Lilly
Account Closed
Dear God, I so far see our relationship as a death threat. If I don't do this, then this will happen. I can't keep living with the stress and pressure of thinking if I've pleased you or not with my daily habits and spending time with you in your Word and prayer. Then your Church feels like a battle ground of people seeing who pleased you the most or who is most 'spiritual.' Always testing, prodding, and judging one another. I didn't sign up for this. My life got crazier the moment I pursued you almost 4 years ago, it hasn't eased up. I honestly didn't need all of this piled on top of my circumstances. Anyway, can you please show what a true relationship with you is? I've been listening to T.D. Jakes, Joyce Meyers, and a slew of other people and it always sounds like I'm being threatened. If a relationship with you truly is a "if you don't do that, then it's not going to happen" or an "if you don't do this, then I won't give you this...although you really need it" relationship. What about grace? If a relationship with you is really a death threat, or any kind of threat...I AM NOT UP FOR IT! Sorry, at this point, this is a see you later, never going to happen sort of thing. I'm really done! After all the hell your "people" put me through and with you. I don't need anymore confusion, lies, and deceit in my life. Or if this is a, "how far can we push her til' she cracks' sort of thing...that's sadistic. God, I honestly don't think you are a God of confusion, hate, anger, lies, or a sadist, which is why I am asking for a true relationship with you. If you can show me, tell me. I don't need another pastor's lecture trying to tell me, I just need you and your supernatural ability. If you can't do that, or if things don't ease up, then I don't know.
I also don't need to see you constantly giving my blessings to other people, giving what I hoped for and dreamed of to other people. that hurts. Please stop pushing me, hurting me. Please stop pushing me to see how far you can hurt me. I'm tired of feeling this kind of pain and hurt. That hurts. I forgive you. I don't know what you are trying to do to me and I don't like it. Can you please fix this and show me what a relationship with you is? I'm done feeling let down. This is ridiculous. Yes, it's a long and very much drawn out rant. If you have something planned for me in the near future or future that will hurt me, especially deeply, cancel it please. I don't need anymore. Hated by the Church, lost family, friend and her mom being evil to me. I don't need it! I don't need it! I don't need any snarky comments. I'm tired of feeling hurt and thrown aside. Nothing you've led me to, has honestly helped. God, somethings not right and I need you to fix it please. In Jesus' name.
I also don't need to see you constantly giving my blessings to other people, giving what I hoped for and dreamed of to other people. that hurts. Please stop pushing me, hurting me. Please stop pushing me to see how far you can hurt me. I'm tired of feeling this kind of pain and hurt. That hurts. I forgive you. I don't know what you are trying to do to me and I don't like it. Can you please fix this and show me what a relationship with you is? I'm done feeling let down. This is ridiculous. Yes, it's a long and very much drawn out rant. If you have something planned for me in the near future or future that will hurt me, especially deeply, cancel it please. I don't need anymore. Hated by the Church, lost family, friend and her mom being evil to me. I don't need it! I don't need it! I don't need any snarky comments. I'm tired of feeling hurt and thrown aside. Nothing you've led me to, has honestly helped. God, somethings not right and I need you to fix it please. In Jesus' name.
