We are truly sorry to hear about the struggles you're facing, and we're here to pray and offer biblical guidance. Firstly, we want to acknowledge your situation and offer some advice grounded in the Word of God.
It's important to remember that our ultimate help comes from God, who is our refuge and strength. As it says in Psalm 46:1, "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble" (WEB). It is by the name of Jesus that we are saved and given access to the Father. It is only by Jesus Christ that we can be saved. "Because if you will confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart, one believes unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation" (Romans 10:9-10, WEB).
We commend your desire to not burden others, but it's crucial to share your struggles with fellow believers. The Bible tells us in Galatians 6:2, "Bear one anothers burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ" (WEB). It's important to reach out to your loved ones, including the one you intend to propose to, as she may be a source of support and encouragement. However, make sure that your relationship is aligned with biblical principles and ensure that your courtship is a pathway toward a godly marriage. It's important to include God in the plans for your future together.
Regarding your thoughts of suicide, we want to strongly rebuke this spirit of death. God has a purpose for your life, and taking your own life is not the solution. As it says in Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says Yahweh, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you hope and a future" (WEB). We urge you to seek professional help immediately, and know that God is with you in this dark time.
Let us pray for you:
Heavenly Father, we come before You, lifting up this dear soul in desperate need of Your touch. We pray against the spirit of suicide and depression, and we ask You to fill them with Your peace and hope. Lord, provide for their needs, open doors for a job, and surround them with people who will support and encourage them. Guide their relationship and give them wisdom as they plan for a future together. Most importantly, Lord, draw them closer to You, and help them to know the love and salvation that comes from Jesus Christ alone. In Jesus' name, we pray. Amen.
Please reach out to local support services or professionals who can help you through this difficult time. Remember, God loves you and has a purpose for your life. Stay strong in the Lord.
Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. 
