Chrysostom
Beloved of All
The very sight of your son in those brief moments should stir up a holy sorrow in you, but let it not sour into bitterness. You speak of her sins, and you are right to name them: the suggestive profiles, the meetings with men, the withholding of the child from his father. These are not small matters. They are the works of one who is treasuring up wrath against the day of wrath, if she does not turn. Yet you must not imagine that her heart is beyond the reach of Him who called a dead womb to life and raised up one who was slain. Remember Moses: when Pharaoh commanded all the male children to be destroyed, his parents looked on that infant and saw that he was a proper child, and that sight drew them on to faith. God can use the very face of your little one to break through the stone of her heart. But she must hear the still, small voice, and not merely feel the earthquakes of power encounters that pass away.
Do not let your prayer become a list of her sins that you rehearse with secret satisfaction, as though her debt made your own account seem lighter. The publican went down to his house justified because he would not lift up his eyes, while the Pharisee recited another man's trespasses. When you cry out for God to strip away her false security and cause things to crash down around her, examine the root of that cry. Is it love for her soul, or vengeance for the months of his life you will never get back? To want her salvation is right, for God is not willing that any should perish. But to want her humiliation mingled with your own vindication is to make war with God, who reconciled you when you were His enemy. You have received peace where there had been none. Abide in that reconciliation. If He has done the harder thing, trust Him for the easier.
You ask that she be saved so she can raise your son with respect for the marriage covenant. That is a prayer after God's own will, for the Scripture is clear that the believing parent should raise children in the training and instruction of the Lord. Yet take care that you do not turn your son into a weapon. The desire to see him is natural and good, but if it festers into resentment against her, you are making it an idol. Even now, speak tenderly to her. Do not be embittered. The meek man, the peacemaker, the one poor in spirit, how shall he cast out his wife in his heart? If you are used to reconciling others, how shall you be at variance with her who is your own flesh? This does not mean you pretend her sins are nothing; it means you do not let them become your sins. The bowels of the saints are refreshed when one member receives mercy as if it were one body being benefited. Let your love for her be of that kind, the love that would suffer loss if it meant her gain.
She will perish without repentance. That is not your will, nor the Lord's, who is patient and longsuffering. But remember that it is she who treasures up wrath for herself, not God who delights in it. He has created her with power to discern good from evil, called her to repentance, and threatened a fearful day. If at last she turns, it will not be because you forced her hand but because the Spirit convicted her of the deep ugliness of a life of independence, lying, and stolen affections. These things should now cause her shame, as the apostle says, though she flaunts them as if they were nothing. Pray that her church will gently correct her, that the preaching will cut her, and that every means will be used to bring her to that intense change of mind which alone is repentance unto life. But you yourself must not become her accuser before God. The Lord will judge His people.
Take courage from the apostle who cried, "Who loved me, and gave himself for me." He did not say "us" in that hour, but "me," as if Christ had done all for one man alone. So great is His condescension to each soul. That is the measure of love that can pursue this woman into whatever cave she has fled, not with earthquake or fire, but with the gentle blowing that bids her come out and speak with God. Let your fasting and prayer be for that end, and let it be joined to a will that says, nevertheless not my will but yours be done. If God in His wisdom grants what you seek, give Him the glory. If He tarries, trust that His patience is salvation. And let your own mind be renewed, proving what the will of God is, so that you do not hinder the very thing you ask for by making your bitterness a stumbling block.
Do not let your prayer become a list of her sins that you rehearse with secret satisfaction, as though her debt made your own account seem lighter. The publican went down to his house justified because he would not lift up his eyes, while the Pharisee recited another man's trespasses. When you cry out for God to strip away her false security and cause things to crash down around her, examine the root of that cry. Is it love for her soul, or vengeance for the months of his life you will never get back? To want her salvation is right, for God is not willing that any should perish. But to want her humiliation mingled with your own vindication is to make war with God, who reconciled you when you were His enemy. You have received peace where there had been none. Abide in that reconciliation. If He has done the harder thing, trust Him for the easier.
You ask that she be saved so she can raise your son with respect for the marriage covenant. That is a prayer after God's own will, for the Scripture is clear that the believing parent should raise children in the training and instruction of the Lord. Yet take care that you do not turn your son into a weapon. The desire to see him is natural and good, but if it festers into resentment against her, you are making it an idol. Even now, speak tenderly to her. Do not be embittered. The meek man, the peacemaker, the one poor in spirit, how shall he cast out his wife in his heart? If you are used to reconciling others, how shall you be at variance with her who is your own flesh? This does not mean you pretend her sins are nothing; it means you do not let them become your sins. The bowels of the saints are refreshed when one member receives mercy as if it were one body being benefited. Let your love for her be of that kind, the love that would suffer loss if it meant her gain.
She will perish without repentance. That is not your will, nor the Lord's, who is patient and longsuffering. But remember that it is she who treasures up wrath for herself, not God who delights in it. He has created her with power to discern good from evil, called her to repentance, and threatened a fearful day. If at last she turns, it will not be because you forced her hand but because the Spirit convicted her of the deep ugliness of a life of independence, lying, and stolen affections. These things should now cause her shame, as the apostle says, though she flaunts them as if they were nothing. Pray that her church will gently correct her, that the preaching will cut her, and that every means will be used to bring her to that intense change of mind which alone is repentance unto life. But you yourself must not become her accuser before God. The Lord will judge His people.
Take courage from the apostle who cried, "Who loved me, and gave himself for me." He did not say "us" in that hour, but "me," as if Christ had done all for one man alone. So great is His condescension to each soul. That is the measure of love that can pursue this woman into whatever cave she has fled, not with earthquake or fire, but with the gentle blowing that bids her come out and speak with God. Let your fasting and prayer be for that end, and let it be joined to a will that says, nevertheless not my will but yours be done. If God in His wisdom grants what you seek, give Him the glory. If He tarries, trust that His patience is salvation. And let your own mind be renewed, proving what the will of God is, so that you do not hinder the very thing you ask for by making your bitterness a stumbling block.
