Silas
Beloved of All
Your honesty about how heavy this feels is important, and I want to bring these burdens before the Lord with you.
It is painful to walk into a gathering of believers and feel unwelcome, especially when that sense comes from those who are meant to shepherd and care for the flock. When a tone changes the moment you enter, and when mistreatment has happened more than once, the hurt accumulates even if people later show remorse. Remorse does not automatically undo damage, and it is understandable that you feel weary and want to hide or make yourself less visible to avoid more pain.
The Scriptures show us what the church is meant to be, and history shows how often we have fallen short of it. If you look at the book of Acts you see the pattern God intended, a people marked by love and good works, caring for one another in sincerity. When love grows cold and is replaced by formality, harshness, or hypocrisy, the presence of the Spirit is grieved. Jesus warned one church that He would remove His lampstand if they did not return to love. That tells us that not every congregation that bears the name of Christ is walking in His power and gentleness in that season. Some of what you are experiencing may be that very failure, not a reflection of your worth in Christ. The church is meant to be a discerning community that does not tolerate evil, and also a loving community that purges out hypocrisy so that there can be true spiritual power and safety. Where that purity and love are missing, the church becomes weak and people get hurt, and that is not God's fault but our failure to live as He called us to live.
You mentioned wondering about spiritual warfare, and Scripture is clear that the enemy does look for openings where there is weakness, bitterness, pride, or occult involvement. At the same time, people remain responsible for their choices. It can be both, that spiritual influence is real and that individuals are accountable for unkind or abusive actions. The answer is not to excuse the behavior as only warfare, but to seek a fellowship where leaders and members take responsibility, repent with fruit, and pursue holiness together. In the New Testament, spiritually mature men were appointed to oversee the life of the church, to pray together and to watch over both spiritual and practical needs with integrity and open accounting. If you have access to such mature, trustworthy oversight, it can be wise to share your concerns quietly with one or two of them and ask for prayer and counsel, not to force a confrontation you are not ready for, but to seek wisdom about whether this is a healthy place for you to be nourished.
The pain from your families is a deep wound as well. To come from homes marked by control, abuse, and stalking, and then to make an effort to reconcile in obedience to what you believed God was asking, only to be met with rejection, is crushing. Scripture does call us to pursue peace and reconciliation, but it also teaches that reconciliation requires two willing hearts. When you have extended your hand and it has been rejected with contempt, it is not unfaithful to step back and set a firm boundary. To stop reaching out after repeated abuse is not bitterness, it can be wisdom and stewardship of the life God has given you. The Lord understands the fear that comes from being pursued and the exhaustion of trying to keep the peace at any cost.
You asked about the occult and whether such heavy, mind tormenting abuse has a demonic dimension, and whether you have been targeted because you belong to Christ. Evil that seeks to confuse, control, and drive a person to despair does reflect the character of the enemy, who is a liar and destroyer from the beginning. Families with deep involvement in dark spiritual practices can open doors to influence that affects generations, and those who belong to Jesus are indeed opposed by the enemy. Yet the comfort of the gospel is that those who are in Christ are held by Him. Persecution and opposition have never ultimately harmed the true church, it has often been in hardship that faith has grown strongest, while comfort and acceptance have made it weak. That does not mean you should remain in harm's way to prove your faith, it means you can trust that God sees, that He is your protector, and that His love for you is not waiting to punish you. The healthy fear of the Lord is not being afraid that God is waiting to hurt you when you fail, it is loving Him so much that you do not want to hurt Him, resting in the assurance that He will not hurt you.
Hiding yourself in an upstairs corner may feel safer for a moment, but a long term pattern of hiding will not bring healing. Ask the Lord to show you whether He is calling you to remain and work toward healing in this congregation with wise counsel, or to find a fellowship where love, truth, and accountability are present and where you can be known and cared for without fear. You need a place where the Word is taught faithfully, where people love one another in deed and not only in word, and where there is prayerful oversight.
Let me pray for you.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, I bring this dear brother or sister before You. You see the pain of feeling unwelcome in Your house and the sting of harsh words and cold tones. You see the long history of family abuse, the exhaustion from being stalked and tormented, and the ache of a reconciliation that was refused. Lord, cover this child with Your protection. Break every influence of darkness and every tie to occult practice, and let no weapon formed against them prosper. Fill them with Your peace and with the assurance that they are Yours, purchased by the blood of Jesus, and that Your heart toward them is love, not harm. Give them wisdom to set godly boundaries, courage to seek healthy fellowship, and discernment to know where You would have them planted to grow. Restore what has been broken, heal memories that still wound, and lead them to a community that reflects the love of Acts, where Your Spirit is present and Your people walk in truth. Keep them from fear of man and draw them deeper into love for You. In Jesus name, Amen.
It is painful to walk into a gathering of believers and feel unwelcome, especially when that sense comes from those who are meant to shepherd and care for the flock. When a tone changes the moment you enter, and when mistreatment has happened more than once, the hurt accumulates even if people later show remorse. Remorse does not automatically undo damage, and it is understandable that you feel weary and want to hide or make yourself less visible to avoid more pain.
The Scriptures show us what the church is meant to be, and history shows how often we have fallen short of it. If you look at the book of Acts you see the pattern God intended, a people marked by love and good works, caring for one another in sincerity. When love grows cold and is replaced by formality, harshness, or hypocrisy, the presence of the Spirit is grieved. Jesus warned one church that He would remove His lampstand if they did not return to love. That tells us that not every congregation that bears the name of Christ is walking in His power and gentleness in that season. Some of what you are experiencing may be that very failure, not a reflection of your worth in Christ. The church is meant to be a discerning community that does not tolerate evil, and also a loving community that purges out hypocrisy so that there can be true spiritual power and safety. Where that purity and love are missing, the church becomes weak and people get hurt, and that is not God's fault but our failure to live as He called us to live.
You mentioned wondering about spiritual warfare, and Scripture is clear that the enemy does look for openings where there is weakness, bitterness, pride, or occult involvement. At the same time, people remain responsible for their choices. It can be both, that spiritual influence is real and that individuals are accountable for unkind or abusive actions. The answer is not to excuse the behavior as only warfare, but to seek a fellowship where leaders and members take responsibility, repent with fruit, and pursue holiness together. In the New Testament, spiritually mature men were appointed to oversee the life of the church, to pray together and to watch over both spiritual and practical needs with integrity and open accounting. If you have access to such mature, trustworthy oversight, it can be wise to share your concerns quietly with one or two of them and ask for prayer and counsel, not to force a confrontation you are not ready for, but to seek wisdom about whether this is a healthy place for you to be nourished.
The pain from your families is a deep wound as well. To come from homes marked by control, abuse, and stalking, and then to make an effort to reconcile in obedience to what you believed God was asking, only to be met with rejection, is crushing. Scripture does call us to pursue peace and reconciliation, but it also teaches that reconciliation requires two willing hearts. When you have extended your hand and it has been rejected with contempt, it is not unfaithful to step back and set a firm boundary. To stop reaching out after repeated abuse is not bitterness, it can be wisdom and stewardship of the life God has given you. The Lord understands the fear that comes from being pursued and the exhaustion of trying to keep the peace at any cost.
You asked about the occult and whether such heavy, mind tormenting abuse has a demonic dimension, and whether you have been targeted because you belong to Christ. Evil that seeks to confuse, control, and drive a person to despair does reflect the character of the enemy, who is a liar and destroyer from the beginning. Families with deep involvement in dark spiritual practices can open doors to influence that affects generations, and those who belong to Jesus are indeed opposed by the enemy. Yet the comfort of the gospel is that those who are in Christ are held by Him. Persecution and opposition have never ultimately harmed the true church, it has often been in hardship that faith has grown strongest, while comfort and acceptance have made it weak. That does not mean you should remain in harm's way to prove your faith, it means you can trust that God sees, that He is your protector, and that His love for you is not waiting to punish you. The healthy fear of the Lord is not being afraid that God is waiting to hurt you when you fail, it is loving Him so much that you do not want to hurt Him, resting in the assurance that He will not hurt you.
Hiding yourself in an upstairs corner may feel safer for a moment, but a long term pattern of hiding will not bring healing. Ask the Lord to show you whether He is calling you to remain and work toward healing in this congregation with wise counsel, or to find a fellowship where love, truth, and accountability are present and where you can be known and cared for without fear. You need a place where the Word is taught faithfully, where people love one another in deed and not only in word, and where there is prayerful oversight.
Let me pray for you.
Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, I bring this dear brother or sister before You. You see the pain of feeling unwelcome in Your house and the sting of harsh words and cold tones. You see the long history of family abuse, the exhaustion from being stalked and tormented, and the ache of a reconciliation that was refused. Lord, cover this child with Your protection. Break every influence of darkness and every tie to occult practice, and let no weapon formed against them prosper. Fill them with Your peace and with the assurance that they are Yours, purchased by the blood of Jesus, and that Your heart toward them is love, not harm. Give them wisdom to set godly boundaries, courage to seek healthy fellowship, and discernment to know where You would have them planted to grow. Restore what has been broken, heal memories that still wound, and lead them to a community that reflects the love of Acts, where Your Spirit is present and Your people walk in truth. Keep them from fear of man and draw them deeper into love for You. In Jesus name, Amen.
