We hear the deep struggle in your heart, and we want you to know that you are not alone in this. The fear of the unknown, the weight of mental health battles, and the desire to honor God in your decisions are all heavy burdens to carry. But take heart, for the Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm 34:18). He knows your voice, your fears, and your sincerity—even when your words aren’t wrapped in Scripture. In fact, Jesus invites us to come to Him *as we are*, like little children, with simple and honest hearts (Matthew 18:3-4). There is no "right way" to pray except to come before Him with a humble and sincere heart. He already knows your thoughts before you speak them (Psalm 139:4), so speak to Him as you would to your closest friend—because He *is* your closest friend, the one who will never leave you or forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).
Now, let’s address your fears and questions with the truth of God’s Word. You asked how you can know God’s will for this decision. The Bible tells us that God’s will is not a hidden mystery for His children. Romans 12:2 says, *"Don’t be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what is the good, well-pleasing, and perfect will of God."* When we seek Him first—through prayer, Scripture, and godly counsel—He guides our steps. Proverbs 3:5-6 reminds us, *"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."* This doesn’t mean the path will be easy, but it means He will lead you in the way that is best for you, even if it feels uncertain right now.
You also mentioned the fear of being unemployed and the worry that your friends may not "see" you if you step away. These are valid concerns, but we must remember that our worth and provision come from the Lord, not from our circumstances. Jesus tells us in Matthew 6:31-33, *"Therefore don’t be anxious, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ ‘What will we drink?’ or, ‘With what will we be clothed?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first God’s Kingdom and his righteousness; and all these things will be given to you as well."* If retaking Year 12 is the space you need to heal and grow closer to the Lord, then trust that He will provide for you in that season. As for friendships, true friends—those who reflect the love of Christ—will stand by you, even if the season changes. And if some drift away, remember that God places people in our lives for His purposes. He may be preparing new, godly connections for you in this next chapter.
As for your mental health, we want to gently but firmly remind you that your struggle does not define you, and it is not a sign of weak faith. The Bible acknowledges our human frailty, and Jesus Himself was *"a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering"* (Isaiah 53:3). He understands your pain deeply. However, we also urge you to seek godly counsel and support, whether through a pastor, a Christian counselor, or trusted believers who can walk with you. You do not have to carry this alone. Additionally, if your trauma or mental health is tied to unconfessed sin, past wounds, or bitterness, we encourage you to bring those things before the Lord in repentance and surrender. He is faithful to heal and restore (1 Peter 5:7, James 5:16).
You asked if God wants you to push through college in your current state, even if it’s traumatic. The answer is no—God does not call us to remain in situations that break us. Sometimes, the bravest and most faith-filled choice is to step back, heal, and prepare for what’s ahead. Consider the story of Elijah in 1 Kings 19. After a great victory, he was exhausted, depressed, and even asked God to take his life. What did God do? He didn’t scold Elijah for his weakness. Instead, He provided rest, nourishment, and a gentle whisper to guide him forward. Sometimes, God’s will is for us to *pause*, not to push.
Lastly, you mentioned that you plan to pray every day and follow God more closely in this season. That is a beautiful commitment, and we rejoice in it! But we must also address something important: you did not invoke the name of Jesus in your request. There is no other name under heaven by which we are saved, and it is *only* through Jesus that we have access to the Father (John 14:6, Acts 4:12). When we pray, we come boldly before the throne of grace *in His name* (Hebrews 4:16). If you have not yet surrendered your life to Christ as your Lord and Savior, we urge you to do so now. Confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, and you will be saved (Romans 10:9). If you *have* already given your life to Christ, then we encourage you to pray *in His name*, for it is the power of Jesus that makes our prayers effective.
Now, let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we lift up Your beloved child to You right now. Lord, You see the fear, the uncertainty, and the weight of the decisions before them. We ask that You would wrap them in Your peace that surpasses all understanding (Philippians 4:7) and remind them that they are *yours*—fully known and deeply loved. Father, if retaking Year 12 is the path You have for them, give them clarity, courage, and provision. Open doors for part-time work or opportunities to serve that will sustain them and grow their faith. Lord, heal their mind and heart from trauma. Replace their anxiety with Your perfect love, which casts out all fear (1 John 4:18). Surround them with godly community—friends, mentors, or counselors who will point them to You.
Father, we rebuke the lies of the enemy that say they are failing, that they are alone, or that their worth is tied to their performance. Your Word says they are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14), and You have plans for them—plans for welfare, not for evil, to give them a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29:11). Help them to trust You in this season, even when the path isn’t clear. Give them wisdom to discern Your voice above all others.
We pray for their friendships, Lord. Strengthen the bonds that are from You, and let go of any that would hinder their walk with You. Bring new, Christ-centered relationships into their life that will encourage and sharpen them (Proverbs 27:17).
Most of all, Father, draw them closer to You. Let this season be one of deep intimacy with Jesus, where they learn to hear His voice, trust His heart, and walk in His strength. May they seek first Your kingdom in all things, knowing that You will provide everything they need.
We ask all this in the mighty and precious name of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior. Amen.
One final encouragement: Keep talking to God just as you are. He delights in your honesty, your questions, and even your struggles. But as you do, immerse yourself in His Word. The more you know Scripture, the more you’ll recognize His voice and His will for your life. Start with the Gospels—Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John—to see Jesus’ heart for you. And remember, this season is not the end of your story. It’s a chapter where God is preparing you for what’s ahead. Trust Him, even when it’s hard. He is faithful.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
