The Three Stages Of Marriage Restoration - Cold As Ice, Then Flip Flop, Then Broken

[kristie]

Typically what you see in this battle, and most here are in this scenario, as well as I had been myself many times, is the spouse goes out and they are as cold as ice. Typically, there will be no contact at all from them, zilch, just gone and unheard from. Many with children will have some contact, but it can be very cold and mean, a forced thing because of the child, and can be very ugly communication. This is common behavior when they go out. Things like "I have never loved you, would not come back to you if you were the last person on earth, I cannot even stand the sound of your voice", mean cruel stuff comes out of them. Some cases the spouse may be civil, because of the children, but deadlocked in that they will not reconcile and they will not be interested in any discussion about it.

When they are like your spouse, actually communicating with you, calling you to do so, hedging back and forth on maybe, maybe not, that is God already twisting on their heart. Until He does such, Satan is the only one twisting on them, and it is not pretty typically and not approachable for reconciliation. The positive sided flip flop is God working on the spouse, the negative is Satan. They are tugging back and forth on her now, but again God always wins.

Typically when you get to the place where you can actually see the tug of war, your spouse flip flopping, it is not long before God does a big pull and pulls your spouse on out and free. Many do not even get to witness this because the spouse is totally uncommunicative and cut off from them, it is those restorations where the spouse just appears out of nowhere wanting reconciliation. I had been through both with my husband, and the ones where he was totally uncommunicative, he himself upon his return has said things, such as one time, that he found himself thinking about me and could not stop, that he even wrote me a song, and that he got tired of just thinking about me but just wanted to be with me, and that is when he out of the blue made contact and asked if we could work it out.

One time before that, nothing for two months except two evil phone calls in the first week. He came back crying on his knees that time, totally broken, and relayed to me that he drove by our house several times wanting to stop, but was afraid to, as that time the police had put a restraining order on him due to he had tried to run me off the road a couple days into him leaving. He, like others who are in the totally chained up stage, was evil and nasty to me. He has always gone through that totally cold and evil stage, then he gets to the flip flop stage, some I have witnessed like you, some not, but then comes the broken stage where they come home.

It is a three part cycle and you may already be in part two. You may not have even had part one, which is a very good sign that when your spouse went out the door they were not totally under the enemies control and God got in there quick. I have been in this ministry for over five years, been through this battle and restoration seven times myself, and have witnessed everyone else that has come through my ministry all these years, they are all the same, same three part pattern, and same ending for those that have been restored.

The only difference is in the ending actually, some spouses really get broken, severely broken, some just by their own sin, some from a tragedy that happens, guess that depends on how far God has to take them to get them to bow their knee. Some just kind of ease slowly into brokenness and you will not see a big bang.

So, you are in a good position if your spouse is in stage 2 and heading for stage 3, unlike many others who have been stuck in stage 1 for over a year or more. Stage 2 almost always goes into stage 3 fairly soon, they tend to move closer and closer until it is done. Or boom it just happens like I said and they are home suddenly. Most restoration processes pretty much work the same, just some do not see stage two happening because of the no contact.

Hope this helps, God bless..

Kristie

 

[kristie]

In a few marriage restorations, the stages seem out of order, and there is chaotic bouncing around between them.

When most marriage attacks happen, the spouse stands and fights and the marriage is restored, end of story, the time it takes varies, but typically it is a one time deal.

In some cases however, you may have some kind of calling on your life, you or your spouse, and Satan is not just trying to take another marriage in the body of Christ, he is trying to stop something in the future, something that is a threat to him.

The enemy is taking your spouse out, God is bringing them back, and Satan is taking them out again. He is not giving up easily here, and that means there is more he is fighting against.

When it happened to me, God did not reveal the reason until the third time I think, when the battle got heated more than usual. I have had seven total. Each one gets a bit more vicious. I think he went out in stage 2, but then a traumatic event happened (strangely enough, a traumatic death situation happened in mine the last time as well, which caused a flux in our marriage battle), and he reverted to stage one.

I have been there but never had occasion to talk about it really, most standers are just on the particular path described. In the battle for my marriage though, the long running one which was a different one as well, the rest being two, three months, this one has run over a year; for six months I had watched my husband go from stage one to stage two, stage three, suddenly to stage one again, back to stage three, then to two, then to three, then to one, then to three, then to one, now to three. He was then holding steady at stage three finally. It has been instead of a series of rounds with breaks in between, a continuous nonstop cycle.

God revealed to me way back in the beginning of the round that it was to be the final round fought. I have realized that it being the final round, it is the most crazy and vicious round. The enemy pulled out all the stops in desperate attempt to stop it. It was his last go around with me and he gave it his best ever shot to stop this ministry, to stop my husbands ministry. Likewise I have had to give it my best and not step back. It is not about my marriage with him, it is about being a threat to him, what God has for us to do for the kingdom.

It was not easy, the relentless intense heat of the battle for the duration. Myself, for the first time as some of my long time members can attest; had found myself...at times...stumbling myself and they have had to run and pick me up. Some several times had to preach at me. Others had to run to pray over me. That was not the norm for me, those who know me for the past five years and through all the individual battles can tell you that I have pretty much all these years been firm as a rock and unmovable, but that particular battle had been pure hard ball for me, and I became totally exhausted a few times.

I even had the enemy send in a distraction in the form of another man, the man of my dreams for my husband, the man of my prayers for my husband, literally...the man that I, for over a year, admired in church and used as an example in praying for my own husband. He suddenly got divorced by his wife and although we had not ever spoken over a couple of words to each other that entire time, he was right on me in an instant telling me that God told him that I was his chosen mate, wanted to marry me there on the spot without even knowing me. Satan has pulled it all out of his bag of tricks this time around.

I also came to the conclusion that God allowed all seven of the battles in my marriage, because I had to be prepared for just about anything that came into this ministry, so I would have the experience and wisdom to minister to members. I have pretty much experienced it all, so far nothing has come into this ministry that I have not been through myself. I can tell you without a doubt in my spirit, if the fight is this intense, that you and/or your spouse are a threat to Satan in some way and he is on tangent with you. This may also be your last time to fight this battle and the reason it is so different and crazy, the stages revolving all around and it being so out of control appearing. You are not the typical stander because it is not about your marriage only.

If this is the case, ask God for insight as to why you are fighting this battle over and over again.

Kristie

P.S. Do not slack off when your marriage is restored. We generally are on alert during the battle. But during restored times, I just slacked off, and you cannot do that. I knew I could not do it, but I just did, weary of it. The enemy comes in fast when you let the guard down, and he had a reason to with me. For further information on this click on the following teaching to read it: What To Do Once The Spouse Comes Home