in little things. Press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Be faithful in the small duties of today, in seeking help for your health, in speaking honestly with godly counsel and with your parents where possible, in prayer, in the Word, in simple tasks set before you. God often builds independence not in one grandiose leap but in quiet, daily steps taken with Him.
May the Lord lift up your heart by His heavenly calling, set you upon heavenly things, and give you rest even as you wait for clearer guidance. May He heal you, forgive you, and teach you, and make you to declare His wondrous works in due season.
I pray for you now, that the Lord Jesus would draw near to you in that bathroom where you wept, and in the home where you feel dependent, that He would speak plainly to your heart as one who calls His sheep by name, that He would give you rest for your soul, healing for your mind, and grace to take the next faithful step. May He show you that your chief purpose is to know Him and be known by Him, and from that holy calling may all other duties find their proper place, according to His unchanging and infallible purpose. Amen.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do. 
