The Note Book

I found a notebook earlier today. It had some letters that I had written a while back to my future bride. As I read them one by one, it broke my heart to see how over the course of three days, my faith went from 100% confidence that any day she would show up to being certain she would never appear. Eventually, the days turned into a couple of weeks and I stopped writing at all after that. I did not write another until just recently (almost 3 1/2 years later.) Since then things have gotten worse. I prayed fervently for almost four maybe five weeks, and nothing so much as changed in my love life. I still had no love interest, not dates, nothing. I got so mad and frustrated that my depression got worse, my anger outbursts increased, and after receiving proper treatment, they seem to have subsided. Now very recently the cycle seems to have started over. To be honest, I wonder if God even cares whether or not I find her. I'm so tired of waiting. Waiting on my helpmate, it hurts. Every year around my birthday, and Christmas I ask for God to introduce me to her, and it to date has not happened. I doubt this year will be any different. Unless I meet her between now and Friday, it's not going to happen for me this year. Christmas time is the most depressing time of year for me. It's where I get reminded of how successful everyone's been in finding a girlfriend, a fiance, a wife even. My own grandmother even said maybe I was meant to be single. I can't stand being around everyone when they are so happy and cheerful, and I'm one wrong vibe from balling in front of God and everyone. Pray for me this Christmas.