What Changed?
This is what the LORD Almighty, the God of Israel, says: Reform your ways and your actions, and I will let you live in this place. Do not trust in deceptive words and say, "This is the temple of the LORD, the temple of the LORD, the temple of the LORD!" If you really change your ways and your actions and deal with each other justly, if you do not oppress the alien, the fatherless or the widow and do not shed innocent blood in this place, and if you do not follow other gods to your own harm, then I will let you live in this place, in the land I gave your forefathers for ever and ever. But look, you are trusting in deceptive words that are worthless. Jeremiah 7:3-8
A stander emailed us over the weekend and asked, "Bob, what changes in Charlyne really made you take another look?" This is addressed in several of our books, but let’s look at the question today, with an added application for you about change.
While Charlyne had made physical changes, such as losing enough weight to be able to fit into her wedding gown from 20 years before, and striving to be the perfect mother, the changes that drew me home, and which will draw your prodigal spouse home, were changes of the heart.
Charlyne and I receive, read, and often discuss email every day. From the tone of many, the prodigal spouse is probably right; "Nothing’s changed." Thankfully, there are exceptions, but our average email is often loaded with circumstances, complaints, and often criticism of a prodigal mate often living with the other person. Most are signed, "Please pray for me." Between airing of the "Three C’s," and requesting prayer, most writers forget to tell us what they are doing in their own spiritual lives. Are they praying? Reading their Bible? Fasting? Involved in a church? Is God speaking to them and showing them signs? What scriptures has He given to them?
When I was a prodigal, there were major changes needed in my life, but apart from work in the prayer closet on my behalf, there was nothing Charlyne could do. She could not change me, and any attempt to stick me on someone’s mailing list would have driven the wedge between us even deeper. My wife had to change her own life, and then leave my changes up to God. She needed to be confident that He would do what He had promised and had shown her He would do, but in His time, not according to Charlyne’s schedule.
"Why should I change?" someone wants to know. "My spouse is the one with the problems." Your making changes, with God’s help, is the first step toward marriage restoration. Let’s look at three reasons why you need to change:
YOUR SAVIOR EXPECTS CHANGE - During marriage problems, no one stays the same spiritually. Each spouse will either draw closer to Jesus, or drift further from Him. To have God receive the credit for restoring your marriage and family, you have no option but to draw closer to Him. Everything that is happening to you now has been filtered through the Mighty Hand of our Lord. It is all for a purpose. Will you allow that purpose to be activated in your life?
Many of the people who find Rejoice Marriage Ministries during their marriage crisis initially do not have a sustaining, personal relationship with our Lord Jesus. You need this relationship to not only survive this crisis, but to do so in victory. If you are unsure of your relationship with Christ Jesus, please take the first step toward restoration, both for you personally, and for your marriage. We have some easy-to-understand information that will help you.
YOUR SITUATION EXPECTS CHANGE - To survive these hard days, as well as leaning fully on Jesus, you will need to make changes related to your situation. When I left home, I left the bills behind. What money Charlyne had in her Pension Plan at work, she took out to be able to start paying all the bills. She wrote to each creditor to work out a payment schedule. She did not ignore the obligations or go running to a bankruptcy attorney.
My wife was also careful to never be in a situation with another man that I might read something into. Satan attempted to trip her up, causing innocent intentions to look like something else, but God brought the truth out every time.
More than anything else, her situation caused Charlyne to become a woman of the Word. Today she has two favorite Bibles, One, now recovered, is marked and dated with scriptures God gave her while standing, over 20 years ago.
YOUR SPOUSE EXPECTS CHANGE - Two decades ago, If Charlyne had asked me, "What could I change to make you happy at home," I would have commented about her job taking too much time, and mumbled about our sex life, and a messy home. There would have been a comment about child discipline, and some other sheer nonsense. Charlyne’s making changes would have been like arranging deck chairs on the Titanic. Our marriage was sinking, regardless of what changes I wanted made.
My wife wisely asked God, and not me, what He wanted her to change, and she began, with His help, and without my knowledge, to make those changes. The things He wanted changed were matters of the heart. Charlyne will need to tell you more, but as she allowed God to change her heart, somehow the physical changes that I wanted came into being.
One day I realized that I had a different wife. Right then, I could not have told you what was different, except that I could no longer push her buttons. She forgave me for things that previously would have caused her to flip out. She was always agreeable to my requests, and more than anything else, I saw a peace in her life that I was seeking but did not have.
So, in response to the recent email, "What changes in Charlyne really made you take another look?" I could say, in summary, they were the changes in her heart.
Someone is saying, "My prodigal and I never see each other, so my changes would make no difference." You are incorrect. Given enough space, Charlyne and I could give you hundreds of examples of how God worked across the miles to get the message to prodigals that they have changed spouses praying for their return.
It is never necessary for you to send an email to your absent spouse about how much you have changed. When God’s time is right, He will show your prodigal, often in the most unusual way, that something is different at home. What is that? A stander’s heart has come to first love Jesus Christ, and then to love, with unconditional and forgiving love, the prodigal who wronged them.
“You were wearied by all your ways, but you would not say, 'It is hopeless.' You found renewal of your strength, and so you did not faint.†Isaiah 57:10
Learning to listen to God,
Bob Steinkamp
Rejoice Marriage Ministries, Inc.
