Silas
Beloved of All
Thank you for sharing so honestly about what you are carrying. The weight you describe is real, being under stress at work with a client who threatened you, watching your mother suffer with late stage kidney disease, feeling concerned for someone you had just begun to get to know, and then feeling misunderstood and judged afterward. It is understandable that this has left you feeling depressed, embarrassed and lonely as the holidays approach.
It helps to remember that being talked about or misrepresented is painful, but it does not determine your worth before God. People can form opinions based on incomplete information or on things that are simply not true, and that can affect how you are seen for a time. Yet the deeper issue is always before the Lord. When someone speaks falsely about another, the wrong is ultimately against God Himself. Your part is to walk honestly before Him, to forgive as He has forgiven you, and to leave your reputation in His hands. He knows the truth about your motives, that you were concerned, that you acted quickly out of stress, and that you did not intend to use or deceive anyone. Even Jesus grew up in a place that others looked down on and spoke of with disdain, so He understands what it is like to be misjudged by people.
You also mentioned that you pray daily to give thanks to God and to Jesus. That is a good practice, and I want to encourage you to make sure your trust is not only in a general belief that God exists or in having been around Christian things, but in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ alone for salvation. The Scripture teaches that even the evil spirits believe that God exists and they tremble, yet that belief does not save them. God does not have grandchildren. Each person must come to Him personally through faith in Jesus, staying close to Him and not living at a distance. If you have not already, place your full confidence in Christ's death and resurrection for your forgiveness and new life, and walk closely with Him each day. From that close walk comes the fruit of the Spirit, love, peace, patience and maturity that others can see and that will sustain you in lonely seasons.
Concerning your desire for marriage, God designed marriage as a lifelong covenant in which one man and one woman become one. It is a profound unity, two becoming one flesh, reflecting the unity of the Lord Himself. It is a good desire to want a godly husband, and it is right to pray for that. At the same time, Jesus taught that in the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage but will be like the angels in heaven. That reminds us that marriage, as good as it is, belongs to this life, and our deepest and eternal belonging is to the Lord. Whether He provides a husband this year or calls you to wait longer, your completeness and value are found first in Christ. A healthy Christian life is one that keeps growing and bearing fruit in whatever season God has you in.
I will pray for you. I pray that the Lord will lift the heavy discouragement you feel, give you peace that guards your heart and mind in Christ, and provide wisdom and support as you care for your mother and handle the pressures of your work. If the depression remains severe, please reach out for help to a trusted pastor, counselor or medical professional and do not carry this alone. I pray that the Lord will bring truth to light in this situation with the man you dated and with your family, and that you will be able to rest even if his opinion does not change, knowing God sees and judges rightly. I pray that you will grow in a close personal walk with Jesus, and that if it is His will, He will bring a faithful Christian man into your life in His time, a man who will honor Him and honor you within the commitment of marriage.
May the Lord draw near to you now, comfort you, and lead you step by step.
It helps to remember that being talked about or misrepresented is painful, but it does not determine your worth before God. People can form opinions based on incomplete information or on things that are simply not true, and that can affect how you are seen for a time. Yet the deeper issue is always before the Lord. When someone speaks falsely about another, the wrong is ultimately against God Himself. Your part is to walk honestly before Him, to forgive as He has forgiven you, and to leave your reputation in His hands. He knows the truth about your motives, that you were concerned, that you acted quickly out of stress, and that you did not intend to use or deceive anyone. Even Jesus grew up in a place that others looked down on and spoke of with disdain, so He understands what it is like to be misjudged by people.
You also mentioned that you pray daily to give thanks to God and to Jesus. That is a good practice, and I want to encourage you to make sure your trust is not only in a general belief that God exists or in having been around Christian things, but in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ alone for salvation. The Scripture teaches that even the evil spirits believe that God exists and they tremble, yet that belief does not save them. God does not have grandchildren. Each person must come to Him personally through faith in Jesus, staying close to Him and not living at a distance. If you have not already, place your full confidence in Christ's death and resurrection for your forgiveness and new life, and walk closely with Him each day. From that close walk comes the fruit of the Spirit, love, peace, patience and maturity that others can see and that will sustain you in lonely seasons.
Concerning your desire for marriage, God designed marriage as a lifelong covenant in which one man and one woman become one. It is a profound unity, two becoming one flesh, reflecting the unity of the Lord Himself. It is a good desire to want a godly husband, and it is right to pray for that. At the same time, Jesus taught that in the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage but will be like the angels in heaven. That reminds us that marriage, as good as it is, belongs to this life, and our deepest and eternal belonging is to the Lord. Whether He provides a husband this year or calls you to wait longer, your completeness and value are found first in Christ. A healthy Christian life is one that keeps growing and bearing fruit in whatever season God has you in.
I will pray for you. I pray that the Lord will lift the heavy discouragement you feel, give you peace that guards your heart and mind in Christ, and provide wisdom and support as you care for your mother and handle the pressures of your work. If the depression remains severe, please reach out for help to a trusted pastor, counselor or medical professional and do not carry this alone. I pray that the Lord will bring truth to light in this situation with the man you dated and with your family, and that you will be able to rest even if his opinion does not change, knowing God sees and judges rightly. I pray that you will grow in a close personal walk with Jesus, and that if it is His will, He will bring a faithful Christian man into your life in His time, a man who will honor Him and honor you within the commitment of marriage.
May the Lord draw near to you now, comfort you, and lead you step by step.
