Greetings lovely believers,
I need the Care and Help of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. My trouble started after my father deserted when I was 3. My brain changed and I was left disabled, there are many things most people take for granted that I cannot do, such as peeling an apple or a potato. Things that entail getting a grip. School was very bad, teachers were always screaming at me for the things I could not do, not giving me any caring. I was bullied. A girl in class who was cutting a cake and giving everyone a piece did not give me a piece. When I went up she turned her back. That kind of thing every day, every hour. When I was little my "friend" instructed when I may use my own scissors, I was too slow so she would use them first. No gratitude to get to borrow them at all, she dictated to me what was allowed. My mother made me go to my father and step-monster for the holidays and they were awful. When I was 14 he fetched a rifle and told me to shoot myself. His wife, in the room, did not even tell him to put it away. He whacked me and sent me flying. He called me slut though I had never even had sex. My mother still made me go to them, no matter what they did. They gave their daughters so much love. He once gave candy to everyone in the room including the servant except me. The bag was put away in front of me and I had to smell it from the others. They did things to spite me all the time. I was very afraid of the dark and liked to have someone in the room with me, even a baby. They would fetch their little girl to sleep in their room, leaving me alone and afraid. Once we were away somewhere, it was particularly dark and she watched me dash in terror across the passage to my older sister's room after my younger sister had been taken to their room. She told my sister she had watched and nearly laughed herself to death. My sister and I were the only ones in the house who had to make our beds. Everyone else had theirs made by the servant. If we delayed for a while and planned to make them later the servant did it, told us in front of my father and we were made to apologise. They were not beds that were easy to make, like just pulling up a duvet. Complicated folding and so on.
At 11 I could take no more, I swallowed a bottle of pills and was violently sick. A year later I tried again with two bottles and was even more sick. At 13 I became anorexic for a year, I stopped eating and drinking. My mother had always been fanatical about weight, so no surprise. I drank not even 200 ml of sugar free soda a day, ate maybe three tiny pieces of candy and that was it. My face had sores from dehydration. I was screamed at and told it was my fault. When I pulled through I was nagged at about my weight - now not thin enough, it seemed. As the years went by, my teenage male relative molested me in total easily 200 times. My mother takes his part. My sister has always been awful to me, she loved ratting on me and when I was a child she made me eat from a garbage can. She and my mother are always ganging up on me. I have blocked most of my relatives from my phone. I had an alcoholic partner who was very cruel to me, but a bad boyfriend seemed better that no boyfriend. He was always insulting me. One night he forced himself onto me against my will, I conceived and could not tell anyone. My mother had made it clear that whereas she loves my sister's child I may not have one. I had to drink a special tea that would flush it out. The boyfriend drank himself to death eventually. My life was about going to doctors and social workers, my father did not give us enough money for nice things such as dance class or playing an instrument. I have told the tip of the iceberg.
I cannot do a job as I have depression so serious it is a disability. Throughout the years I was a self harmer, often my entire body was covered from head to foot with enormous bruises in every color of the rainbow from where I had hit, whipped or bitten myself. I also at times hallucinated because my stress levels were so high. Self harm and hallucinations are not unusual for abuse victims. I cry all the time and have no quality of life. What I really seek is a supernatural breakthrough, to be a billionaire and finally see what it means to be living. I would like to be going to the beach and go to lots of sports matches, to do a great cruise and get away from the family entirely. I need to be comfortable and have care. The locusts devoured my blessings, I cannot get lost years back, but would like great youth, beauty, provisions, a growth spurt, lovely long hair, great metabolism, cured eyesight (what I went through greatly affected my potential and my health, both physically and emotionally), and not another broken heart. One more straw added to the load and my back will break. I have kept worshipping the Lord, I took the blows, but want more from my life than what I am being given. I do not worship the Virgin nor do Rosaries, but I love Traditional Latin Mass, the Communion and worshipping the Lord. I would like to have it daily, it soothes me whereas at other churches I have cried so hard I had asthma attacks. Thank-you for reading and for caring, if you do. May the good Lord grant all of your wishes and bless you indeed, His Hand to be always with you in this life and especially the next. Praise the Lord!
I need the Care and Help of the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost. My trouble started after my father deserted when I was 3. My brain changed and I was left disabled, there are many things most people take for granted that I cannot do, such as peeling an apple or a potato. Things that entail getting a grip. School was very bad, teachers were always screaming at me for the things I could not do, not giving me any caring. I was bullied. A girl in class who was cutting a cake and giving everyone a piece did not give me a piece. When I went up she turned her back. That kind of thing every day, every hour. When I was little my "friend" instructed when I may use my own scissors, I was too slow so she would use them first. No gratitude to get to borrow them at all, she dictated to me what was allowed. My mother made me go to my father and step-monster for the holidays and they were awful. When I was 14 he fetched a rifle and told me to shoot myself. His wife, in the room, did not even tell him to put it away. He whacked me and sent me flying. He called me slut though I had never even had sex. My mother still made me go to them, no matter what they did. They gave their daughters so much love. He once gave candy to everyone in the room including the servant except me. The bag was put away in front of me and I had to smell it from the others. They did things to spite me all the time. I was very afraid of the dark and liked to have someone in the room with me, even a baby. They would fetch their little girl to sleep in their room, leaving me alone and afraid. Once we were away somewhere, it was particularly dark and she watched me dash in terror across the passage to my older sister's room after my younger sister had been taken to their room. She told my sister she had watched and nearly laughed herself to death. My sister and I were the only ones in the house who had to make our beds. Everyone else had theirs made by the servant. If we delayed for a while and planned to make them later the servant did it, told us in front of my father and we were made to apologise. They were not beds that were easy to make, like just pulling up a duvet. Complicated folding and so on.
At 11 I could take no more, I swallowed a bottle of pills and was violently sick. A year later I tried again with two bottles and was even more sick. At 13 I became anorexic for a year, I stopped eating and drinking. My mother had always been fanatical about weight, so no surprise. I drank not even 200 ml of sugar free soda a day, ate maybe three tiny pieces of candy and that was it. My face had sores from dehydration. I was screamed at and told it was my fault. When I pulled through I was nagged at about my weight - now not thin enough, it seemed. As the years went by, my teenage male relative molested me in total easily 200 times. My mother takes his part. My sister has always been awful to me, she loved ratting on me and when I was a child she made me eat from a garbage can. She and my mother are always ganging up on me. I have blocked most of my relatives from my phone. I had an alcoholic partner who was very cruel to me, but a bad boyfriend seemed better that no boyfriend. He was always insulting me. One night he forced himself onto me against my will, I conceived and could not tell anyone. My mother had made it clear that whereas she loves my sister's child I may not have one. I had to drink a special tea that would flush it out. The boyfriend drank himself to death eventually. My life was about going to doctors and social workers, my father did not give us enough money for nice things such as dance class or playing an instrument. I have told the tip of the iceberg.
I cannot do a job as I have depression so serious it is a disability. Throughout the years I was a self harmer, often my entire body was covered from head to foot with enormous bruises in every color of the rainbow from where I had hit, whipped or bitten myself. I also at times hallucinated because my stress levels were so high. Self harm and hallucinations are not unusual for abuse victims. I cry all the time and have no quality of life. What I really seek is a supernatural breakthrough, to be a billionaire and finally see what it means to be living. I would like to be going to the beach and go to lots of sports matches, to do a great cruise and get away from the family entirely. I need to be comfortable and have care. The locusts devoured my blessings, I cannot get lost years back, but would like great youth, beauty, provisions, a growth spurt, lovely long hair, great metabolism, cured eyesight (what I went through greatly affected my potential and my health, both physically and emotionally), and not another broken heart. One more straw added to the load and my back will break. I have kept worshipping the Lord, I took the blows, but want more from my life than what I am being given. I do not worship the Virgin nor do Rosaries, but I love Traditional Latin Mass, the Communion and worshipping the Lord. I would like to have it daily, it soothes me whereas at other churches I have cried so hard I had asthma attacks. Thank-you for reading and for caring, if you do. May the good Lord grant all of your wishes and bless you indeed, His Hand to be always with you in this life and especially the next. Praise the Lord!
