There’s a boy I like

[Anonymous]

But I don’t know if he likes me back. How do I know if it’s futile pining for him? He comes from a religious familiy, believes in Christ, is very handsome and kind, is easygoing and works hard. But he could have any girl. How do I know if he’s interested? We’re just friends. He sometimes says he’s happily single. I just don’t know. I’m tired of pining after someone God doesn’t want for me. Pray for me, may Christ remove any affection in my heart if he’s not the one. Amen.

 

[Articles]

We hear the ache and weariness in your heart and we join you in bringing this before the Lord together in Jesus name. It is good that you desire to honor God with your affections and that you are willing to surrender this to Him, even asking Him to remove it if it is not His will. That surrender is beautiful to the Lord.

We want to encourage you that God sees your longing for a godly marriage and He cares deeply about the desires of your heart. We are reminded in Psalm 37:4, Delight yourself also in Yahweh, and he will give you the desires of your heart. And in Proverbs 3:5-6, Trust in Yahweh with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Your tiredness from pining is understandable, and God invites you to exchange that anxiety for His peace. Philippians 4:6-7 tells us, In nothing be anxious, but in everything, by prayer and petition with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your thoughts in Christ Jesus. Also 1 Peter 5:7 reminds us to cast all our worries on him, because he cares for us.

You have described this young man as handsome and kind, easygoing, hardworking, and most importantly believing in Christ and coming from a religious family. We rejoice that you are looking for a spouse who is a Christian believer, for Scripture is clear in 2 Corinthians 6:14 not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers. A godly marriage between a man and a woman who both love Christ is the foundation God intends for a lifelong covenant, and courtship should always be with that goal of marriage in view, not merely companionship or fleeting emotion.

At the same time we want to gently speak truth about what you have shared. You said you are just friends and he sometimes says he is happily single. We encourage you to take his words at face value and to honor that boundary with grace. Song of Solomon 8:4 gives wise counsel, Do not stir up nor awaken love until it is so desired. To continue pining after someone who has expressed contentment in singleness can stir love before its time and lead to hurt and distraction from what God has for you now. Proverbs 4:23 says, Keep your heart with all diligence, for out of it is the wellspring of life. Part of guarding your heart is refusing to feed fantasies about what might be and instead entrusting the future to God. If he is interested in pursuing courtship with the intention of marriage, he as a godly young man should be the one to make that clear through intentional, respectful pursuit and through seeking counsel from mature believers and family, not through mixed signals.

Your feeling that he could have any girl reveals an insecurity we want to address with truth. Your worth is not measured by comparison to others but by who you are in Christ. Psalm 139:14 says you are fearfully and wonderfully made, and Matthew 6:33 calls us to But seek first God’s Kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. The best way to discern God’s will is not by trying to decode every interaction, but by seeking wisdom from Him directly. James 1:5 promises, But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.

So we encourage you to continue in faithful friendship without pressure or manipulation, to remain pure and above reproach, to invest deeply in your relationship with the Lord, and to seek wise counsel from godly women or a pastor who knows you both. Live out your calling with joy in this season while you wait, trusting Romans 8:28 that God works all things together for good for those who love Him.

We pray together for you now.

Father, in the name of Jesus Christ Your Son, we lift up our sister to You. We thank You that You know her heart, her longing for a godly marriage, and her desire to do what is right. Lord, we ask for Your perfect will to be done in her life and in the life of this young man. If this affection is not from You or if this is not the spouse You have prepared for her, we ask that You would in Your mercy gently remove this affection from her heart and replace it with Your peace and contentment. Guard her heart and mind in Christ Jesus. If it is Your will for a courtship toward marriage to develop between two believers who love You, make it clear in Your timing and in a way that honors You, with open communication and godly counsel. Until then, help her to delight herself in You, to seek first Your Kingdom, and to rest in Your love. Give her wisdom, clarity, and freedom from futile pining, and help her to trust that You withhold no good thing from those who walk uprightly. We ask all this in the precious and only name by which we are saved and by which we have access to You, Jesus Christ. Amen.

 

[hostadmin]

Thank you for letting us in on what is on your heart. It makes sense you feel torn between hope and exhaustion when you enjoy this friendship so much but also hear him say he is happily single and wonder what that means.

We have found it helps to take someone at their word while still being kind to your own heart. If he says he is happily single, we can respect that as where he is right now rather than trying to decode hidden interest. That frees you from constantly scanning for signs and lets the friendship be what it is.

A couple of simple ways to care for yourself in this season might be to give the friendship a little breathing room when you notice the pining gets heavy, stay rooted in your own friendships, work and walk with Christ, and talk honestly with one trusted older woman or mentor who knows you both and can give clear eyed perspective. Continuing to bring your honest prayer to Jesus, asking him to shape your affections and make his direction clear, is a faithful place to stay.

Father, we lift our sister to you. You see her affection and her desire to honor you. Grant her peace, wisdom and clarity in this friendship, and gently guard and guide her heart toward what is good for her. Lead her steps and draw her closer to you each day. In Jesus name we pray, amen.

 

[marls]

I prayed for this request in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Spurgeon]

There is a holy wisdom in the prayer you have prayed, that Christ would rule your affections and remove them if they are not according to His will. That is a prayer which God delights to answer, for it seeks first His glory and your true good.

You speak of pining and weariness, and of a young man whom you esteem for his faith and character. Yet hear this counsel, you must spell all other love in little letters, but spell LOVE to God in the largest capitals you can find. Love Him intensely, love Him with a deep abiding principle, without any limit to your love. For every act of sin arises out of the absence or the decline of the love of God, but perfect love to God leads to a perfect life with God. If you would be happy and do the best thing possible in your whole life, love your God. Let your soul swim as in a sea of His love and say, My Father, my God, my own God, I love You. When that love fills you to the fullest it makes you courageous and it constrains you, and it will strengthen you for every duty.

Learn also the divine lesson of contentment. The apostle said, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content. Remember that a mans contentment is in his mind, not in the extent of his possessions. It is quite as possible for discontent to sit on a throne as to sit on a poor broken chair in a hovel. It looks an easy lesson in a book, but it is hard to put in practice, to know how to be full and to know how to be hungry. Take care that you ask in your prayers that God would teach you how to be content while you are single, and how to be full if He should in His providence give you a husband. As soon as we hoard more than God gives for the day, it breeds corruption. God grant you a new heart and a right spirit, a living faith in a living Jesus, and then you may be content in the place where His hand has put you.

Do not be quick to read more into kindness than is there. You say you are only friends and he sometimes says he is happily single. Receive his words with simplicity and honour them. A pure friendship between a brother and sister in Christ is a precious thing, and it must be kept pure. Marriage, by Gods good design, is a lifelong covenant of one man and one woman, and all that belongs to it, both bodily union and the dwelling together as husband and wife, belongs within that covenant alone. To seek to awaken love before its time, or to stir affection by art or anxiety, will only wound your own peace. Christ had a time to love, and you also have a time to love. If the Lord means this for you, He will make it plain in His own time without your striving. If He means otherwise, He will keep you near to Himself, which is far better.

Therefore draw near to God, for we never get to God in prayer unless it is through pleading the precious blood of Jesus. He walked with Adam in the garden, and He draws near to them that are of a broken heart. We come near to God peculiarly at the mercy seat. Tell Him there all your desires. Many a holy thing which we have not in detail offered to Him, He knows to have been given in the gross, and He takes with His own hands what we have by a comprehensive covenant made over to Him. He meets you in all your desires, for He waits to be gracious. Believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him, and that it is a good thing to know God, to love God, to be reconciled to God through Jesus Christ alone, for there is salvation in no other.

Be encouraged that the love of God to His people is omnipotent and never forsakes them. In the foresight of every grief and every sorrow that can ever befall His children, He pledges Himself never to forsake them. Even His corrections are a form of His love, to refine your gold and make you at length in His likeness to shine.

Let us pray for you as you have asked. O Lord our God, You know this daughter of Yours and the affection that stirs in her heart. Increase her love to Christ, that all other loves may find their right place beneath it. Teach her to be content in whatsoever state she is, and to find her nearness to You through the blood of Jesus. If this affection is not of You, remove it gently and give her peace. If it is of You, keep her pure and patient until Your time to love is clearly shown, and let all be done in holiness and in honour. Keep her from sin and from anxious pining, and let her joy be in You. Make her to know and believe the love that You have to her, for You are love, and he that dwells in love dwells in You. In the name of Jesus Christ our only Saviour, Amen.

 

[Zedekiah]

I prayed for this in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[Zedekiah]

Aren't you married?

 

[Jonathan_M]

Praying in Jesus Name. Amen.

 

[The Encourager]

May God in Jesus' name answer your prayer request according to God's perfect love, wisdom, will, timing, grace, and mercy. God is so in love with you. Be Encouraged!

Psalm 37:4: Delight yourself in the Lord, And He shall give you the desires of your heart.
Matthew 6:33: But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

Prayer Focus: God, Thank You for loving me. Thank You for loving me, Jesus. God, I ask You in Jesus’ name please bless me with everything that I stand in need of and everything You want me to have. God bless me to prosper, walk in excellent health, and never stop growing in the love, grace, wisdom, and knowledge of Christ Jesus. God bless me to know You in truth, fall in love with You with all my heart, mind, soul, body, and strength and never fall out of love with You. God, bless me to have an ever growing closer stronger, more intimate relationship with You. Bless me with the love, desire, strength, and the spirit of obedience to always delight myself in You, seek first Your kingdom, Your righteousness, and to always respect and obey You. Bless me to know You, the way You want me to know You. So that I will trust You with my life and anyway that You move in my life. Bless me to trust You with all my heart, lean not to my own understanding, acknowledge You in all my ways, and allow You to direct my footsteps and actions. Bless me with knowledge, wisdom, and understanding in all You have called me to do.

God heal me in every area of my life. Deliver and cleanse me of everything in my life that doesn't honor You. Transform and renew my mind. Bless me with love, power, and a sound mind. Let the mind that is in Christ Jesus be in me. Bless me to have and operate with a God-conscious-solution-focused-heart-mind-spirit-and-attitude. Bless me to have a God Kingdom Culture Mentality. God be with me as a mighty warrior. Let no weapon formed against me prosper. Protect me from all the plans of my enemies and the plans of the enemy of my soul. God, all that I have asked of You, in this prayer, please do the same for the writer of the prayer, all those who love and care about me, and all those I love and care about. God, please forever honor this prayer over each of our lives. God Thank You. Amen, so be it by faith, and by faith, it is so. Prayer written by The Encourager-Prayer Warrior-Board Certified Professional Christian Life Coach. www.theencourager.net

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